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July 30th, 2005

The Biggest Zucchini

While I was grocery shopping the other day and walked by the vegetable area I was reminded of one of my favorite pso stories. So I thought I’d share it on the blog. This call happened early on in my career. It was my first month so I was still very much wet behind the ears.

A man rang me up and expressed interest in doing a call later that night. He told me he liked going grocery shopping beforehand. He liked to be told what foods to buy so he could fuck his ass with said items during the phone session. He asked what I would like him to buy at the store.

I thought quickly and decided on a vegetable. In my sexiest voice I purred “I want you to buy the biggest zucchini you can find.”

There was dead silence on the other end of the phone. Then a very startled voice said “the biggest zucchini I can find?”

I told him, yes that was indeed what I meant. Then in a timid voice he asked “what if it’s too big? What if I can’t fit it in?”

This perplexed me. How could a zucchini be too big? In fact I was so thrown off by this response I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Well, if it’s too big you can just peel it down to fit.”

He sounded more confused when he asked if that wouldn’t make the zucchini mushy and impossible to fuck with. By this time I sensed that I had said something wrong but couldn’t figure out what to say to save this conversation. I gave an evasive answer, trying to reassure him the zucchini would be fine.

He then told me in an unconvincing voice that he would follow my instructions and call me later that night. I knew something wasn’t right and wasn’t the least bit surprised when he never called.

But I never could figure out what I did wrong. It slipped from my mind until one day when I was grocery shopping myself. Usually I buy organic fruits and vegetables at the health food store. But I also buy some of my food at a normal grocery store and on this particular visit I was picking up some things in the non-organic vegetable area.

My eyes fell on the zucchini. The HUGE zucchini. The pumped up with chemicals zucchini that are not only unnaturally long but disturbingly thick as well.

In a flash I realized why that man seemed so shocked. When I had told him to buy the biggest zucchini he could find I was imagining the organic zucchini I’m used to seeing at the health food store.

He was obviously thinking about non-organic zucchini, these giant, plump ones I was staring at. No wonder he didn’t call back that night. He probably thought I was trying to split open his ass. To this day I’ve never heard from him again.

This story is one of my most popular pso stories. The biggest zucchini call is the one I usually whip out at parties when people want to know details of what I do and it always gets a chorus of laughter. That poorly confused man called me over three years ago and the memory still makes me laugh when I think about it.

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 11:20 PM CDT

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July 27th, 2005

Return of the Sniffler

Doxie of the Phone Slut Blog writes about the occasional loss of a Grade A John. It’s weird when this happens. I’ll have a great phone relationship with a client, he’ll call regularly and then -POOF- he’s gone.

This recently happened with the Sniffler. We were going strong-I’d hear from him usually once every two weeks. Then he was just gone.

Sniffler is a good caller. (Although the jury’s out on why he chronically sniffs and snorts so much but no matter…) His fantasy is always the same. He likes to be fucked like a sexy whore. Most of the details are identical from call to call.

While I like calls that challenge me and calls that have variety, there is something comforting in clients like the Sniffler. I can relax on these type of fantasies-they’re easy and there’s no stress involved. Though they’re repetitive, repeat business is made up of callers like these.

One day I realized I hadn’t heard from the Sniffler in awhile. I checked my notes. It had been almost a month since he called. The two month mark was nearing and I was about to give up hope. The reasons of his absence were all speculation-did he get a girlfriend, move across the country, max out his credit cards or worse get in some kind of accident? I could only guess-I couldn’t very well call him up and demand to know where he’d been.

Then out of the blue he called me. He acted like we had just talked last week. I followed his lead and didn’t ask where he’d been. With some callers we share details about our lives. Not so with the Sniffler-I ask how he’s doing, he always says fine and heads straight to the fantasy.

Even though I didn’t know where he had gotten off to, it was good to have him back. I sat back in my chair and settled down for a relaxing call about fucking a horny slut.

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 2:16 PM CDT

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July 26th, 2005

Drunken Spouses

“I can’t make it thru this marriage sober.”
-Cum Guzzler lamenting his marital state

Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 3:27 AM CDT

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July 24th, 2005

Wifey’s Dildo On Loan

My Fabulous Foot Slut called last night. His family was going out to a movie so he faked being tired to stay home and call me. Since I’m a naturally curious person, I had to fight the urge to ask what movie they were seeing. While I sometimes manage to ask questions about wifey, most men get squeamish if I ask about their families.

FFS had dressed up special for me. He was wearing his wife’s lingerie and her heels. We played some, he jerked off in her panties and he used her vibrating dildo.

He’s been using his wife’s vibrating dildo for awhile now. This was originally his idea. It rather disturbs me that he’s taking her dildo and shoving it up his ass. I periodically remind him to wash it thoroughly before putting it back. But still…it grosses me out just the same. Can’t he just buy his own?

I’ve tried getting him to buy one for himself but he flat out refuses. He’s worried wifey will find his toys and his secret will be exposed. Maybe he’s right. He told me she was grossed out at his foot fetish so the idea of sticking something up his ass would probably freak her out even more.

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 2:29 PM CDT


July 20th, 2005

The Great Vagina

“I envy you. You have a vagina. That’s a great thing.”
-new caller expounding on his urge to get fucked like a woman

Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 1:01 PM CDT

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July 3rd, 2005

Vegan Condoms

While I’m no longer a vegetarian I do eat organically. Living organic involves food, clothing…and now sex supplies! The Veg Sex Shop sells all sorts of vegan and natural organic sex gear. I’m impressed how they combine their vegan and sex activism. Their site really opened my eyes about the ingredients that go into sex toys. Who knew they made vegan condoms?

Vegan condoms.

Posted by Vixen as Sex Toys at 10:46 PM CDT

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