Apollo is in the same boat as me (and boy, did I ever made sure of that before we got living-together serious) - we like our books, our computers, and our animals, and will only hear the pitter-patter of tiny little feet if we put shoes on the cats :)

Neither of us have discussed permanent options though, as I’ve had an IUD in place since shortly after meeting him. It does the job for now. Might be worth discussing with my gynaecologist next time I visit, though …

xx Dee

Since you’re sure about being childfree I recommend permant options. It’s so nice not to worry about birth control.

Of course I don’t deny your right to do whatever with your body, but I can understand a doctor not wanting to be responsible of a future disgrace it you change your mind.

I was also really clear about this with my husband-to-be before the wedding. But he was of the “she’ll want a baby someday” camp too. Now 10 years later he is seeing that I truly don’t want to reproduce and it is causing problems.

Why is it acceptable for people to tell women-Isn’t it possible you’ll change your mind? Would a person say to a pregnant woman-Isn’t it possible you’ll change your mind and abort the baby? Would a person say to a mother-Isn’t it possible you’ll decide you don’t want your baby and give it up for adoption? Why can’t a woman’s choice to be childfree be respected instead of constantly questioned?

As for the doctor-that could apply to many doctors. What of the plastic surgeon who modifies breasts only to have their female patients hate their bodies? A doctor is doing a job-if done correctly then he or she should not feel responsible if the woman changes her mind.

Margie-Good for you. It really helps to find an understanding doctor.

Heather-I’ve never liked babies either. Even as a girl I couldn’t stand them. And so many people just don’t seem to get it and insist that I must like them. Annoying isn’t it? I hope your situation turns out alright.

Of course, a woman should be equally questioned for the decision of having a baby as it is as irreversible as yours. It is a pity that having children is so easy; all kinds of irresponsible people are permitted to have a family and you are questioned about your decision of bounding yourself to a childless life.

But there is an important difference. For you to have children or a bigger breast, you have to take an irreversible step. For you to have no children, it is not necessary at all. That can also make a difference for the doctors, which are told to do an intervention (always at a risk) that does not solve any problem (except for avoiding the not that bothersome birthcontrol) and that can make you unhappy in the (I know, very improbable) chance that you change your mind.

Your choice about being childfree should be respected. But, although you must not put up with any lecture about this issue, you should understand that there are some facts that explain that lack of understanding.

Your choice is not natural (I am not saying it is bad). Children have been designed through million years of evolution to please people and especially women. People’s minds have been carefully modified by natural selection to be pleased by children, especially women’s ones. It is understandable that people find your choice difficult to believe. But I believe that it is more lack of understanding than lack of respect.

Summing up my thoughts:

I think that you have the right to be childfree. Although finding children disgusting is an abnormal behavior (that means not frequent), that probably you could psychologically “cure”, I definitely think that you are not hurting anybody with that. The most interesting aspects of the personality are these little, inoffensive, “madnesses”, and I believe it is an error to “cure” them, as it only makes you more mediocre.

I think that a doctor should not be forced to tie your tubes, as she should not be forced to do any unnecessary operation (like, say, breast implants).

I think that you are wrong by wanting to close doors without having to, but you should be totally free to do so (you must first find an agreeing doctor, of course).

Many people can’t believe that some rarities exist. They are not being as unrespectful with you as incredulous that a woman wanting to be childfree can exist. Probably they have found lots of happiness with their own children and think that you are losing something. Or they simply have not heard about any woman wanting to be childfree. If your doctor thinks that way, you obviously have to go to another doctor; but don’t get raged, that causes ulcers :). I am very happy that you two managed to find a “relaxing” activity in that van!

Personally, I haven’t decided whether I want children or not. I’m going on 27 and certain I will not be reproducing until I finish college as I have taken six years off taking care of a chronically ill parent. That has given me a lot of experience in taking care of a dependent. I don’t want to have children out of a selfish compulsion of having a “mini-me” like too many others do. If anything I may adopt. There are a lot of children out there that need a good home and a loving environment.

Best of luck to you!