A few years ago a friend of me and Mr. Radical’s died after struggling long with an illness. He was a young man-in his late twenties. His wife was a few years younger and their son was in kindergarden at the time. Our friend was so full of life and love and joy. It was heartbreaking to watch his health and body deteriorate. He was beloved by many and the funeral home was packed with friends and family. His widow honored his spirit-though there were tears at the service there was a lot of laughter too.
Afterward, several of us gathered at a friend’s house. As we drank and reminisced more the reality of his death really hit me. Out of habit I had turned on my phone when we got to the house. I was crying when it rang.
I pulled the phone out of my pocket and hesitated. Should I really be answering today? But then I thought the distraction might be nice. I answered and said hello. It was a regular client who normally talks for a couple of hours.
As soon as I realized an easy regular was on the line I decided to take the call. I left the group and went to our friends guest bedroom. (They knew I was a PSO and I had done calls at their place before.)
His fantasy was easy enough-some light humiliation and then some “forced” cocksucking. The call was exactly what I needed-a distraction. I was so upset by the injustice of the universe. Why did such a good person have to die? I needed a break from my reality.
My regular client provided me that break. I jumped right into his fantasy and gave him a great call. I leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes and tried to envision every detail. My sadness was still there. We talked for two hours and I cried for most of it. But the weight of the grief was lightened with the distraction of the call.
He didn’t realize he was giving me compassion. At the end of the call he was excited. “That was great!” he said before hanging up. It was great. I got a break from my grief by visiting another’s fantasy. It was exactly what I needed.
Since that call I’ve often used calls as distractions. When life gets stressful I can hop on a call and take a break from it all. This works great when I’m PMSing and want to strangle those around me for merely breathing the wrong way. It works best with regulars. If I know the guy’s routine I can relax and get into his fantasy. Often the stress relief will feel so strong that I’ll cry. (This is what I alluded to in my Burn Out post.) I’m an easy crier-a good song or movie will make me tear up. I’ve read the Harry Potter series several times but still cry in certain spots every single time.
It’s like a weird meditation. I’ll be leaning back in my chair, silently crying and talking about golden showers. Take your bliss where you can I figure.
The clients give me compassion merely by distracting me. Invariably these calls get great reviews. Clients will often tell me it was our best call together or that no one has ever captured heir fantasy like I have. I’m not quite sure why this is. Perhaps it’s because I’m so focused. In those moments I ignore my thoughts to create a more detailed fantasy for them. By the time we hang up we both feel better, albeit for very different reasons.
Sex Work And Compassion Series
Sex Work And Compassion: Panty Tree
Sex Work and Compassion: Self Hating Client
Sex Work And Compassion: I Show No Compassion
Sex Work And Compassion: Death In A Client’s Family
Sex Work And Compassion: A Call From Baghdad
Sex Work And Compassion: A Client Shows Me Compassion
Sex Work And Compassion: The Angry Family
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 11:39 PM CST