Last week I wrote about being dumped by a client. This week it’s time for the other side-dumping a client. I’ve had to dump two clients and both times it was a hard decision.
The first client was a black man who wanted racial humiliation. He was very intelligent and explained thoroughly why racial humiliation turned him on. He wanted me to call him a “nigger” and to tell him why as a black man he was inferior to me. He begged and begged for me to call him the “N word” (he couldn’t say the word himself but wanted me to). I called him it once and while it made him moan, it made my stomach turn.
Even though it was exactly what he wanted I felt horribly guilty. I felt like a bad person and yet it was fulfilling his fantasy. After the call I felt like crying.
He could have been a regular but the emotional stress was too much for me. The next time he called, only a few days later, I apologized and told him I couldn’t do calls with him. I was nice but firm in telling him that I couldn’t handle racial humiliation scenes.
Thankfully, he was very understanding. He told me it was hard to find a Mistress truly comfortable doing his fantasy. It was a friendly split, although he sounded disappointed.
The second breakup was much tougher.
I had a man who called me who was in a very unhappy marriage. The love had long disappeared but they stayed together because of the children.
I could handle his fantasy-light cross dressing, an easy one really. The problem was his attitude. He had a hot/cold personality. At the beginnings of calls he was super sweet. He would declare his love for me or tell me how nice I was to talk to him. Then out of nowhere he’d turn into a super asshole sneering insults at me. Mind you, I’ve been called a bitch, a whore and worse. But his insults seemed tailored to hurt me.
I never could relax with him because I never knew what to expect. I have clients that are hostile the entire call. But they’re consist in their hostility so I can relax in a sense because I know what they’ll be like. This particular man could be in the middle of talking about his kids and then suddenly switch gears to yell at me because I wouldn’t come visit him that weekend. Then he’d go back to talking about his kids.
In hindsight I think he might have been manic depressive. He drank during our calls which made his temper worse. I came to dread his number on caller ID. But calls with him would last several hours which is no small chunk of change.
Talking to him though was affecting my business. After doing a call with him I would be grumpy for hours. My other calls were affected by my mood.
The last straw came last year after the holidays. He was in an especially foul mood and he hurled insult after insult after me. He cooed, screamed, wept and moaned. It’s hard to pin down why it was so hard-but basically it felt like he was taking out all his frustrations, anger and unhappiness out on me.
I was in tears by the end of that phone call. Next day I spoke with one of the ladies in the main office. She was very understanding and gave me pointers on how to end it with him.
He called the next night. Being accusatory wouldn’t have worked-he only would have gone on the offensive and denied being verbally abusive. Instead I was apologetic. I told him I was sorry that I couldn’t give him what he wanted. That it was obvious that I was failing to please him.
Ironically, this was the best call I ever had with the man. It was fun to play the part of the sorry mistress. Doing this caused him to became apologetic about being an asshole and a drunk. I told him again that it was all my fault, I should have been able to please him. This made him apologize even more for being so mean to me. He realized we weren’t going to talk again and wanted another mistress that could give him what he wanted. I happily referred him.
And it was worth it. With him no longer calling I was happier in my work. I didn’t feel as burned out or as stressed anymore. Once again it felt good to hear the phone ring.
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 8:28 PM CST