Sex Worker profile
From Secondhand Rose:
Writer turned phone companion and conversationalist. My partner travels, so I understand the loneliness which underlies what some would call just plain old lust.

What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
A phone sex operator and (still) an erotica (and non-erotica) author. I must use different names for each ‘hat’ I wear because there is low tolerance among tribes. :sigh:

Are you active in sex worker activism?
If talking about sex work in a non-apologetic way is an act of activism, then I am an activist. If entering the words “sex worker” in online blanks for occupation, for surveys etc. counts, then I am an activist. I’d love to be able to say that I’m ‘out’ in my community and beyond, but I’m not. Even though my work is legal all over the US, it’s still not accepted; and I recognize that being ‘out’ isn’t just making a choice for me but imposing that choice on others. I’ve seen women lose their children for this (and less than this) and have no desire to taint the lives of those close to me out of a selfish notion of saying it loud and proud.

Do I wish it were different? Hell yes!

But in order for that to be a reality, we as a society need to be honest about sexuality & accept sexuality as a fact of life. Until we do that we can’t accept the ‘little facts’ along the way, such as real sex education, the truth about the validity of sex work, the real need for sex workers, and the honor & pride I/we feel with such work.

I’d like to believe that, along with doing my job well, I chip away each day — little by little — at the notion that sex is bad, dirty or unimportant.

What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
This is difficult & I sure hope I don’t offend anyone…

I’ve watched the feminist movement steadily lose support (and with it, ground) simply because it has difficulty rallying itself & members ’round key points. This because it is hard for one stance to be agreed upon by such a variant and variable group as “women”. The parallels here regarding sex workers are, well, rigidly similar — and scarily pointed downwards.

It’s not that I feel hopeless (about either), but leadership needs to change.

With all due respect to publications and organizations which purport to support sex workers, I have to say that I think they’ve put the horse before the cart in many cases. In order to salvage what little appeal I (may?) have at the moment, I’ll focus on how I think we can get the cart behind the horse — and get more horses pulling it too.

We need to focus on fundamental matters which affect the majority of sex workers. These are the issues sex workers have respect for &/or concern regarding, even if only out of fear. Issues of general sex & reproductive health; civil sexual rights; matters of poverty, race, & safety, especially as ‘used’ in court, are the basics. If we can’t come to any sort of consensus on these most basic issues — issues which are at the heart of getting the general population to give a damn about the rest of our issues — then that’s pretty sad. Ditto if we can’t forge relationships with other groups with the same goals. Sex workers shouldn’t make strange bedfellows, nor hop into bed too soon; but we need to start participating with society, rather than accepting the small corner relegated to us.

What project(s) are you working on now?
It looks like I’m currently working at alienating you and the rest of my colleagues. :sigh: I swear I’m not — and I’m very honored to be a part of this conversation. I just have very strong feelings about how we are going to effect any changes. I’m open to projects & persons which are willing to start at the beginning & work upwards.

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Since I’m childfree I have a lot more freedom to be out an of the closet sex worker. I don’t tell everyone I’m a pso though. Does the clerk at the grocery store need to know? No. Does the gas station clerk need to know? No. But my friends know and I’m thankful for that. Hanging out with people that don’t know can be difficult. It feels like I’m in a constant state of self-editing.

I don’t blurt out I’m a PSO. I get the know the person first so they can know me before they realize I’m a sex worker. People tend to have lots of questions about the work and I don’t mind answering. Not every sex worker has the freedom to openly say what they do. Like SR I feel I too am chipping away at the notion that sex work is bad. Those of us that can be open about our work have the power to challenge and change assumptions about sex workers.

I’ve been a feminist since I was a little girl. My Grandmother had a subscription to Ms. Magazine and would bring over the current issue after she was done reading it. I remember flipping through the pages, not understanding a lot of it but wanting to read it anyway. As much as I love Ms. Magazine for what it is, I don’t have a subscription because I find it too depressing. I prefer magazines like Bust and $pread which incorporate feminism into their publication.

Mind you, I’ve had my clashes with feminism. A couple of years ago Mr. Radical and I were at a market that had a National Organization for Women booth. I’m into NOW so we went up to say hi. They asked if I wanted to become a member. I did! But I asked what their position on porn was first. Since I was a sex worker I wanted to make sure they were ok with it before giving them my money.

What did the two feminist women running the booth do? Look immediately over at my husband in incredulity. He shrugged them off saying he thought it was cool. They looked back and me and gave me a lame answer that didn’t answer my question. Then they passed the buck and suggested I write to NOW and ask. Grr. I did and never heard back. Grr again!

I still identify as a feminist. Admittedly the movement isn’t as inclusive as it could be. But I believe it will one day welcome sex workers. Am I being overly optimistic? Perhaps. But there was a time when feminists shunned lesbians, fearing them to be a “purple menace” that would hurt the movement.

I see a lot of parrells between the sex worker movement and the gay rights movement. Gays have rallied together. Between the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered and queers they too must be a group that is hard to get “one stance to be agreed upon”. But now the GLBTQ movement is a lot stronger. Last year Democratic presidential candidates debated on gay issues. If a candidate says a homophobic remark it’s national news when 10, 20 years ago it wouldn’t have made headlines. This is great progress.

One day I would love for the sex worker movement to be that strong. I believe we can be.

Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland

Posted by Vixen in PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers