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August 18th, 2008

Sex Work And Compassion: Panty Tree

Elephant Hug

Panty Tree had been planning our session for months. (For the origin of his nickname read this blog post.) Twice he had set a date, made travel arrangements and canceled at the last minute. After the second time I assumed we’d never meet. The session talk was just a fantasy, one we’d relieve hundreds of time on the phone but never in reality. This was fine by me-many of my callers having been doing this routine for years.

When PT asked if we could schedule a third time I told him he’d have to make a deposit. He suggested prepaying for the entire session. He also wanted a second mistress for the session and suggested prepaying her as well. I agreed.

Over the several months Panty Tree paid me and the second mistress (a friend I’ll nickname Second Mistress and laugh at my silliness) in little bits of cash. During our phone calls he’d plan out the sessions endlessly. Every detail was examined and re-examined. Repeatedly he’d tell me of his excitement and nervousness.

The slow but steady prepayment and his endless rehashing gave the upcoming session a heavy sense of foreboding. Could one session live up to PT’s panty obsessions? From our phone conversations I sensed he was placing a huge amount of importance on our meeting.

The day of our session came and still I was doubtful we’d meet. I had my session bag in the car just in case but otherwise went about my day as normal. SM and I hung out together and procrastinated about putting on make-up and doing our hair. An hour before the designated time PT called. He was in town and had checked into his hotel. Game on!

SM and I got dressed, put on make-up and did our hair in a local coffee shop. We had two outfits which is typical for this type of arrangement. When meeting a client at his hotel I dress in my “librarian garb” to get past hotel staff without raising eyebrows. (Librarian garb consists of flattering but not revealing blouse, long flowing skirt, wedge heels and normal make-up. My goal is to look cute but not memorable.)

Panty Tree opened his hotel door let us in. He instantly reminded me of an ex-boyfriend’s father. Imagine a Baptist preacher but make him incredibly shy and you have PT.

PT brought a large portion of his panty collection. His used panty collection. His used panty collection that were quite stained. I’m very anal retentive when it comes to sessions. Though I only do domination I sanitize every toy I use afterwards. If I spank a client over my knee I make sure to wash my legs after he walks out the door. I border on being a hypochondriac at times and seeing PT’s pile of used panties squicked me out.

Panty Tree lived up to his nickname. Picking up a pair from his collection he looked at me. “I’ve never done this in front of a person before” he said while he hands shook. I assured him it was alright. SM and I watched in silence as he draped the panties over his body. By tying the elastic bands together he made a sort of pantie cocoon around his body.

He kept saying how nervous and excited he was to be showing off. He was shaking the whole time. After his panty cocoon was complete he turned to face me. “How do I look Mistress” he asked. There were tears in his eyes that he tried to nonchalantly wipe away.

In reality he looked gross. A hunched old man who didn’t take care of his skin draped in old stained panties is what he really looked like. But I wasn’t there to tell him the truth. I was there to show compassion. As I sized him up I thought to myself “I will never feel shame for being a sex worker.” To Panty Tree I put on my flirtatious smile and told him he looked like a sexy slut.

Seeing Panty Tree’s vulnerability made me realize the value of my work. I was there to fulfill his fantasy yes. But I was also there to validate him as a person and to validate his desires.

Despite the fetish theme the session felt more like therapy than domination. Over and over PT would ask if it was ok to have a panty fetish. I assured him it was alright. “Am I a bad person for liking panties?” PT asked repeatedly. I told him he was a good person. If he hadn’t been covered in dirty panties I would have hugged him.

I’ve talked to PT several times since this session. Each time he thanks me profusely. I like it when clients say thank you; it’s a nice touch. No one has ever thanked me as many times as Panty Tree has. Originally I was concerned SM and I couldn’t live up to his expectations. But PT has made it very clear that we fulfilled him more than he thought possible. After telling my friend Sera about the session she commented “Wow. You made his life.”

I was struck by how much compassion was in this session. PT needed acceptance and assurance that it was ok to have a dirty panty fetish. He needed to show off in front of someone who was understanding and caring. This session inspired my new series Sex Work And Compassion.

Most of the time my work is just that-work. We talk, I fulfill a fantasy and if I’m lucky I get some good blog material. That’s fine because it’s the nature of the work. But there are a handful of clients that go beyond the normal routine. I’ve done sessions where the clients were so vulnerable. Their need for compassion has come in many forms-talking, pleading, crying, confessing. These are the calls that are about more than just getting off. They feel more like a therapy session than phone sex. Clients work through sexual issues, sexual guilt, sexual abuse, relationship problems, midlife crises and more.

These are the clients that show me the importance of sex work. All to often I read media stories that portray us as little better than trash. We are accused of being immoral, abused, neglected, drug addicted, worthless sex workers. We are not worthless. We are a vital part of society. There are those that need our help and need the kind of therapy that only a sex worker can provide. Sessions like Panty Tree’s prove to me that our work is immensely valuable. This series will explore the compassion I’ve found in my work.

Posted by Vixen in PSO Confessions, Sex Workers

This entry was posted on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at 11:49 pm and is filed under PSO Confessions, Sex Workers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

11 Responses to “Sex Work And Compassion: Panty Tree”

  1. Sera says:

    This is an awesome post–one of your best, if not your best. I love what you say here, and your final paragraph I’ve reread and reread. You express what so many of us–and so few outside of us–know, and you express it beautifully.

    Can’t wait to see you next month!


  2. havingmycake says:

    Im not sure I really had a perception of sex workers as such… other than that portrayed in films in terms of streetwalkers or call girls where the stereotypes are so cliched. This has certainly made me sit up and think. Excellent post x


  3. Inara de Luna says:

    Ah, you’ve captured the element of your work that hearkens back to the prostitute priestesses of ancient Sumeria, Babylon, and Canaan. The Goddess Ishtar/Inanna once said, “A prostitute compassionate am I.” This post beautifully describes how you embody the Goddess for your clients (regardless of your or their beliefs in such). Thank you so much for sharing this with us and I thoroughly look forward to reading more in this series. I invite you to review my sites regarding the sacred prostitute (”Qadishtu”) and sacred sexuality. Thanks again!

    Inara
    http://qadishtublog.blogspot.com


  4. gillette says:

    Exactly. Well done!

  5. LiaStarLight says:

    At our deepest core, we all need acceptance. I’m glad that PT had you to offer it to him.

    Lovely post.

  6. Vixen says:

    Thank you everyone. This session made an impact on me and I’m glad that came through in my post.

  7. Molly Ren says:

    I read this article months ago, and it’s stuck with me. I sometimes remember it when I feel like being short with people–guess it’s now my own version of imagineing people in their underware. :P

  8. Kelly Brown says:

    The article is very good. Write please more.

  9. Vixen says:

    MR-Thanks. It’s cool that it still stays with you.

    KB-Thank you.

  10. Absinthene says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience, Vixen. Your conclusion about compassion and the importance of sex work really makes sense. I think that humankind is generally very oppressed when it comes to sex, which is strange and sad, really, because sex is a natural human drive and need. Please keep writing and sharing. Thanks again.

  11. Essin' Em says:

    I just read this (I’m on painkillers for my surgery, and am planning on spending a lot more time as a PSO after my move, so I figured I’d read back on through your blog to get another person’s experience).

    And I cried.

    What a wonderful person you are, and what a wonderful way of looking at the therapeutic side of sex work. I’ve had calls where I spent so much time reassuring men it was ok to be bi, or a cross dresser or ____, and sometimes it gets annoying after the 100th reassurance…but this made me pause, and realize I should temper that with compassion.

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