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December 20th, 2008

Sex Work And Honesty: Being Childfree

Mouth of Truth

Recently I had the following exchange with a client:

“Do you have any kids?”-client
“No I don’t.”-me
“You’re so full of shit.”-client

Ironically he did believe that I fucked myself with a 12″ dildo and then fisted myself while cumming over his gang rape fantasy.

This call prompted me to start a new series on honesty. There’s a lot of little lies I tell my clients. I change my appearance (mostly breast size) to fit the clients tastes. I change my marital status-some guys want me to be married, to be bisexual and have a boyfriend and girlfriend or to be a slut and have lovers in the hundreds. And of course I do the trick all good PSOs do-act like the client’s fantasy is my own. I don’t think of it as lying though. To me I’m playing a character in the client’s fantasy. I change details about myself to fit his desires for my role.

But there are a few things I won’t compromise on. One of them is my childfree status. When clients ask if I have kids I always tell them I’m not having any. I just can’t pretend otherwise. Maybe it’s because I’ve been lectured countless times since I was a little girl that I would have children. This irks me endlessly and is a guaranteed way to make me not like a person. I could just say I don’t have kids. But that implies that I could someday.

It’s almost petty that I have such a knee jerk reaction to this. I can pretend that I want to drink a guy’s piss but I cannot pretend that there’s a possibility that I might breed. I suppose every sex worker has unique limits.

Most clients are cool with my answer. But some, like the one quoted above, can’t get over it. They’ll insist that I’ll change my mind blah blah blah. I find this weird. For most of the call they’ll want me to be their fantasy girl, often doing the most kinky and perverted acts, but at the end they’ll want me to be a nice, wholesome mother of two. I don’t get it.

I’ve even had clients check up on me from time to time. “Still not having kids?” they’ll ask. One client has asked me this question every December and we’ve talked for years. He always gets upset that I’m don’t have a traditional family Christmas.

One of the hardest calls I’ve done is with Breeder Dude. BD loves that I’m in my 30s and childless. He’s convinced my biological clock is ticking and I’m craving sperm. He wants me to beg him to impregnate me. “Tell me how much you want a baby. Tell me you want to get knocked up,” he’ll say.

His calls are always hard. I feel myself cringe as I beg him to become my baby daddy. BD once asked if this fantasy really turned me on. I know he wanted me to say yes. But I couldn’t. However, I didn’t want to criticize him. Though I don’t like his kink he’s certainly free to have it. I told him it wasn’t a huge turn on but that it was very interesting exploring it with him. (A totally lame answer I know!) He replied that he knew that I was desperate for a baby and that he’d knock me up real soon. Every time he calls we talk about how I need to get pregnant. He’s a nice enough client but there’s a part of me that’s glad he only calls once every few months.

A funny tangent to BD-When I was first talking to him I had left my office door open. Mr. Radical heard me begging for a baby and poked his head in. The look of utter WTF on his face was so funny I had to keep muting myself because I couldn’t stop laughing.

Posted by Vixen in PSO Confessions

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 20th, 2008 at 9:57 pm and is filed under PSO Confessions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “Sex Work And Honesty: Being Childfree”

  1. Eliot Bodem says:

    Hey there! I came to this post thanks to the latest Sugasm. I, too, am childfree but I’m not a sexworker. However, I’ve had people insist that I’ll change my mind and it’s quite fucking annoying. I don’t think I’d have the temperance to handle those particular calls. But then I probably wouldn’t divulge my childfree status, though I understand the compulsion to do so. Some people just seem so deeply offended by my decision, as though it somehow affects them. But I don’t dare get offended by their decision to breed multiple times!

    Anyway, sorry to rant, but I’m sure you understand. heh

    Good post.

  2. Lady Johanna says:

    I’ve never understood people who want to argue on this topic.

    IMO, there’s entirely too many people who *do* breed who ought not to. If I were going to argue with someone about whether they should have kids, I’d be more inclined to argue with some of those who *have* decided to.

    If you’re not willing to pretty much dedicate your life to being a parent regardless of what else is going on in your life, to put the child *first* in all decisions, you ought not be having kids.

    Doesn’t mean you might not like other people’s kids, and be a great aunt or uncle, a kewl babysitter, even work in a daycare or be a teacher.

    You don’t have to dislike kids to know you don’t want to do it 24/7 for the next two decades - to make what is really an incredible commitment to a person you can’t even know in advance and may not even like.

    I think those who are aware enough to know they don’t want to do this should be encouraged.

    Frankly, more folks ought to really “count the cost” before they go popping them out just because it’s some “experience you’ll regret not having.” That’s an incredibly stupid and selfish reason to be having a baby.

    I’ve run across the breeder fantasy too, and it just weirds me out. Some guy thought it’d be hot if I used him to impregnate my female submissives. While I’m kewl with whatever anyone fantasizes, I have to admit that one squicks me. IMO, any sub who’d allow such a profound decision to be made in scene like that as part of a fantasy would be inherently unqualified to be a parent.

  3. SerpentLibertine says:

    Yeah, I’m happily childfree and proud of it, but nothing irks me more when clients either ask if I have kids or ask incredulously, “…but don’t you ever want to have kids?” No I don’t. Never have, never will, never wanted to.

    It’s like people can’t believe a woman wouldn’t want to have kids. or worse yet, they can’t believe a woman would be working in the sex industry without having kids to support. Luckily I’ve never run across the breeder fantasy, but I don’t even know if I could play along with that.

  4. Aspasia says:

    @SerpentLibertine: “or worse yet, they can’t believe a woman would be working in the sex industry without having kids to support.”

    Exactly. Only extremely desperate women go into the industry and women w/kids and no way to support them are at their most desperate. On the one hand, I’ve had people say, “oh, you’re so pretty and smart and nice you should have children”. It’s a bit of a backhanded compliment. But the implication is that, “you’re a fool to waste what you have. what is wrong with you?”

  5. Dick and Jane says:

    Good for you. I like how you say “child-free” instead of “child-less”.


  6. Vixen says:

    Thanks everyone for your comments! I’m glad I posted this. Sometimes it feels like I’m one of the few childfree people out there so it’s good to know I’m not alone.

  7. Becca says:

    My sister in law once called me selfish for not wanting kids. That was 20 years ago and I’m still angry. Selfish because there are other ways I contribute/want to continue to contribute to the world besides adding to the world’s population?

    Here are some selfish reasons for having kids:
    1. I want someone to take care of me when I get old.
    2. I want someone to love/to love me…or I want unconditional love.
    3. It would help my marriage.
    4. Oh, they’re so cute, I just have to have one! As if they’re possessions.

    Sound familiar? How many people bear children for those reasons?

    Hmm, I never thought of this: “bear” children is apropos.


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