When a client dies it brings to light the odd relationship we had. On one hand our relationship was professional. They were a client and I was always Happy Sexy Mistress, eager to fulfill their every sexual fantasy. When the call ended our relationship dissolved in a sense until they called again to renew it.
On the other hand I often develop a sort of friendship with my clients. Yes they’re still paying for the sexy talk but sometimes it feels more personal. We can talk as friends before getting dirty. We can ask about each others lives and want real answers. Several callers tell me about their wives and children. When a much liked client calls me I genuinely smile because I know it will be a fun call.
It’s like we’re in a limbo relationship. Would I fulfill their fantasies for free? No. Would I be sad if some of my favorites stopped calling? Yes, definitely.
With that being said-Did I mourn the deaths of Crazy T and Latex Geezer? Yes and no. Both men lived long lives. Crazy T was able to fulfill many of his fanties, although his extreme torture fantasies stayed in Erectionland. While he got crazier with age I suspect, what I know of his history tells me he had a full life. I didn’t miss him on a personal level. On a professional level I did because he was such a great caller. I still feel a surge of gratitude when I think of CT. He really helped me by calling obsessively when I was in a financial bind and for that I’m thankful.
As for Latex Geezer? Again, it’s yes and no.
Despite our bickering LG was a part of my life. My clients are a part of my life and I a part of theirs. LG’s passing caused me to realize this. Initially this was a somewhat unsettling realization. Just because I hang up the phone doesn’t mean I stop affecting a client. I change their life. The effect is sometimes minuscule, occasionally profound but I guess mostly it lies in between. I give them something; I fulfill something. Clients open up and share a part of themselves with me that they often cannot share with anyone they know.
And my clients affect me as well. My humor is much more crude after doing this job for five years. I don’t live a “normal” life but add sex worker to my list of odd doings and I become even weirder. I have become a better listener and am more empathetic. I can see good in people that normally I would dislike immediately.
Latex Geezer was one of those people. His politics were extremely conservative, he had a streak of racism and bigotry, he was dismissive to people he viewed as beneath his class. He professed to worship women but expressed sexist sentiments. Though he infuriated me on a consistent basis, though we argued almost everytime we met, though he was a rude, demanding man I could see a good side to him. To most people LG was a successful, happy man. He had a loving marriage before his wife passed away, children and grandchildren who loved him and a long, successful career. But that is not the LG I knew.
I knew another side of the man. LG loved crossdressing. While he was honored in his profession I knew he wore panties to work almost every day. All the years of his loving marriage I knew he had pressured his wife to dress him up in panties and stockings; she occasionally indulged him but did so grudingly. It is true he loved his children but I knew he disliked their frequent stays at his home because it left him with no space to spread out his many, many sex toys and clothes.
In some respects his life was one of repression. He had so many desires. By the time he gave himself permission, his age and health had made realization of his fantasies limited. If he had started 10, or even 20, years earlier he could have done so much more.
No one in his personal and professional life mourned that side of him. But did I? Again, I have to say yes and no. I look at it more like reflecting and remembering his life. Since learning of his death I’ve tried to learn lessons from Latex Geezer. Our relationship became so convoluted but LG unwittingly taught me things. I will not repress my desires like he did. I will not deny my dreams. I will live life now instead of putting it off until I am too old and feeble to enjoy it. Is this mourning? Maybe. Perhaps it is the best way to deal with a client’s death. Our relationship is so mixed, so fluid and so hard to define that I expect mourning to be no different.
When A Client Dies Series
When A Client Dies-Part 1
When A Client Dies-Part 2
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 11:42 PM CDT