Comments on: Sex Work and Compassion: Self Hating Client https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/ Peace. Porn. Politics. Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:34:24 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5 by: Adele Haze https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127559 Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:22:40 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127559 Poor guy... The most heart-breaking part of it is that if he could gather up enough confidence to join some BDSM communities online, he'd find himself among people for whom his fantasy is a legitimate, healthy and fun part of the lifestyle. Just a couple of weeks ago I was on a girls' night out with some friends, and we were discussing how hot "forced bi" scenarios were, and where could we get our mitts on some nice guys to play out something like that. I don't know how you can resist the temptation to psychoanalyse them, frankly. Poor guy… The most heart-breaking part of it is that if he could gather up enough confidence to join some BDSM communities online, he’d find himself among people for whom his fantasy is a legitimate, healthy and fun part of the lifestyle.

Just a couple of weeks ago I was on a girls’ night out with some friends, and we were discussing how hot “forced bi” scenarios were, and where could we get our mitts on some nice guys to play out something like that.

I don’t know how you can resist the temptation to psychoanalyse them, frankly.

]]> by: S. https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127564 Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:58:43 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127564 Their self-hatred might subconsciously be part of their fantasy and kink. It can become part of a cycle - self-hatred leads to resolution not to engage in it again, which leads to temptation, which leads to the bliss of finally giving in, which leads to self-hatred, and so it goes. Their self-hatred might subconsciously be part of their fantasy and kink. It can become part of a cycle - self-hatred leads to resolution not to engage in it again, which leads to temptation, which leads to the bliss of finally giving in, which leads to self-hatred, and so it goes.

]]> by: asrai https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127651 Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:32:05 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127651 Most people haven't grown up in a sex positive environment. Nor have they, as an adult, learned to adopt a sex positive mindset. They are sure they are the only person in the world who has their personal kink and they will be completly frowned upon by every "normal" person they know should anyone gain knowledge of what secretly turns them on. It's an uphill battle trying to acknowledge that even just fantasizing about a kink is okay, let alone telling another person. Most people haven’t grown up in a sex positive environment. Nor have they, as an adult, learned to adopt a sex positive mindset. They are sure they are the only person in the world who has their personal kink and they will be completly frowned upon by every “normal” person they know should anyone gain knowledge of what secretly turns them on.
It’s an uphill battle trying to acknowledge that even just fantasizing about a kink is okay, let alone telling another person.

]]> by: Lady Sascha https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127678 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 07:24:36 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127678 Exactly! Your posts so often strike a chord in me... I think we must have the same callers, or at least the same type. For example, take crossdressers - so many of my callers have "purged" their wardrobes out of self-hatred, only to turn around and restock them when they can't resist the temptation. I think asrai is right - just like women struggling with body image and self-esteem, men have their own dragons to slay when they go against the society's preconceived ideas of what is normal. Exactly! Your posts so often strike a chord in me… I think we must have the same callers, or at least the same type. For example, take crossdressers - so many of my callers have “purged” their wardrobes out of self-hatred, only to turn around and restock them when they can’t resist the temptation.
I think asrai is right - just like women struggling with body image and self-esteem, men have their own dragons to slay when they go against the society’s preconceived ideas of what is normal.

]]> by: Natty https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127771 Fri, 26 Sep 2008 23:26:18 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127771 What a shame. There are so many guys with his fantasies too. And having the fantasy doesn't mean you actually want to be fucked by another guy in real life. The fantasy can work very well as fantasy alone. Interesting point going on here in the comments demonstrating how both women and men suffer from Patriarchy, if in different ways. So many submissive guys I know feel terrified of expressing their sexuality, in a way that I don't see so much with women anymore (whether dominant or submissive). And if homo-eroticism comes into play, the terror hits Xanax levels. What a shame. There are so many guys with his fantasies too. And having the fantasy doesn’t mean you actually want to be fucked by another guy in real life. The fantasy can work very well as fantasy alone.

Interesting point going on here in the comments demonstrating how both women and men suffer from Patriarchy, if in different ways. So many submissive guys I know feel terrified of expressing their sexuality, in a way that I don’t see so much with women anymore (whether dominant or submissive). And if homo-eroticism comes into play, the terror hits Xanax levels.

]]> by: Pagankinktress https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127850 Sun, 28 Sep 2008 23:16:35 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127850 While it could very well be that part of this client's fetish is embedded in self-debasement, it does sound like he genuinely is conflicted. I agree that we shouldn't hate our fantasies. There is a lot we can learn about ourselves from the things that turn us on...no matter how "perverted" or "wrong" we might think we are. Sadly, ours is a society that literally fetishizes morality. There is a need to place people into categories and decipher who is good, bad, deviant, and normal. Thing is, *who* decides what "normal" is? That's where I often have an issue. I've meaning to comment in your blog for a while now...I poke around here occasionally and I love what you have going on here! While it could very well be that part of this client’s fetish is embedded in self-debasement, it does sound like he genuinely is conflicted.

I agree that we shouldn’t hate our fantasies. There is a lot we can learn about ourselves from the things that turn us on…no matter how “perverted” or “wrong” we might think we are. Sadly, ours is a society that literally fetishizes morality. There is a need to place people into categories and decipher who is good, bad, deviant, and normal. Thing is, *who* decides what “normal” is? That’s where I often have an issue.

I’ve meaning to comment in your blog for a while now…I poke around here occasionally and I love what you have going on here!

]]> by: Vixen https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127880 Mon, 29 Sep 2008 00:52:35 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127880 Thanks everyone! Not only am I glad everyone liked the post I'm also excited about the dialog it started. Thanks everyone! Not only am I glad everyone liked the post I’m also excited about the dialog it started.

]]> by: Lady Johanna https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127975 Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:37:35 -0500 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-127975 Women have gotten a break from the double standard in the past couple decades as men discovered that dating "sluts" meant better sex. Men haven't gotten nearly as much a break from judgmental women yet. I blogged about this here: http://www.sadisticdomme.com/fetish-discussion/88-is-calling-a-phone-dominant-or-seeing-a-pro-domme-cheating The tricky bit in being supportive of people's kinks is that sometimes feeling "bad" about the perversion is part of the kink. If a guy's entire kink is being such a "loser" that he spends so much money on phone sex, there's no room to be supportive in there except to say "loser" until he cums. I'm personally rather conflicted about these types of calls as while I enjoy consensual humiliation, I don't like anyone thinking that's what I *really* think of them. Women have gotten a break from the double standard in the past couple decades as men discovered that dating “sluts” meant better sex.

Men haven’t gotten nearly as much a break from judgmental women yet. I blogged about this here:
http://www.sadisticdomme.com/fetish-discussion/88-is-calling-a-phone-dominant-or-seeing-a-pro-domme-cheating

The tricky bit in being supportive of people’s kinks is that sometimes feeling “bad” about the perversion is part of the kink.

If a guy’s entire kink is being such a “loser” that he spends so much money on phone sex, there’s no room to be supportive in there except to say “loser” until he cums.

I’m personally rather conflicted about these types of calls as while I enjoy consensual humiliation, I don’t like anyone thinking that’s what I *really* think of them.

]]> by: Vixen https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-130035 Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:28:50 -0600 https://radicalvixen.com/blog/2008/09/22/sex-work-and-compassion-self-hating-client/#comment-130035 LJ-That's the trick isn't it? How to tell if a client is really hating himself or just getting off on the idea of hating himself? With some clients I think I'll never know. LJ-That’s the trick isn’t it? How to tell if a client is really hating himself or just getting off on the idea of hating himself? With some clients I think I’ll never know.

]]>