Skip to main content.
February 28th, 2010

Sex Work And Compassion: Compassion Via Distraction

Elephant Hug
A few years ago a friend of me and Mr. Radical’s died after struggling long with an illness. He was a young man-in his late twenties. His wife was a few years younger and their son was in kindergarden at the time. Our friend was so full of life and love and joy. It was heartbreaking to watch his health and body deteriorate. He was beloved by many and the funeral home was packed with friends and family. His widow honored his spirit-though there were tears at the service there was a lot of laughter too.

Afterward, several of us gathered at a friend’s house. As we drank and reminisced more the reality of his death really hit me. Out of habit I had turned on my phone when we got to the house. I was crying when it rang.

I pulled the phone out of my pocket and hesitated. Should I really be answering today? But then I thought the distraction might be nice. I answered and said hello. It was a regular client who normally talks for a couple of hours.

As soon as I realized an easy regular was on the line I decided to take the call. I left the group and went to our friends guest bedroom. (They knew I was a PSO and I had done calls at their place before.)

His fantasy was easy enough-some light humiliation and then some “forced” cocksucking. The call was exactly what I needed-a distraction. I was so upset by the injustice of the universe. Why did such a good person have to die? I needed a break from my reality.

My regular client provided me that break. I jumped right into his fantasy and gave him a great call. I leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes and tried to envision every detail. My sadness was still there. We talked for two hours and I cried for most of it. But the weight of the grief was lightened with the distraction of the call.

He didn’t realize he was giving me compassion. At the end of the call he was excited. “That was great!” he said before hanging up. It was great. I got a break from my grief by visiting another’s fantasy. It was exactly what I needed.

Since that call I’ve often used calls as distractions. When life gets stressful I can hop on a call and take a break from it all. This works great when I’m PMSing and want to strangle those around me for merely breathing the wrong way. It works best with regulars. If I know the guy’s routine I can relax and get into his fantasy. Often the stress relief will feel so strong that I’ll cry. (This is what I alluded to in my Burn Out post.) I’m an easy crier-a good song or movie will make me tear up. I’ve read the Harry Potter series several times but still cry in certain spots every single time.

It’s like a weird meditation. I’ll be leaning back in my chair, silently crying and talking about golden showers. Take your bliss where you can I figure.

The clients give me compassion merely by distracting me. Invariably these calls get great reviews. Clients will often tell me it was our best call together or that no one has ever captured heir fantasy like I have. I’m not quite sure why this is. Perhaps it’s because I’m so focused. In those moments I ignore my thoughts to create a more detailed fantasy for them. By the time we hang up we both feel better, albeit for very different reasons.

Sex Work And Compassion Series
Sex Work And Compassion: Panty Tree
Sex Work and Compassion: Self Hating Client
Sex Work And Compassion: I Show No Compassion
Sex Work And Compassion: Death In A Client’s Family
Sex Work And Compassion: A Call From Baghdad
Sex Work And Compassion: A Client Shows Me Compassion
Sex Work And Compassion: The Angry Family

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 11:39 PM CST

No Comments »

February 26th, 2010

Sex News Update: Gov. Sanford’s Divorce

Sanford Divorce

From the Washington Post:
Judge says she’ll approve SC gov’s divorce
“South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s divorce will become final next month, just over a year after the first lady discovered his affair with an Argentine woman he later called his soul mate.


Sanford, 49, is the first sitting governor to divorce in South Carolina, which in 1949 became the last state in the country to allow it. It’s not unheard of for a governor to get divorced in office. New York first lady Mary “Tod” Rockefeller divorced Gov. Nelson Rockefeller in 1962 over his affair with a staff member, and Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons is in the process of divorcing first lady Dawn Gibbons.


His office also noted “first lady” is not an official role and said the state would no longer provide Jenny Sanford with a staff assistant.”

I’m a tad surprise they’re getting divorced. You’d think Sanford would have arranged some sort of “deal” with his wife. Like she gets to live in a seperate house with a hefty allowance in exchange for her playing the loving wife at photo ops.

Posted by Vixen as News at 10:30 PM CST


February 25th, 2010

A Poignant Quote

“We all bleed the same. We all cry the same. We should all be treated the same.”
-family member of a murdered sex worker
spoken at the IDTEVASW event I attended last year

Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 10:30 PM CST


February 24th, 2010

More Contest Prizes

I have more gifts for my upcoming blog anniversary contest.

First up is the Icicles Sapphire Spiral Dildo, reviewed here.

Icicles Sapphire Spiral Dildo

Next up is The Ethical Slut book, reviewed here.

The Ethical Slut book

Here’ another prize-Kama Sutra In A Box, reviewed here.

Modern Kama Sutra book

You could also win Two Is Enough, reviewed here.

Two Is Enough book

And there’s more prizes to come!

Posted by Vixen as Musings at 8:18 PM CST


February 22nd, 2010

Windy Pose

Barely Evil model windy

From this gallery. I like that Barely Evil puts in the outtakes. They’re cute.

Posted by Vixen as Sexy Sensations at 7:28 PM CST

No Comments »

February 21st, 2010

Sex News Round Up

Sex News Roundup

From Boing Boing:
Film star claims Heathrow security guards printed and circulated naked pictures from body-scanners
“Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan claims that when he went through Heathrow, security staff printed out the naked image of his body from the full-body scanners (scanners that the authorities have claimed won’t ever be used to generate printouts) and circulated them among the staff


‘Then I saw these girls - they had these printouts. I looked at them. I thought they were some forms you had to fill. I said ‘give them to me’ - and you could see everything inside. So I autographed them for them.’”

Now weren’t we told this sort of thing wouldn’t happen?!?

I found this on a childfree forum:
Endangered Species Condoms
“Through a network of more than 3,000 volunteers, the Center for Biological Diversity is distributing 100,000 free Endangered Species Condoms in all 50 states to highlight how unsustainable human population growth is driving species extinct at a cataclysmic rate.

At 6.8 billion people, the human race is not only the most populous large mammal on Earth but the most populous large mammal that has ever existed. Providing for the needs and wants of this many people — especially those in high-consumption, first-world nations — has pushed homo sapiens to absorb 50 percent of the planet’s freshwater and develop 50 percent of its landmass. As a result, other species are running out of places to live.

To help people understand the impact of overpopulation on other species, and to give them a chance to take action in their own life, the Center is distributing free packets of Endangered Species Condoms depicting six separate species: the polar bear, snail darter, spotted owl, American burying beetle, jaguar, and coquí guajón rock frog.”

I absolutely love these condoms! One of the many reasons I’m childfree is because I believe the world is overpopulated. We’re breeding ourselves into extinction.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:
Pornography bookstore has $30 sex ‘party room’
“A Melrose Park pornography bookstore — run with the help of a former crooked cop with ties to the mob — offers a party room in the back where couples and singles have multiple sex partners as part of organized, late-night sessions.

It costs $30 or more per person to get in to the party room at 15th Avenue Adult Books, run for months out of a nondescript building in an industrial area.

Guests can linger at chairs and tables or get up on a stage and partake in the activities, according to people familiar with the business.


Since last year, the Cook County sheriff’s police has sent in undercover officers on several occasions and found nothing illegal happening, a spokesman said.


When asked if he had qualms about a onetime associate of organized crime helping operate a business in his town, Serpico said no, adding, “I can’t control what somebody has done in the past.”

The bookstore “is what it is,” Serpico said. “I can’t regulate morality.”"

Serpico is the mayor of Melrose Park. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if more politicians felt this way?

From Bust Magazine:
A Friend in Need: Abortion Doulas Help Women Through Hard Times
“It’s generally accepted that childbirth is a stressful process. That’s why a woman in labor often opts to have a doula by her side—to nurture her during intense bouts of pain and emotion. But what about when a woman decides to terminate a pregnancy? Nearly three years ago, a small group of reproductive-rights activists came up with the concept of offering doula support for the “entire spectrum of pregnancy”—including abortion—and created The Doula Project to do so.


At this point, the service is very limited. Mitchell explains that it takes some doing to convince abortion clinics to allow an extra person in the room during a private procedure. Still, The Doula Project is working on expanding by installing doulas in two clinics in New York City, starting an affi liate group in Atlanta, GA, and putting together a doula training kit in the hopes that the idea continues to spread. More information can be found at”

A friend of mine who had an abortion once told me that she wished she had a companion with her during the procedure. A good friend went with her but had to wait in the reception room.

From Feministing:
Quick Hit Update: “Kill Your Hooker” Facebook group changes name to avoid deletion
“As an update to yesterday’s What We Missed that called attention to the horrendous Facebook group, “Kill Your Hooker So You Don’t Have to Pay Her”, one of our readers alerted us to this: Apparently, everyone’s speedy organizing has resulted in the group changing their name (and link) to make it seem as if the group doesn’t exist anymore. But oh, does it still.”

This is some fucked up shit. There’s a lot of updated links on this post. If you’re on Facebook you can check this horrible group out.

Let’s end on a high note shall we?

From the New York Times:
Transsexualism No Longer Viewed as Mental Illness in France
“France has removed transsexualism from an official list of mental illnesses, according to an order issued by the French Ministry of Health reported Friday by French news media. The order issued Wednesday removed “gender identity disorders” from an article of the social security code related to “long-term psychiatric diseases.” According to media reports, France is the first country in the world to do so.”

This is excellent news! I hope more countries take France’s lead and do the same.

Posted by Vixen as News at 10:25 PM CST

No Comments »

February 20th, 2010

Vixen Invites: Mystress Lady Evyl

Parchment II

I know Mystress Lady Evyl through my days as Sugasm editor. Her posts were kinky and often spiced things up. Her Vixen Invites post continues the theme. As an activist I’ve seen police officers do some pretty shitty things. Not all cops are bad obviously but still my experiences have nixed any eroticism over them. Her piece does what I don’t-makes playing cops and robbers sexy. The Sugasm may be dead but I’m glad to see MLE still shaking things up, including my own perceptions.

Playing Cops and Robbers - by Mystress Lady Evyl

In a quiet booth on a quiet Sunday night we are half way though eating our dinner at a local restaurant. I have travelled a long way to be here to give one of my workshops and this man I am sharing a meal with was chosen as a possible good match to play with and serve me while I was touring the local dungeon party circuit. They were right, we were a good match.

Sunday is my last day here and I am spending it alone with him. It’s been a great day so far playing tourist. Before dinner this man asks if we can stop by his place so he shower before dinner, he has not been home since Saturday lunchtime. Once at his home I get the grand tour. It’s a nice house, big, sparse in furniture and clean. The most exciting thing for me actually is a closet in the basement. That is where his police uniforms are stored, real ones. He is not full time but he is on the force. I make a mental note.

As the waiter walks away from our table I say to him “I want you to fulfill one of my fantasies tonight”. He looks up at me quizzically and is very attentive. We had already discussed my little fetish for play fighting and wrestling over the weekend. I say “I want you to put on your cop uniform and we will wrestle with you in it”. He was not expecting that. His eyes grew wide open and he hesitated for a moment. But he agreed willingly once the hesitation passed.

Dinner is finished lasciviously and we make our way back to his place. We chat for a bit and then he excuses himself and goes to the basement. He is gone for some time and I know he is changing. I call out to him after a while to see if all is OK and he answers he is in the bathroom. Yeah, sure! I make way up to the top floor where the bedrooms are. I choose my hiding place behind the door of the guest bedroom. If he is playing the cop well I am going to be the criminal in pursuit. I hear him coming up the stairs. I watch him appear through the crack between the door frame and door. My heart sinks and I melt, he is gorgeous and confident all dressed up in his uniform. He first heads in the opposite direction than the room I am in. Moments later he is back in the hallway with a look on his face that says ‘where is she’. Eventually he comes in the room I am hiding in. His back is to me, he is 2 feet away. I am frozen and hesitant; I just want to watch him. But I wake from my reverie and I attack him from behind.

Now why do I have a wrestling fetish? I do not know. I have never been in a fight and I don’t have siblings. I just know it is exciting and I am pretty smart in trying to find a way out in general. Just before we hit the bed I notice he already has a pair of handcuffs in his hand ready to ‘take me’. Sneaky bastard, I’ll give him a fight. Now of course had I been a real criminal I would have been in handcuffs in no time. He is letting me struggle a bit. But after a while I am on my back and my left arm is twisted behind my back and it HURTS. “Hold it, time out. No pain” I say. He answers “I’ll never get the cuffs on you then without a bit of pain if fighting, that would be normal procedure for an arrest”. “Too bad” I say, “I am the Mistress and I do not do pain, you’ll just have to wrestle longer”. He lets go of my arm and its back to fighting. Since the beginning he has me pinned down in no time but every time he tries to let go one of his hands to try and cuff me that is when I get sneaky and try to escape. I can actually see him getting a little frustrated as to how he should deal with this problem. But we are also giggling and are having so much fun.

Next thing we are falling off the bed and land on the opposite side of the room. This feels like a movie scene a bit and I love every moment of it. We have been struggling a good 10 minutes now. I feel out of breath and I can see the beads of sweat falling off his forehead onto me. Suddenly I feel a route of escape and try to crawl away but before I make my getaway he grabs my ankle. The thing is my pants are loose and I am not wearing a belt so as I keep struggling I actually slip half way out of my pants. He is back on top but I keep fighting…so much so I realize later I have made a mess of his wall with pant marks. I am getting tired and eventually give in just enough for him to get the cuffs on me. The criminal has been caught and is laying face down on the floor with pants around the ankles now. I am helped to my knees and we are both exhausted after a good 15-20 min of wrestling. I feel completely exhilarated and loved every minute of it.

Now he takes out a plasticized paper and proceeds to read me my rights and informs me I have been arrested. His face relaxes and he looks at me with a coy smile “Now it would be a shame for a lovely young lady like you to have a criminal record. If you promise to behave I’ll take those cuffs off and we can maybe come up with an arrangement to wipe you record clean”. OMG I love this guy, he is so creative, playing his role to the very end. I agree to behave and the handcuffs are removed. The role play scene is over. We catch our breath on the bed and are laughing. I ask him if it’s the first time he does this with his uniform on, certain I am not the first to ask. He tells me indeed some have asked in the past but this is the first time he has ever agreed to it because he trusts me. I actually accidentally ripped off a minor accessory of his uniform during the struggle. He picks it up and offers it to me as a souvenir. Although I do take back the reigns of control, I do ‘clear my record’ and leave without a criminal record ;-)

Since I have been back home whenever that guest room is brought up in our conversations it is referred to as the wrestling room. Every time I see the souvenir I cherish the memory of that night. I can definitely say that is one of my top fantasies now fulfilled. I have checked it off the list.

Vixen Invites Series
Vixen Invites: Sapphire Jay

Posted by Vixen as Vixen Invites at 11:52 PM CST


February 19th, 2010

Aloe Cadabra Gift Basket

Aloe Cadabra Gift Basket for blog contest

Next month is my five year blog anniversary. To celebrate I’ve been gathering lots of goodies for a contest. Here’s one of the items you could win:

Aloe Cadabra has graciously donated a gift basket of their aloe lubricant. These three bottles are Natural Aloe, French Lavender and Tahitian Vanilla. This looks like some sweet lube. The brochure says it’s 95% organic.

Stay tuned for more details on entering and other gifts.

Posted by Vixen as Musings at 10:13 PM CST

No Comments »

February 18th, 2010

Obama Meets With The Dalai Lama

Obama Meets With The Dalai Lama

From CNN:
Obama meets with Dalai Lama despite Chinese objections
“President Obama met with the Dalai Lama — the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader — at the White House on Thursday despite strong objections from Chinese government officials.

The meeting has the potential to further complicate Sino-U.S. tensions, which have been rising in recent months. China has warned it would damage Beijing’s ties to Washington.


During the meeting, Obama stressed his “strong support for the preservation of Tibet’s unique religious, cultural and linguistic identity and the protection of human rights for Tibetans,” according to a White House statement.

I’m glad Obama finally met with the Dalai Lama. Remember, he blew off the meeting off last year so he could meet (ie kiss ass) with Chinese representatives.

The Tibetan people’s fight for independence is an important movement that hasn’t gotten much press of late. You can find out more here.

Posted by Vixen as News at 10:39 PM CST

No Comments »

February 16th, 2010

Context Is Everything

“Do you like sports?”
-new caller

“Do you mean like basketball or watersports?”
he called the week leading up to the Superbowl so I wasn’t sure

“Yeah watersports. I like to dive.”
-new caller

Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 7:58 PM CST


February 15th, 2010

Real Protesters Or Agent Provocateurs?

Real Protesters Or Agent provocateurs?

From Prison Planet:
A Familiar Pattern: “Anarchists” Disrupt Peaceful Protest in Vancouver
“Once again, so-called “anarchists,” clad in black with their faces masked, have engaged in violent protest and property destruction, this time in Vancouver during the 2010 Olympics.

“A loosely organized group of ‘thugs’ from central Canada promoting anarchy were among 200 anti-Olympic protesters who marched through downtown Vancouver Saturday, smashing plate glass windows at Hudson’s Bay and TD bank, overturning newspaper boxes and assaulting bystanders, police say. They used spray paint on cars and transit buses, tore down signs and threw about road construction barricades as they marched down the street,” reports CTV.

Photographs released showed the supposed “anarchists” wearing the same boots as the police arresting them. “Protest organizers on Wednesday played the video for the media at a news conference in Ottawa. One of the organizers, union leader Dave Coles, explained that one reason protesters knew the men’s true identities was because they were wearing the same boots as other police officers,” CBC News reported on August 23, 2007.

“Quebec provincial police admitted Thursday that three of their officers disguised themselves as demonstrators during the protest at the North American leaders summit in Montebello, Que.” The police refused additional comment.”

I believe I was at a protest where agent provocateurs stirred up trouble. Back in the day, Mr. Radical and I went to one of the big anti-war protests in SF against the Iraq War. The protest was peaceful until, just like in Vancouver, some “anarchists” showed up. There were already anarchists in the march. But these late arrivals showed up and immediately started breaking windows and setting American flags on fire. Word on the street was that the violent anarchists were actually police officers there to stir up violence so that a large number of real protesters could be arrested.

Some protesters were arrested. And what image made the news that night? A close up of a burning flag. It certainly seemed like staged provocation to me.

Posted by Vixen as News at 10:41 PM CST

No Comments »

February 14th, 2010

Sexy Stockings

sexy stockings

From this gallery. I need these stockings for my mistress pictures. They’re damn sexy.

Posted by Vixen as Sexy Sensations at 11:52 PM CST


February 13th, 2010

Woman Found Guilty For Burning Stripper

Rianne Theriault-Odom

From Daily News:
Wannabe dancer found guilty of setting fire to woman in bikini bar feud
“A Tarzana woman was found guilty Thursday of dousing an exotic dancer and single mother with gasoline and setting her on fire last year outside the Tarzana bikini bar Babes N’ Beer.

Rianne Theriault-Odom, 28, who had been rejected as a dancer at the club, faces mandatory life sentences for the guilty verdicts of one count each of aggravated mayhem and torture. The Los Angeles Superior Court jury acquitted her of a third count, attempted murder and the lesser charge of attempted voluntary manslaughter.


Busby, a single mother of two from Simi Valley, spent five months in the hospital and underwent 30 operations after the Feb. 5, 2009, attack. The burn and skin-graft scars were still strikingly visible on her legs and face as she sat in the courtroom.


Musante also indicated that prosecutors may now go back and reassess whether to charge Nathaniel Marquis Petrillo, 23, of Reseda.

Authorities originally sought Petrillo along with Theriault-Odom in the attack, and they were arrested together. But prosecutors decided at that time they did not have enough evidence to charge Petrillo.

Petrillo, however, figured prominently during testimony and in surveillance video documenting the attack.”

I blogged about this story here, here and here.

Posted by Vixen as News, Sex Workers at 11:02 PM CST

No Comments »

February 12th, 2010

Corporation Running For Congress

Murray Hill runs for congress

From True Slant:
Corporation running for Congress
“Relying on the Supreme Court’s ruling allowing corporations to be treated as ‘people’ for political donation purposes, a Maryland based corporation, Murray Hill, Inc. is throwing its hat in the ring, seeking to represent Maryland’s 8th District in Congress.

Promising a campaign that “puts people second, or even third”, the company is challenging Democratic Congressman Chris Van Hollen in the district’s Democratic primary.”

The article above includes a YouTube video that I recommend watching.

From Murray Hill’s website:
““Until now,” Murray Hill Inc. said in a statement, “corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.”


The campaign’s designated human, Eric Hensal, will help the corporation conform to antiquated “human only” procedures and sign the necessary voter registration and candidacy paperwork. Hensal is excited by this new opportunity. “We want to get in on the ground floor of the democracy market before the whole store is bought by China.””

This is hilarious. It doesn’t change the Supreme Court’s decision but it makes for excellent social commentary. Short of revolution what other options are really left?

Posted by Vixen as News at 10:36 PM CST

No Comments »

« Previous Entries