The Butcher, The Baker,The Candlestick Maker
An Erotic Memoir by Suzanne Portnoy
Suzanne Portnoy and I were first introduced through the Sugasm. When she sent me her book’s press release I emailed back asking questions. She graciously offered me a copy to review. In The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker she chronicles her sexual adventures. A recently divorced woman with a reawakened sexuality, Suzanne is determined to try many lovers of different ages and backgrounds.
From the book’s press release:
“Suzanne says: ‘My mother always said: ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get,’ and it was with this thought in mind I embarked on a series of casual one-on-one encounters, the sole purpose being to have a good time. No commitment, no ‘I’ll phone you later,’ no expectation of any further contact - unless I wanted there to be’. So began her crusade to find the perfect weekend partner.”
I really thought I would like this book. An independent woman, with a refreshing liberal attitude about sex, chronicles her sexual affairs in London. I’ve always been the monogamous type and was curious to read how the sexually promiscuous live. I also wondered if Brits sex lives and attitudes were similar or vastly different than Americans.
Reading the book I had a reoccurring feeling something was missing. This nagging thought stayed with me chapter after chapter. I discussed the book with an editor friend and she revealed the reason: there is no reflection. It instantly clicked. While there are a few self realizations, Suzanne doesn’t reflect upon her experiences, doesn’t ponder their meaning or emotional impact on her life. Surely the passage of time has given her plenty of insight and meaning but she doesn’t share them with her readers. I wish she had.
Since she has so much sex she has her share of disappointments. In the first chapter she recounts the story of a quickie fuck that was a lust killer. Her lover is one she’s rejected in the past because of his creepy behavior but finding no other potential mates she decides to indulge him. During the sex she becomes bored and entertains herself by thinking of a vegetable curry recipe. She writes
“I wonder if he knows he hit the jackpot with me, someone patient and willing to indulge him. Most girls would have gone home half an hour ago to prepare that curry. I’m not hating it or loving it. I’m just bored.”
It’s wonderful that she’s so caring about her lover and strives to please him even though she’s bored. But a lot of her experiences in the book are similar; she works to fulfill her date and ends up being sexually disappointed. I found myself wondering if some of these affairs were harmful to her emotions or self-esteem. But Suzanne stays positive and that is admirable. After a bad date she never gives up, determined to move on to the next lover for fulfillment.
This book is full of sex, make no mistake about that. If you want a recounting of affair after affair this book won’t disappoint. I didn’t count how many men she slept with but rest assured there are many. I’ve read that some consider this book controversial. Sadly, there are still people out there who consider a woman who enjoys sex and looks for pleasing lovers to be a controversy. I don’t and nothing in this book shocked me.
I applaud Suzanne for being so sexually liberated. It’s refreshing to hear a woman be so guilt free about her sex life. I hope she continues having fun. But if she writes a follow up to The Baker I hope that she reflects more about her affairs. While it’s enjoyable to read about the different ways people fuck I want to learn more about the author in the process.
Posted by Vixen as Reviews at 6:50 PM CST
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It’s a been a little while since I had a male Sexy Sensations. This retro spanking picture courtesy of Retro Raunch.
Posted by Vixen as Sexy Sensations at 6:27 PM CST
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From the Detroit Free Press:
Adultery could mean life, court finds
In a ruling sure to make philandering spouses squirm, Michigan’s second-highest court says that anyone involved in an extramarital fling can be prosecuted for first-degree criminal sexual conduct, a felony punishable by up to life in prison.
“We cannot help but question whether the Legislature actually intended the result we reach here today,” Judge William Murphy wrote in November for a unanimous Court of Appeals panel, “but we are curtailed by the language of the statute from reaching any other conclusion.”
Posted by Vixen as News at 9:36 PM CST
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“That beautiful rectum should be worshipped every day.”
-Whiny Boy
waxing romantic about my ass again
Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 11:32 PM CST
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The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #63? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
Slut (http://lafillemariee.blogspot.com)
“I fucked one man at the request of another, in exactly the way asked for. Then I reported what happened to the one who requested it.”
When Clients Look Like Relatives (https://radicalvixen.com/blog)
“I walked out the door, saw a man standing there and almost puked.”
Low Class Stripper? Classism and society’s view of adult entertainment (http://fullfrontalpolitics.com)
“For a lot of women sex work is a last-ditch option, something we all consider in the back of our minds when we’re growing up; we ask ourselves once or twice, if we needed the money, would we strip?”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
Playboy Soldiers (http://sugarbank.com)
Editors’ Choice
Where the Wild Things Are (http://kinkyfarmwife.blogspot.com)
More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm
Sexy lace panties courtesy of How About Now?
Posted by Vixen as Sugasm at 11:22 PM CST
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Via Sugar Bank:
The “Goatse-man”
“Pictures of a man identified as Kirk Johnson contain images similar to hello.jpg . At this point, it is considered very likely that Kirk Johnson is the “Goatse Man.” Johnson is a regular poster to the newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male.anal, among others, and a rather simple analysis confirms this fact; it is unlikely that there is another practitioner of anal stretching with the exact same mole on the upper-left edge of his anus, and both the gap.zip (see below) pictures and Johnson’s pictures show the same type of large yellow buttplug.
Some have speculated that “he” is actually an intersexual who is pulling open his vagina. However, the rest of the images in the series are clearly male. An interview with someone who shows similar elasticity can be found at: http://www.bmezine.com/news/people/A20210/plp56/index.html (Note that this site contains similar photos on the front page.)
Due to the anatomical similarities between the man seen in the original goatse.cx images as well as those on detroithardcore.com and the man seen in the image on bottleguy.com (same mole near the anus, similar scrotal sack and penis, same slim build), it seems likely apparent that “bottleguy” is also identical Kirk Johnson.
Because many frequent Internet users have been tricked into viewing this site, it has become something of an Internet-wide in-joke. As such, hello.jpg and the other images on the site are often subjects of parodies and tributes.”
Just when you think Goatse will fade away it comes back full force. Perhaps Mr. Johnson can get a book deal. Or a calendar, Goatse: 365 Objects Inserted. The possibilities are endless.
There are many Goastse parodies on this tribute page. My favorite though is the First Goatse Flickr Group, a classic in the making.
Posted by Vixen as Musings at 10:42 PM CST
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Sometimes I miss the prevalence of the ’60s hippie culture. Mind you I wasn’t alive then but I miss it nonetheless.
What a short, strange trip: Be-in is 40
SAN FRANCISCO - Their hair, once a symbol of youthful rebellion, is mostly gray. Bodies that writhed with wild abandon when a guru invited them to “Turn on … tune in … drop out” now sport stiff knees and age spots.
“How many of you are on acid right now?” rock critic Joel Selvin asked an audience of former hippies who turned out this past week to mark the 40th anniversary of the Human Be-in, the counterculture event that unofficially launched the Summer of Love. “How many of you are on antacid right now?”
In many ways, the ’60s as we now know the era was born Jan. 14, 1967, when musicians, poets, visionaries, student radicals and wayward youth gathered in Golden Gate Park. It was the unofficial birth of the counterculture movement that defined San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury district, a prelude to the social and political upheaval that followed.
Posted by Vixen as News at 9:26 PM CST
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I have a client who desperately wants to look like a woman but is terrified of dressing up. On our calls I’ve gotten him to relax enough to try on panties and stockings. He’s not ready for them yet but he dreams of wearing heels one day. Because he is scared of dressing he binges and purges. After we talk he throws out any clothing and toys we played with on the call. This leaves him with the unwanted task of buying these items over and over again. He needs much reassurance that it’s “not wrong” for him to buy panties and the like. Because of his nervousness I’m nicknaming him Nervous Nelly for this story.
NN called me one night shortly after his most recent purge. He wanted to be sissified and fucked. With no panties or dildo I wasn’t sure what to do with him. It was late at night and no stores near him were open. Putting me on hold NN went looking through his house and came back with panties. He always insistes he’s single and lives alone but I suspect he has a girlfriend.
This solved only part of the problem. While NN had his panty fix there was no dildo in sight. Telling me he will “go look in the refrigerator” he put me on hold again. After a few minutes he returned and asked “Will a sausage do Mistress?” I’m not sure I heard him correctly and asked him to repeat himself. He had indeed gotten a sausage.
I started to caution him, encouraging him to look in another room for something better. He was convinced the sausage would fit up his ass. My advice of putting a condom on the meat was ignored. Instead NN tells me he’s going to turn on the tv and look for porn.
While he’s flipping channels he asked me to fuck him with the sausage cock as he called it. What the hell I figure. If the sausage is too big it won’t fit. And if it does, can a piece of meat do much damage? I think about sausages I’ve eaten. Sure they’re dense but they’re not rock hard so hopefully this piece of meat won’t tear his anal cavity.
When I ask if he has lube he tells me he has olive oil. Resisting the urge to laugh I tell him the oil will work. NN starts fucking himself with the sausage cock. He grunts while he inserts it but soon he is moaning.
Meanwhile he’s still flipping channels. He must be sitting close to the television because I can hear a jumble of voices. The voices stop changing and I realize he’s settled on a program. NN is still fucking himself with the sausage. Through his groans I hear a voice from the show. It’s a woman’s voice talking about STDs. Why he wants to watch a show on STDs while fucking himself with a piece of meat is behind me. NN seems happy though so I play along. Then suddenly he started panicking. “It’s falling apart Mistress.” I’m told the sausage had broken in half in his ass. NN is nervous enough playing with his ass and this sent him over the edge. “What do I do? What do I do!”
I remain calm. Using my firmest yet caring tone I order him to slow his breathing. I explain that he needs to either pull the sausage out with his fingers or use his anal cavity to push the pieces out. The STD show is still playing in the background. I caught snippets of words and it seemed the show was a documentary or news program. NN told me he would get the sausage out but had to end the call first. I didn’t argue; he was horribly humiliated.
We’ve talked since and neither the sausage or the tv show has been mentioned. Clearly irony is not dead.
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 11:39 PM CST
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I’m sick. If it weren’t for the mute button I wouldn’t be able to do calls at all. And so I say-
Oh Mute Button! How grateful I am to thee. You cover up my nose blowing, my desperate sucking of a cough drop, my very unsexy numerous coughs. What a wonderful invention you are. Praise you with great praise!
In the words of the Dead Milkmen “I’m all messed up on cough syrup right now so like nevermind.”
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 10:43 PM CST
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“From one point of view that’s evil.”
-a client commenting on the effect my voice has on his cock
Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 11:08 PM CST
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