The latest issue of $pread Magazine is out and I’m in it. I wrote up an interview with Jesse Cox for the Style section. I didn’t write the Crafty Courtesan article this time. They’re taking it in a more crafty=clever groove. But maybe I’ll get another crafty pattern in there again.

Want to subscribe to $pread? It’s a pretty awesome magazine and you don’t have to be a sex worker to enjoy it. You can subscribe at their store.

Posted by Vixen as Sex Workers at 10:43 PM CDT

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A few years ago I wrote about a Great Session I did in person. This year I have a perspective from the other end-I had a shitty in person session. (I’ll call the client Shitty Client.)

The session started off promising. My sex worker friend J pulled me in as a second Mistress. We’ve worked together before so I was looking forward to it. Sessions with another sex worker are typically easier and more fun.

SC is a new client for J. She warned me that he’s rather ADD in his desires and a chain smoker. Neither of those things are a deal killer and both of us felt confident in the session.

We got the hotel that day and dressed up in our respective roles-me as the Mistress and her as the Switch. The plan was that we’d both dominate SC part of the time and then I’d dominate them both.

Minutes before showing up SC calls and asks us to go get ice for him. We were already decked out in our session clothes and told him he could get ice when he got here. He complained about that when he showed up. I didn’t think this a big deal at the time but looking back I see it as a bad beginning. But the session had started.

The reason for the ice? SC had brought some whiskey. A quick look at J told me that she was just as surprised by this as I was. I’ve met with clients that have served wine during the session and was fine with it. But this just felt different. He pulled out a flask and demanded cups.

I suppose I should segway a tad and talk about SC’s demands. He had a style of speaking that was very demanding. Even if he was following orders and playing submissive he’d still demand something of us. Again, not a deal killer but it was just another quirk that ruffled my feathers.

Anyway, SC wanted all of us to drink. I’ll drink some wine during sessions, sure. But hard liquor? That didn’t seem like a good idea. J had a real excuse of no alcohol because of medication. But SC made it clear that the session wasn’t starting until one of us drank with him. J and I exchanged glances. I’d drink some of the whiskey.

There is something special about working with another sex worker. During a session we can send messages to each other through nods, winks, nudges, etc. Throughout this session J and I were “talking” this way.

I practiced safe drinking by grabbing the flask before SC could open it. Pretending to faun over the label I inspected the cap to make sure it hadn’t been opened. The sound of the label breaking was a relief. I poured myself a little bit and poured SC more. He picked it up and poured more alcohol into my glass. J fake joked that the Mistress couldn’t get drunk. SC didn’t take the hint and told us we should smoke and drink together first.

Sometimes I took real sips from my cup, other times I just let the whiskey wet my lips. When SC started urging me to drink faster I just let the whiskey spill down my chin and neck while he wasn’t looking. Another time I strutted around the room to show off my skirt and dumped the alcohol down the sink.

While I was handling the liquor, J was dealing with the smoking. She’s a light smoker; I’m a nonsmoker. She lit up with SC who turned out to be quite the chain smoker. He’d smoke one after the other, lighting the new one with the old. I noticed how J managed to smoke less. She mostly let her cigarette burn in the ashtray. When she did pick it up she inhaled lightly. And every time SC put out his cigarette she’d put out hers, even if it was only half way burned. SC would then light her another. By the end of the session my throat hurt from all the smoke in the room.

After settling into the drinks and cigs SC paid us our fee. “Make sure you count this,” he said as he handed us our fees. It was one of those awkward moments-counting right in front of him would be sort of tacky. It looked like the right amount so we didn’t.

SC kept stalling on starting the kink play. We tried to introduce different activities but he’d complain that we were rushing things. Then while drinking he’d complain that we hadn’t started. “I’ve paid you enough for three weeks,” he told us several times. That was ludicrous but we didn’t point it out. The look on J’s face told me she was thinking the same thing I was-he’s going to dick around with the time.

He had wanted golden showers and lots of them. One good thing about the alcohol was that it filled up my bladder fast. But SC wouldn’t get started. Finally I stood up and said I’m peeing NOW and grabbed a container.

Though he insisted on golden showers he balked at being ordered to drink it. My patience was being tried. Why was he being so difficult!?! Once he sipped the glass of pee though he drank it right up.

Another problem started shortly after the first golden shower. SC had roaming hands. Different sex workers have different boundaries. If you go see a stripper there’s rules on where or if you can touch her. It’s the same with a mistress. SC didn’t respect boundaries at all. Over and over he tried grabbing our breasts and asses. I can’t tell you how many times I redirected his hands but I can tell you it was frustrating. He knew what he was doing too. He’d wait until I was distracted with spanking him to try to grab a handful. Eventually I had J hold his hands while I swatted his ass.

Near the end of the session SC started complaining about the time. Dammit, we were expecting that! He said we had 4 or 5 hours with him. I was still thinking of a rebuttal when J took charge. She dropped all pretense of mistress and spoke in her don’t-fuck-with-me voice. She reviewed the whole deal-the fee, the time, the agreed on play. SC tried to protest and she reviewed it again.

He switched tactics. “Well if you don’t want to stay I guess I’ll be here all alone.” Argh!!! One way to quickly piss off a sex worker is to fuck around on the agreed on deal during the session. I was quietly fuming.

We tried wrapping up, even spinning a “to be continued” fantasy in case he wanted to see us again. SC was having none of it. He just pretended that the session wasn’t ending. Again, J took charge. She matter-of-factly told SC we had to get going and started getting dressed in her normal clothes. I followed her lead and got dressed myself.

SC wasn’t moving. “Maybe I’ll take a nap and you’ll play with me when you get back,” he said. We told him that was fine and even pulled back the covers on the bed. It was our hotel room and we were leaving him in it!

We took all our toys and the room keys and left. As we walked to J’s car she said-Oh my God, never again!” I agreed.

When we got in the car I had a feeling we should count the money. Sure enough SC shorted me $60. Not enough to go back and complain but it was just one more shitty thing for him to do. J picked up the hotel tab for me since I got shorted which was a sweet gesture. Sex worker solidarity baby!

I drove by the hotel later that day to make sure SC had left. He was driving out as I was driving in, though I don’t think he recognized me. Ironically, SC asked for another session shortly after this one. Apparently he had “a great time playing with you girls”. That was a surprise to hear considering his actions during the session conveyed the opposite.

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 11:34 PM CDT

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“Happy Freedom Day” is what Jesse and I like to say to each other on the holiday. Then we typically launch into some bitching about politics, a tradition with us. Since it’s Freddom Day let’s see how the freedom of press is holding up these days. Not so good it seems, especially in relation to the BP spill.

First up, a YouTube/CNN clip of Anderson Cooper reporting on BP censoring reporters.

First Amendment Has been Suspended
“As BP makes its latest attempt to plug its gushing oil well, news photographers are complaining that their efforts to document the slow-motion disaster in the Gulf of Mexico are being thwarted by local and federal officials—working with BP—who are blocking access to the sites where the effects of the spill are most visible.”

—

In case the YouTube video goes down I’ll include a text version:

From First Amendment Coalition:
BP, Government Criminalize Media Efforts to Access Spill
“COOPER: “the Coast Guard today announced new rules keeping photographers and reporters and anyone else from coming within 65 feet of any response vessel or booms out on the water or on beaches — 65 feet.

Now, in order to get closer, you have to get direct permission from the Coast Guard captain of the Port of New Orleans. You have to call up the guy. What this means is that oil-soaked birds on islands surrounded by boom, you can’t get close enough to take that picture.

Shots of oil on beaches with booms, stay 65 feet away. Pictures of oil-soaked booms uselessly laying in the water because they haven’t been collected like they should, you can’t get close enough to see that. And, believe me, that is out there.

But you only know that if you get close to it, and now you can’t without permission. Violators could face a fine of $40,000 and Class D felony charges.

What’s even more extraordinary is that the Coast Guard tried to make the exclusion zone 300 feet, before scaling it back to 65 feet””

—

From the ACLU:
Respecting the Press and Public Access During the BP Oil Spill
“We’ve heard countless stories of journalists trying to cover the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico being denied access in one way or another. Whether they’re trying to fly over the spill to take photos, gain access to the oil-covered beaches, or take pictures of the dead animals washing ashore, a “media clampdown” continues despite federal government assurances that access is “uninhibited.”

One BP representative told a Mother Jones reporter that BP could restrict access to the Elmer’s Island Wildlife Refuge because “it’s BP’s oil.” And many reports indicate that local law enforcement has actually been cooperating with BP to restrict journalists’ access to the spill.”

—

From Raw Story:
BP, cops detain reporter for taking pictures of oil refinery
“A photographer taking pictures for ProPublica was detained Friday while shooting pictures in Texas City, Texas.

The photographer, Lance Rosenfield, said that shortly after arriving in town, he was confronted by a BP security officer, local police and a man who identified himself as an agent of the Department of Homeland Security. He was released after the police reviewed the pictures he had taken on Friday and recorded his date of birth, Social Security number and other personal information.”

—

From AlterNet:
BP Is Destroying Evidence and Censoring Journalists
“While President Obama insists that the federal government is firmly in control of the response to BP’s spill in the Gulf, people in coastal communities where I visited last week in Louisiana and Alabama know an inconvenient truth: BP — not our president — controls the response. In fact, people on the ground say things are out of control in the gulf.

Even worse, as my latest week of adventures illustrate, BP is using federal agencies to shield itself from public accountability.

(snip)

With oil undisputedly hitting the beaches and the number of dead wildlife mounting, BP is switching tactics. In Orange Beach, people told me BP wouldn’t let them collect carcasses. Instead, the company was raking up carcasses of oiled seabirds. “The heads separate from the bodies,” one upset resident told me. “There’s no way those birds are going to be autopsied. BP is destroying evidence!”

The body count of affected wildlife is crucial to prove the harm caused by the spill, and also serves as an invaluable tool to evaluate damages to public property - the dolphins, sea turtles, whales, sea birds, fish, and more, that are owned by the American public. Disappeared body counts means disappeared damages - and disappeared liability for BP. BP should not be collecting carcasses. The job should be given to NOAA, a federal agency, and volunteers, as was done during the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska.”

Posted by Vixen as News at 11:23 PM CDT

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Found via World Sex News:
Lawyers try to ban Tiger Woods sex doll
“Lawyers for Tiger Woods are reported to be trying to halt the sale of a series of sex toys which exploit the golfer’s new-found reputation as a sex maniac. They include a ‘Take Home Tiger Love Doll’ and packages of ‘wood cover’ super-size condoms.

The items are for sale on the website of Pipedream Products, which advertises such handy products as “the world’s first rotating vibrating cordless masturbator”.”

I checked out Pipedream Products site and found the Take-Home Tiger Love Doll.
“He’ll always be ready to play an extra hole or two! He’ll show you his wood if you show him your hole. He’s Got Major Wood!”

They certainly have some cheesy puns but I don’t really see the appeal.

—

From the St. Petersburg Times:
Stripper mobile rolls again in Tampa, but with a twist
“The controversial stripper mobile returned to the streets this weekend, cruising Tampa’s party zones with dancers spinning around a pole in fishnet stockings, high heels and thongs.

Only these dancers weren’t your regular strippers from Deja Vu. They were club security guards, dressed in drag and shaking their booty in between laughs.

The club decided to take a more comic approach Friday night after some locals objected to strippers grinding in the back of a plastic-sided truck. Instead of girls in bikinis, they created their own exotic dancers: singer Meatloaf after a sex change, a big-breasted girl jumping out of a cake, and Cher. They even had a Tiger Woods look-alike in a Nike hat and glove.”

I like the twist. Especially the part in the article where two of the guards spanked the Woods look-alike with a golf club.

From 10 News:
Tampa’s Stripper mobile back on the streets
“Police put the brakes on the stripper mobile a few weeks ago, but Friday night the owners of the controversial vehicle say they plan on taking it out again.

“We are legal as of right now, we are legal,” said Eric “Ice” Terrell the general manager of Déjà Vu, the company that the vehicle.

Terrell says a registration issue has been resolved allowing them to drive the stripper mobile again. He also says after meeting with police they’ve agreed to make some changes. They include having the dancers in the back of the vehicle wear more clothing while performing less suggestive moves.”

There’s also a short video at the link above.

—

From Wired:
Ruling: State Can Dump Non-Sex Offenders Into Registry
“Georgia’s Supreme Court is upholding the government’s right to put non-sex offenders on the state’s sex-offender registry, highlighting a little-noticed (but growing) nationwide practice.

Atlanta criminal defense attorney Ann Marie Fitz estimated that perhaps thousands of convicts convicted of non-sexual crimes have been placed in sex-offender databases. Fitz represents a convict who was charged with false imprisonment when he was 18 for briefly detaining a 17-year-old girl during a soured drug deal. He unsuccessfully challenged his mandatory, lifelong sex-offender listing to the Georgia Supreme Court, which ruled against him Monday.”

(snip)

In addition to the obvious stigma associated with deviant behavior, listed offenders cannot live near schools or work with children. Additionally, their photos are often publicly available online, they’re banned from social networking sites, and they must get permission to travel across state lines.

The nation’s high court has upheld sex-offender registration statutes as applied to sex offenders, but hasn’t heard a case involving convicts who have not committed sex offenses.”

The Reform Sex Offenders website is full of stories where people were unjustly punished.
“We believe many aspects of the current approach to sex offenders seriously undermine justice and make our society less compatible with the welfare of young people. We support carefully limited laws that target harmful acts, not whole classes of people, and which rehabilitate rather than vindictively punish and shame offenders. We assert that only by supporting justice for all people can we maintain a safe society.”

It’s not a popular opinion but I don’t think the Adam Walsh Act is constitutional. I don’t believe in punishing someone after they’ve completed their prison sentence/parole/probation. Why are only sex offenders made to register? Drug dealers, rapists, armed robbers and murderers don’t have to register when they get out of prison. I’d be more worried about a murderer living next door to me than the convict described in the Wired story.

—

From the ACLU:
Demand Justice for Jene Newsome!
“Earlier this week, ACLU of South Dakota Executive Director Robert Doody blogged about the case of Jene Newsome, an aircraft armament system craftswoman for the Air Force who was outed by Rapid City police officers. She was discharged from the Air Force under the Defense Department’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) policy.

Today, the Justice for Jene Facebook group has a new message to send to Rapid City Mayor Alan Hanks and the Rapid City Council. The new message demands four things:

The Rapid City Police Department issue an official apology to Jene Newsome.
The officers involved in this incident are reprimanded.
The Rapid City Police Department immediately adopt a policy that states that they will no longer out lesbian and gay military members.
Jene Newsome is compensated for the loss of her military career.”

Yet another example of why DADT needs to be repealed.

—

Let’s end with something uplifting shall we?
From Printed Matter Screenprinting:
Sex Worker Solidarity Tshirt
“A four-color print printed on both uni-sex shirts and girl-cut shirts.”

This is an awesome shirt. Here’s a close up:

I’ve contacted the blogger on details for buying one.

Posted by Vixen as News at 8:40 PM CDT

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This Dec. 17th was my first time at an International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers event. It was a somber event but also an inspiring one. I cried, as did others in attendance. But I left with the hope that comes from activist solidarity.

We sex workers have much work to do but we do have each other.

At tonight’s event a bowl was passed around with the victims’ names printed on slips of paper. We took turns saying their names aloud so we could all honor their memory. I drew out the following names:

Patricia Dunn Chicago, IL 1990’s
Shaquanta Langley Chicago, IL 1990’s
Nicole Townsend Chicago, IL 1990’s

I want to research these fallen sex workers. I hope to learn their stories and to write about them. One of the women tonight said “please don’t forget me” after reading her slips of paper. By writing about these women I hope to honor their memory and to raise awareness of violence against sex workers.

Posted by Vixen as Activism, Sex Workers at 11:02 PM CST

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From the BBC:
Knitted breasts help new mothers
“The woolly breasts are being used at Liverpool Women’s Hospital to show new mothers how to breastfeed and how to express milk if necessary.

(snip)

They are used by community midwife teams to demonstrate how milk should be expressed, particularly for premature babies being kept in hospital.”

—

From Bound, Not Gagged:
Every Sex Worker, A Human Rights Defender
“The conference will include sex worker-only activities in order to form friendships and create solidarity, as well as organizing sessions to develop the alliance’s mission and principles. The immediate outcome of the conference will be to prepare a position paper and petition that demands an end to the violation of sex workers’ human rights that will be presented to the media and other key bodies and institutions. The issues of sex trafficking and child sex work interact with the adult sex industry, but are pressing concerns that demand separate special attention.”

—

From Fleshbot:
Amy Fisher Finds Forgiveness In The Adult Industry
“You might expect that a woman who garnered national attention at age seventeen as the Long Island Lolita would spend the rest of her life avoiding the spotlight. But you would be underestimating Amy Fisher.

Since her release from prison, Amy has chosen to take advantage of her name recognition, pursuing a career as a writer, starring in a “leaked” sex tape, and now—in what is, ultimately, a natural progression—crossing completely into the adult industry with a dirty pay-per-view special, her very own porno website, and a side career as a feature dancer. Last week, we spoke with Amy in her Long Island home, where she told us all about her new life and why a Long Island mom would want to get into porn.”

—

From Sports Illustrated:
Ariz. TV station says porn clip interrupts Super Bowl
“A Tucson television station’s broadcast of the Super Bowl on Sunday was interrupted for some viewers by about 10 seconds of pornographic material, the station said.

KVOA TV in Tucson released a statement saying that the only viewers who were able to see the material were those who receive the channel through Comcast cable.”

Video of the porn blooper can be seen here.

—

From Kasidie:
Strange But True Sex Laws in the USA
“Our Legal System at Its… Finest? “

Posted by Vixen as News at 10:32 PM CST

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From Live Nude Girls Unite:
“This first person documentary follows Julia Query, lesbian/stand-up comedian/peepshow-stripper, and daughter of a feminist activist, on her raucous journey to help organize the only union of strippers in the United States. Shot on a variety of formats, Live Nude Girls Unite! weaves backstage and dancing footage with labor organizing, street protests, stand-up comedy and comic-book style “animation” making an intelligent and dramatic cutting-edge film.”

(snip)

“So begins a battle that rocks the sex industry with street protests, lock-outs, and confrontations. Then Julia gets a call from the producers of the First International Conference on Prostitution inviting her to both present about the union and perform her comedy routine. After accepting the invitation, Julia discovers that her mother, Dr. Joyce Wallace, well-known for her pioneering work with prostitutes and AIDS, is also scheduled to present at the conference. In an amazing and painful “coming out” sequence, Julia reveals to her mother that she is a sex-worker fighting to help sex workers, similar to her mother’s efforts to save street-working prostitutes. But Julia’s mother sees them as on the opposite sides of the sex war debates that have rocked the feminist movement for decades. While Dr. Wallace ardently speaks about the victimization of the women she helps, an equally impassioned Julia jokes that as a professional dominatrix she is working for social justice. But Julia’s joking around barely covers up the cracks occurring in the world around her. The union drive is far more difficult and complicated than imagined, spirits are low, and her mother, furious at Julia not only for being a stripper, but also for tainting her professional reputation with the stigma of a sex-worker daughter, is not speaking to her. Live Nude Girls UNITE! brings the parallel stories of unionizing and Julia’s relationship with her mother through to their poignant resolution.”

—

Mr. Radical and I recently watched Live Nude Girls Unite! This came out back in 2000 but I hadn’t heard about it until this year. If you haven’t seen this movie I highly recommend it.

After hearing about the working conditions I completely understand why they fought back. The women organized a day of protest at work that results in one of them getting fired. What did they do? They went on strike outside the club until the woman got her job back. The solidarity shown in those scenes got me all teared up.

During the strike the workers hold protest signs and chant protest slogans. My favorite was “Stripper rights are under attack! What do we do? Get dressed, fight back!” Another good one was “Two, four, six, eight, don’t come here to masturbate!”

The scene where Julia confesses to her mother that she’s a sex worker was very powerful. The scene feels tense, emotional and raw. My parents don’t know that I’m a sex worker so I completely understand why she wanted to stay closeted.

The film shows the strippers backstage getting dressed for work. I always get a kick watching sex workers transform into their work personas. It’s fun to see how a tattooed, pierced punk chick turns herself into an ‘all American/girl next door/centerfold’ type.

The film was very inspiring and really showed the power sex workers have when we stick together.

(And for the knitters out there-when the women are waiting in a negotiation room one of them is knitting a scarf. I recognized the pattern and have myself made a scarf using it.)

Posted by Vixen as Activism, Reviews, Sex Workers at 10:10 PM CST

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Sex Worker Profile
Craig Seymour was a stripper in D.C. during the ’90s. He writes about the experience in his book All I Could Bare: My Life in the Strip Clubs of Gay Washington, D.C. My review of the book is in the current issue of $pread Magazine.

What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I’m not currently doing any sex work, unless you considering writing a memoir about being a stripper and then selling it to people as sex work : ) It’s certainly work, and both men and women have told me that they’ve gotten a little horny while reading it. So, in that way, I guess I’m still selling sex for money.

Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
Not as active on the front lines as I should be or would like to be. But I do see my memoir as a bit of covert activism. I think a lot of people have a negative view of sex work because they see sex workers and their customers as stereotypes. But in my book I try to humanize sex workers and customers by openly sharing my own story and those of others who were a part of the scene. My goal was to paint a truthful, yet multi-dimensional, picture. Already, I’ve gotten emails from people who can relate my experience as a stripper to their experiences as waitresses, members of sports teams, and a whole host of other things. So hopefully I’m doing my part. I think the first step in any sort of activism is to get people to think about something differently, and hopefully my book is helping to change perceptions.

What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
It’s the same way you’d promote solidarity among all people — don’t judge, and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It would always drive me crazy when my fellow strippers would look down on hustlers or porn models. I mean, it’s fine if that’s not your choice. But there’s no point in looking down on people who make the choice to do it. And most people outside of the sex industry think it’s all the same anyway. (I learned this lesson firsthand from the critical reactions to my book. Numerous reviews refer to me as a “prostitute” even though all I ever did was j/o for one guy one time; he didn’t touch me, and I didn’t touch him.)

What project(s) are you working on now?
A novel. And, yes, one character is a sex worker…

—

Though Craig downplays his activism by saying he’s not on the front lines I still think he’s doing important work. All I Could Bare does an excellent job of humanizing sex workers. There were so many times I related to his experiences and I’ve never been a stripper. I imagine he’ll have plenty of readers who have never done sex work that will still relate to his stories.

In the recent issue of $pread Craig relates a story about a waitress who related to his book. Finding connections to others is vital if we want people to see sex work as just another type of labor. If I take away the titillating details of calls I can relate to a lot of workers. Who hasn’t had a day where they didn’t want to work or a day where some piece of important equipment breaks at an inopportune time? Once a connection is made acceptance can happen.

A friend of mine is a nurse. When she found out I was a PSO she found someone she could share her weird hospital experiences with. For years she worked as an emergency room nurse. That woman has seen some weird things shoved up patients rectums. Most people might not want to hear those types of stories. But she was able to laugh about them with me. I found them very entertaining. Our work is so different but we related to each other in many ways.

The more non-sex-workers can relate to us the more support we’ll have. We can try to mobilize ourselves as much as possible but for measures like Prop K to pass we’ll need as much support as we can get.

I’m also happy that Craig is still proud and out about his sex worker past. After reading Sarah Katherine Lewis’ books (reviews here and here) it was so nice to read a sex worker reflect on his work in a positive light.

It’s interesting to hear he’s writing a novel featuring a sex worker. I’d like to see more sex worker characters. Ideally, I’d like them to be similar to the PSO character in the book Native Tongue by Carl Hiaasen. She was a PSO but it wasn’t the plot of the book-it was just a part of her character. There was no moral struggle about her work. Instead Hiaasen often used it comedic effect. This humanized sex work, just like Craig mentions.

Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie
Sex Worker Solidarity: Catalina

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 10:48 PM CST

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Jesse and I had been playing horrible phone tag. This happened leading up to the RNC so there was much to talk about. When we finally got to talk we didn’t waste any time jumping into things.

RV: Hey!
J: OMG Where do we begin?
RV: Palin!
J: I know!!!

We launched into our bitch session about Palin first. When we got to her history of being anti-choice Jesse said:

“Do we even know she’s a woman? I’ve seen her voting record but I haven’t seen her vagina!”

Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 10:46 AM CDT

3 Comments »

Sex Worker Profile
I am Catalina. I’m a 36-year-old polyamorous sex kitten who has somehow made a name for herself as a sex expert (and slut). Aside from that, I’m a PR and marketing consultant, a mother, a wife, a professional domme, a fellatrix, a mentor, a writer, a stoner hippie chick, a nerd, a princess, a dork, a whore, a Daddy’s girl, and a wanna-be yogi. My Master is Marky D. Sade.

What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
Aside from my work as a sex(positive) writer, I am also a professional dominatrix, fellatrix, and a fetish model.  I have just recently started producing fetish content to open my own Clips Store. 

Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I don’t consider myself to be politically active, however I do consider myself to be a sex positive person.  In a society where women are taught that sex is shameful, I proudly state that I love sex. I take pride in the term “slut,” as someone who likes to fuck. 

Also, as far as my work in the sex industry - I don’t feel ashamed to do what I do.  My friends know about my work, we talk about it over coffee sometimes as their jaws drop when I tell them about my latest adventures.  Nobody in my circle has ever been anything but supportive.  Many of my female friends confide in me that they have thought of using their bodies for money, but haven’t due to the taboo of it. 

Of course, I am pretty “out” as far as the bigger world is concerned.  Not only do I write about some of my clients and adventures on Catalina Loves, I have a blog solely dedicated to my Fetish/FemDom work called Momme Domme: From Professional Momme to Professional Domme.

I do, however, believe that the single most important thing that I do as a sex-positive role model is raising sex-positive daughters.  I don’t talk to them about inappropriate things or show them inappropriate images, but I also don’t treat sexuality like it’s a dirty sin.  For example, the book I’m reviewing for my blog called, “Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide To Masturbation,” is sitting in the bathroom, accidentally left there on purpose in the hopes that my 14-year-old reads it and learns that masturbation is normal and healthy.

What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Tricky Tricky!  In my perfect world, I would have a group of local friends who are sex workers.  Ideally we could compare notes on clients, the business side of things, and also have a sense of camaraderie.  However, in my experience, there is too much competition between the women and it always breaks down into a feud.  I try to actually stay to myself in real life, and be as supportive as possible online to those who seek me out.

What project(s) are you working on now?
I write my own personal sex blog at Catalina Loves, my personal journal and opinions at Catalina Says, my Professional Dominatrix/Fetish Model blog at Momme Domme, a weekly sex blog review of my favorite posts called This Week in Kink, and a weekly list of new things to try on Catalina’s Good Things List. I also contribute at Breathplay, Corset and Collar, and Mr. and Mrs. Kink which I write with Marky D. Sade. 

I am a featured blogger on Social Kink, a toy reviewer for Vibe Review and Liberator, and a book reviewer for Seal Press.  On top of that, I’m writing a book that chronicles my work in the sex industry, as well as editing and writing the foreward to Melvin Moten Jr’s latest book.
 
Together, Marky D. Sade and I run Quid Pro Quo, a PR and Marketing company that specializes in the fetish market. Our client list includes some of the industry’s top models, photographers, and webmasters.

—

Sometimes I think I’m a busy blogger. I have a handful of online projects and there are times I have more than I can handle. Then I interview Catalina, who has so many online projects I don’t know when the woman sleeps, and realize that I’m really not that busy. Her enthusiasm for kink shows in her writings and her photographs and she is a delight to chat with.

I can relate to Catalina’s wish of having a “group of local friends who are sex workers”. While I do have a group of women I occasionally meet up with, I wish I had a weekly coffee night with fellow workers.

Like Catalina most of my networking is done online. I remember when I first found an online forum for PSOs. (Unfortunately, it has long been abandoned due to hacking.) Years ago the forum was full of activity. The online conversations helped me through phases of burn out and helped me become a better PSO. It was a place to bitch about cranky clients and a place to seek advice.

With her husband Mark, she is creating quite the network of kinksters. Though some may not consider this activism I do. There is value in creating connections between kinksters, as there is with connecting sex workers. Catalina makes an excellent point that many of us feud instead of support each other. I’ve had tensions with fellow workers and I’ve seen plenty of drama in the BDSM community. However I believe that both movements are getting stronger. The more we can support each other the stronger we become as a unified group. I certainly feel more connected to fellow sex workers and activists since I began blogging. And I hope these feelings continue to grow.

Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 9:55 PM CDT

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Sex Worker Profile
I’m a former escort, now running Sex-Kitten.Net, a lifestyles site for women who admit that sex is a part of their lives. SK, as we affectionately call it, has many regular columnists as well as guests (both male and female). I started it nearly a decade ago!

If you’d like more of my bio, please see here.

What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
Technically I’m a writer and an editor; but I see myself as a facilitator of conversations.

Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I consider myself an activist in the sense that I work very hard to keep sex from being a dirty taboo. By keeping the dialog open and ongoing, I hope to further understanding and acceptance of sex by society. If ‘mainstream’ society doesn’t accept sex, neither sex work nor the workers will be respected.

How I do this is by facilitating conversations and by providing a forum for these conversations.

I believe that it is through conversations that women identify, scrutinize, question, confront & come to terms with their concerns & needs. As women communicate with each other from a place of mutual respect, individual as well as partner needs, insecurities, & desires are exposed & understood.

In short, and I’m not known for being succinct *wink*, I believe that having a place to share and connect, to ask and to answer, to face their own fears and see them mirrored in the insecurities of others, is a place to not only build awareness but to exercise tolerance and understanding of others.

And I help others market their adult sites, products and services as The Marketing Whore.

Similarly, by keeping an open dialog between mainstream and adult marketers, I hope to break down barriers by showing that business is business and that ethics are a part of our business (quite often more than in mainstream business).

What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Honestly, I often think the largest problem currently facing sex worker solidarity is ourselves.

I hear too many sex workers discussing the differences between types of sex work and debating the definitions of sex workers ~ and not just in a marketing sense. Like the political ‘red states vs. blue states’, we are focusing on the smaller differences which keep us apart, forgetting that we have much more in common than not, and making it more difficult to come together in terms of understanding & acceptance of one another. This also makes it much more difficult to unify and work for the understanding & acceptance of sex and sex work by the public at large. But this fragmentation of our industry is also far more insidious.

When I hear one pro belittle another pro, my heart aches. When I hear one sex worker claim superiority over another, I feel quite sick to my stomach. I’m not talking about individuals with ethics problems ~ we most certainly should be calling one another out and holding one another accountable for adding to the negative stereotypes; I’m talking about the sex workers who fall for the moral arguments, believing in lines & using them to keep some sense of purity… The “I’m not that kind” thinking not only divides us, but is proof that at some level the person has fallen for and accepts that sex work is dirty (in a bad way).

Bad ethics aside, there is no bad sex work.

Higher rates do not make one sex worker more pure than another; nor do specific acts. Escorts, hookers, hos, those who work directly with flesh & fluids, are no dirtier (or cleaner) than phone sex operators who work with words. Those making or selling sex products for the purpose of sexual gratification (toys, erotic stories, porn films & publications, etc.) are no more (or less) involved in sex work than an escort, a pro Domme, a PSO, etc. Those who write non-fiction works; who create educational sex films & guides; who report on sex health issues; who fight for better reproductive rights; who push for better policies & treatment for gender issues; who treat, medicate, counsel, & create tools with which to better treat, medicate, etc. ~ they all can claim themselves sex workers, should they wish to don the scarlet letters and cloaks.

And I hope they do.

For each one of us wants sexuality to be safe, sane, consensual, and pleasurable ~ be it free or paid. Yet every time we justify our work as better, more pure, more acceptable than the work of another, or limit entrance into the movement or industry, we move away from those goals.

We are all part of the same struggle. We should be welcoming one another with open hearts as well as open minds. After all, that’s what we are asking others to do with us, with sex work.

What project(s) are you working on now?
I am an editor, not just for the website, but two book imprints:
Sex-Kitten books
Gracie Passsette Productions

I also will be writing at Women Blogging For Democrats with hopes that ’sex’ can appear as part of a political platform ~ heaven knows there are plenty of these
issues, such as reproductive health, sex education, and basic rights which are linked to gender and sexuality, which should be a part of every candidate’s platform.

—

Gracie’s comment “If ‘mainstream’ society doesn’t accept sex, neither sex work nor the workers will be respected” really hit home with me. She’s right but she’s also timely. If ‘mainstream’ society didn’t have such a stigma around sex would Jeane Palfrey still be alive today? But this idea reaches beyond her. How many murdered prostitutes might be alive today? How many women who hide their sex worker past could come out of the closet if they were free from stigma? Would sex workers be able to put their work on a resume for a ‘normal’ job without fear of discrimination? The list can go on and on.

We have a lot of work to do to get the acceptance, respect and rights we want. I believe we can get them, though I’ll admit it’s a long road. Gracie makes an excellent point about sex workers getting caught up on our smaller differences. It’s a trap many activist groups fall into. Focusing on our similarities instead of our differences is vital.

I like to focus on the little details that we share in common. I was just talking to Jesse Cox earlier tonight. We were laughing about how our clients want to buy our expensive panties. She never sells the panties she wears on stage and I don’t sell the panties I wear in photos. We’ve carefully picked them to coordinate with our work clothes. Getting rid of the panties would ruin a good outfit. Though she strips and I do phone sex we find a lot of similarities in our work.

She comments that “We are all part of the same struggle. We should be welcoming one another with open hearts as well as open minds. After all, that’s what we are asking others to do with us, with sex work.” Well said Gracie, well said.

Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 11:33 PM CDT

2 Comments »

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #126? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Filling Myself
“We too want, need, conversations in which someone listens to us and considers our needs, not just their own.”

Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks
“There’s a lot of love among activists, even those who disagree with one another.”

Need
“These images that come from the artistic workings of your inner soul speak to me, as mine do to you.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself (one from the vaults)
10 Lies Pornographers Tell

Editor’s Choice
Though We’ve Never Met

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

All-Nekkid Thursday courtesy of Tara Tainton.

Posted by Vixen as Sugasm at 11:23 PM CDT

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Sex Worker profile
I’m a native Texan who is currently a little out of water in California (the foggy part, not the sunny part). I’m someone who has been interested in sex work since 10 years old and I feel very at home within the adult industry. I’m creating a reference series for Internet escorts and am becoming involved in activism. It’s a way to try and right a lot of wrongs I’ve noticed since I was a kid.

What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I spent my 20s as a stripper and independent Internet escort. I’m currently not engaged in sex work.

Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I’d always been curious about it, but it didn’t seem to be for me. A few months after my first book was out Jill Brenneman contacted me through MySpace and we started corresponding. She described my book (and series) as “harm reduction.” It’s an appropriate description and that got my interest. She invited me to join SWOP-East as a board member.

In July 2007 I attended (and presented at) the Desiree Alliance conference. It was a moving experience. There is no way I can let these passionate people down. Though everyone has a slightly different area of focus, the overwhelming impression is of motivated, informed people who are trying to make a difference in a positive way. There’s a lot of love among activists, even those who disagree with one another. Looking forward to the 2008 conference in Chicago!

Through SWOP-East I’ve gotten to start Pledging Action – a condom donation program for sex workers in Chile. I’ve recently joined the Desiree Alliance board. My focus there is as a liaison for SWOP-East and working to create a Media Center for sex workers through DA. (This is in the thought/planning stages, so don’t ask for specifics yet!)

My books are very much an activist statement even though they’re not overt. The idea of producing information for escorts so they can choose their work, determine their work environment and control their destiny in the safest manner is activism at a broad level. I’m all for empowering escorts as women and as sex workers.

What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Since every sex worker has their own pet issues, it’s important for all of us to step back and view the big picture. The truth is, every sex worker faces the same basic social issues - only the degree and intensity changes. Those who work in criminalized fields face additional legal and social issues which are essentially the same regardless of what “class” the sex worker belongs to.

Promoting solidarity isn’t hard with blogs, discussion forums and real-live groups. When you start to feel a sense of belonging with others who understand your obstacles, it’s easy to present a united front in public even if you have disagreements in private.

Sometimes the distance of the Internet backfires and we splinter into arguments over things that matter only to us. Then it’s important to remember what I said above: we all face the same basic issues.

Promoting solidarity comes from every sex worker reaching out to another on an individual level. We’re all people-persons; otherwise we wouldn’t be sex workers. But feeling involved requires that we learn the individual. Sex workers aren’t going to feel loyalty to someone whom they only know from a mass e-mail (like current mainstream-marketing wisdom suggests). Meeting the individual sex worker isn’t hard to do and it isn’t difficult. But since there are so many sex workers it’s going to take a long time to reach everyone!

I have to add, this series is a great starting point for introducing an audience to sex workers we haven’t met before. I’ve contacted a couple of your interview subjects because of their interview here.

What project(s) are you working on now?
Too many!

Working on Book #2. The manuscript is back from the typographer and I’m proofing it before sending it to the printer. Yay! Also, working on fleshing out the outline for Book #3 and doing preliminary research (the basic outline has been in place for a couple years but this is detail-work).

Trying to promote Pledging Action and solicit condom donations. I’m not the best at this but I don’t consider it a closed issue.

Working with SWOP-East on whatever issues we have on the table. We have many things in the planning stages and hope to move forward on a lot of projects. Fundraising is a big issue right now.

Working with DA in whatever capacity I can.

Trying to promote Book#1 and myself

Writing a monthly column for EscortSupport.com

Blogging
The Notebook (the book’s blog)
After Hours (personal blog)
Bound, not Gagged (moderator and contributor)
SWOP-East (news blogging)
Amazon and MySpace blogs (my stepchildren locked in the basement)

Working on my Squidoo lenses …and a million other little things that all connect to everything above and eat my time – but you don’t want me to list everything!

—

Amanda’s comment “There’s a lot of love among activists, even those who disagree with one another.” really struck a chord with me. Since the Spitzer scandal first broke I’ve been seeing a lot of the “love among activists” that Amanda mentions. While the many stories in the mainstream press focused on portraying Kristen as a “good girl gone bad” sex worker activists were not only supporting her but creating solidarity with each other as well.

Whenever I would get enraged or depressed with the Spitzer coverage I would turn to the sex worker community online. Writer after writer was bringing up important issues, using the scandal to shine a light on our many causes. Scandals like these seem to come as regularly as the seasons but this one really brought home to me just how much solidarity and activism is really out there.

Amanda’s makes an excellent point about the online community. It does create more solidarity and bring us closer. Just like she says, we sometimes “splinter into arguments” amongst ourselves. But again and again we return to support each other because “we all face the same basic issues”. Focusing on our common grounds makes us closer and our movement stronger.

Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 11:39 PM CDT

5 Comments »

Thinking about sharing an abstract, workshop, or training at the 2008 Desiree Alliance conference? Got something to teach other sex workers? Why not submit a presentation idea?

Sex Worker Conference In Chicago July 16-20, 2008

On July 16-20 of 2008, hundreds of sex workers and sex worker activists will converge on Chicago at the Desiree Alliance Conference:

“Pulling Back the Sheets: Sex, Work and Social Justice”

Deadline for submissions: Friday March 21st, 2008

Email submissions to: dasubmissions@yahoo.com or call: 1-866-525-7967 extension 702 for assistance.

All presentations will be considered, and confirmation will be provided by April 11th for all submissions.

A Proposal should include:

Title for your presentation

Affiliation with an organization or social justice movement you’d like to have listed

A short paragraph with your background and experience in sex work or the sex workers rights’ movement

A one paragraph summary of the workshop or presentation (four to eight sentences)

The time frame needed to present, whether 15 minutes, half-hour or an hour.

Please include whether or not you will need any technical support, such as a projector or AV, etc.

We are accepting practical workshops from all genders and working backgrounds including, but not limited to the following subjects:

Advocacy/Outreach, Court Support and Solidarity, Fundraising/Grant-writing, Self-Defense Training, Planning for Retirement, Protecting Our Families, Health & Safety Issues, How to Run a Business, Direct Services, Substances in the Workplace, Strategies for Alternatives to Criminalization, Policy Reform, Grassroots Organizing, Building Community, Labor Organizing, Lobbying, Media Training, Wellness Leadership from Sex Workers, Technical Training for the Web, Marketing Strategies for Organizing and Sex Work, Screening Clients, Policies related to Sex Work and, Bridging International Sex Work Communities, Workshops about Clients, Allyship with the Prison Reform Movement, Impacts of Criminalization and Incarceration on Our Community, John Schools, Impacts of End Demand and Anti-Trafficking Policies, Media Advocacy Toolkits, Federal Law and Sex Work, Issues Specific to Trans Sex Work Communities, Resisting Oppression, How to be an Ally to…. Sex Workers.

The Desiree Alliance is a diverse, volunteer-based, sex worker-led network of organizations, communities and individuals across the US working in harm reduction, direct services, political advocacy and health services for sex workers. We provide leadership development and create space for sex workers and supporters to come together to advocate for human, labor and civil rights for all workers in the sex industry.

Posted by Vixen as Activism, Sex Workers at 9:27 PM CDT

2 Comments »