One of my in person clients is an older gentleman. (I’ll call him OG for this post.) I’ve been seeing him for about a year. He’s still active but he’s definitely feeling his age. Sometimes he has big bruises on his legs or hips from what I judge to be a fall though he never says.
We stick to strap on play for the most part. He sometimes asks for a spanking but even my lightest paddle is too hard. I use my hand and pretend I’m smacking hard. One time he stumbled, fell over and rolled into the hotel table hard. I had a sudden panic-what if he really hurts himself?! Thankfully he was fine.
During our last session he asked for something new. He wanted to sleep with me-not fucking but actual sleep. He was feeling winded and suggested we both lie down. As I stretched out on the bed he started turning off the hotel room lights, leaving only the bathroom light on.
He said I must be feeling tired to so we should both take a nap. I wasn’t feeling tired but followed his lead. When he laid down I started to wonder if he wanted to cuddle. That’s so intimate-was I on board for that? I didn’t think I was. My body must have been tense because OG said “Don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything.”
Then he stretched out on the bed himself. He laid on his back, keeping completely still. I did the same. Soon enough his breathing became slow and rhythmic.
This is the first time I’ve napped with a client. I found it uncomfortable. Obviously I wasn’t going to go to sleep. Sure I could take OG in a fight but sleeping would mean letting my guard down. But laying down on a soft bed, in a mostly dark room while hearing someone sleep next to you certainly sets a sleep vibe.
To stay awake I decided to count. Letting my mind wander was a bad idea-I could see myself falling asleep that way. I counted to 30 then would open my eyes. After it felt like ten or so minutes had gone by I’d look at the clock.
Time went by. OG napped while I counted. I didn’t know how long to let him nap for. I’d shift position but his breath would stay regular. Apparently he was more tired than I realized. We laid on the bed for the last 45 minutes of the session.
It was time for me to go so I got up and started packing. OG heard me moving around and slowly sat up. He asked if I felt refreshed and I cheerfully lied and told him yes. He pulled back the covers and laid back down. He tucked himself in and I was preparing to leave. “I’m just going to nap a bit more,” he said.
I told him to rest up and left. I wonder if nap time will happen again during our session. After I got over my fear of falling asleep fake napping was pretty easy.
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 10:54 PM CDT
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The last article Ms. Magazine sent me to review was When Feminist Art Went Public. From the story:
“Young woman artist, Jazzmin Meins, entered the large room on roller skates, her body wrapped neck-to-knees in medical gauze. As she skated around in front of the audience, she slowly unwrapped the gauze—until she stood before us naked. Then she went into a crouch and laid an egg. Literally.
That was my introduction to performance art at the Woman’s Building in downtown Los Angeles, the first public center in the U.S. devoted to feminist art. It was 1974, a revolutionary time for the “second sex,” and when art met feminism the results were unlike what most of us had seen before: brash, raw,
in your face, stripped-down (performance artists often disrobed, the metaphor of self-revelation inescapable) and all about the brilliant and messy realities of being a woman.”
This was my favorite article of the three. I get nostalgic for the 70s even though I was just a little girl back then. But it’s things like the Feminist Studio Workshop that make me feel this way. How cool would it have been to hang out there-a bunch of female artists hanging out, supporting each other, encouraging each other to push their artwork? The article made it sound like a women’s artist cooperative, or at least that’s how I envisioned it while reading. In my non RV and non sex work life I’m an artist and this story inspired me. There’s several women artists I network with and like the women in the story we support each other. The article makes me want to do more with our small network.
The only downside to the story is the FSW closed down in the 90s. When I was reading it I got all excited-I wanted to visit this place. But then I payed attention and no it’s gone. But there is a retrospective happening that sounds awesome:
“If you missed those early days of feminist art—or if you miss them—you can catch up at “Doin’ It in Public: Feminism and Art at the Woman’s Building,” the retrospective that will fill
the Ben Maltz Gallery at L.A.’s Otis College of Art and Design from Oct. 1, 2011 through Jan. 28, 2012.”
This article is in the current issue of Ms., the Sex, Lies & Hush Money issue. You can subscribe here. More information on the retrospective can be found here.
Posted by Vixen as Activism at 11:14 PM CDT
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“I’d like to thank you for a job well done tonight.”
-semi regular caller
Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 9:50 PM CDT
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From The Star:
Prostitute turned Osgoode law student found dead
“Babcock was, of course, anything but normal: A homeless teenage prostitute who became a prominent activist and then a student at York University’s prestigious Osgoode Hall Law School.
(snip)
She was found dead in her home on Tuesday. She was 32.
A police spokesperson said there were no signs of foul play. Babcock had attempted suicide on several prior occasions, and she struggled with mental health issues even as her difficult life appeared to be improving.”
What an inspiring activist and what a sad, sad ending. Thank you to reader Nanette for sending in this story.
—
From Huffington Post:
Cuba Transgender Wedding: Ignacio Estrada, Wendy Iriepa Wed In Country’s First-Of-Its-Kind Ceremony
“A gay man and a woman whose sex-change operation was paid for by the state tied the knot Saturday in a first-of-its-kind wedding for Cuba, a sign of how much the country’s attitude toward sexuality has changed since gays and transsexuals suffered persecution in the early years after the revolution.
(snip)
Iriepa had sex-change surgery in 2007 as part of a pilot program that began in earnest the following year and made gender-reassignment procedures part of the island’s universal health care system. One other transgender woman married many years ago, but Iriepa is the first to do so under the new policy.”
Can you imagine if the US health care plan paid for people’s sex changes? How progressive would that be? Go Cuba! Thanks to reader M for sending in this tip.
—
From KOB:
Officials report APD officer made inappropriate contact with an escort
“Albuquerque Police Department have just released information concerning a uniformed field services officer with the department and inappropriate contact with an escort in reference to helping her with pending charges on an on-going criminal case.
According to officials, members of the APD Vice Unit conducted an undercover operation on Wednesday where the officer made contact with a decoy escort working with Albuquerque police.
According to a criminal complaint, 15-year APD veteran Matthew Kindle arranged to have a former female APD informant who had moved to Oregon travel back to Albuquerque to see him. Kindle told the her he was going to help her out with charges pending against her.”
I’ve heard stories of police blackmailing escorts in this fashion. This offer’s arrest is certainly interesting in light of the recent prostitution bust in Albuquerque. Thanks to reader T for sending in this tip.
—
This Sex News Roundup was all reader submissions which I always appreciate. If you’d like to send me news links you can email me at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom
Posted by Vixen as News, Sex Workers at 11:34 PM CDT
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Guess what got fully funded?
The Sex Worker Billboard fundraiser-sweet! I’m so excited about this project. I want to see billboards like this all over the US. Hey, a girl can dream right?
Did you donate? You might be eligible for free swag. From SWAAY’s Twitter:
“Free stickers! $100+ from an adult provider? Free trial of Safe Office.”
I was tempted to go with the Safe Office trial but don’t think I’d use it. (I’m curious about it though so if a reader goes for that send me an email review and I’ll post it.) I’m looking forward to posting the stickers!
Posted by Vixen as Activism, Sex Workers at 11:11 PM CDT
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From SF Gate:
Transgender woman settles DMV suit
“A transgender woman who went to the Department of Motor Vehicles in San Francisco to record her sex change - and then got a letter from a DMV clerk saying homosexual acts were “an abomination that leads to hell” - will receive a $55,000 legal settlement, her lawyers said Monday.
Attorneys said Amber Yust’s settlement includes $40,000 from the state and $15,000 from Thomas Demartini, who was suspended with pay by the DMV shortly after the incident and quit his job in December.
(snip)
The department also agreed to work with the Transgender Law Center on staff training, said Kristina Wertz, legal director of the center.”
—
Good for her for following seeking justice. The harassment against her was so unacceptable and just plain creepy. I’m glad to see the SF DMV will work on staff training.
I originally blogged about this story here.
Posted by Vixen as News at 10:13 PM CDT
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From this gallery. I once had blue hair and loved it. Plus those stockings are wicked sexy.
Posted by Vixen as Sexy Sensations at 11:25 PM CDT
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Another preview Ms. Magazine sent me is an article titled “Sex, Lies & Hush Money”. This was a great article! Hmm, I should rephrase that. This was an excellent piece of investigative journalism. The subject matter was not great-crooked politicians, sexual harassment, broken federal laws and several cover ups. The writing was excellent and I was totally pulled into the story.
From the intro:
“This is the story of an illicit sexual relationship between a powerful U.S. senator and his female campaign treasurer, and of the equally powerful male political figures who allegedly helped cover it up. It’s a story where so-called family values and religiosity meet abuse of power. And it’s the story of a handful of no-nonsense women watchdogs who have been trying to bring the culprits to justice.
The man at the center of this story is now-former U.S. Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.), who earned a 100-percent approval rating from the “pro-family” Christian Coalition. He stepped down from Congress on May 3, just a day before he was to give a deposition under oath to the Senate Ethics Committee—which had spent nearly two years investigating his actions. On May 10, the committee issued its stunning report, detailing “substantial credible evidence” that Ensign had violated federal criminal and civil laws, including lying to federal investigators about illegal payments to the woman and her husband.
Still seated in Congress is another major player in the saga, Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.)—another powerful conservative Republican, who has advocated the death penalty for abortion providers. Coburn, whose name is throughout the report, may have played a central role in trying to negotiate a settlement with the woman’s husband (also an employee of Ensign’s)—though Coburn has denied this. And playing a minor but still-telling role in the report is the former Pennsylvania Republican senator and staunch social conservative Rick Santorum, who alerted Ensign to the fact that the whole sordid tale was about to be leaked to the media.”
This article was upsetting but sadly not a surprise. No one’s really surprised that politicians use their power, connections and money to not only break laws but to escape punishment as well. But it’s enraging that this is the norm. How can we change it? By doing what the women featured in this story are doing-slowing chipping away at this norm. Activist work like this is some of the hardest I think-doggedly filing complaints, making the phone calls, getting the word out, jumping through the hoops in the “system” to try to create change. These women deserve recognition for their efforts.
Andy they are certainly an inspiration. So is the reporting-Ms. Magazine takes you through the story and makes an excellent case. By the end I was convinced that the politicians they named were in on the cover up. Excellent writing Ms.!
Posted by Vixen as News at 11:10 PM CDT
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I blogged about the Sex Worker Billboard last month but forgot to pledge myself. D’oh! I remembered today, panicked and was relieved to find I didn’t miss the deadline. I pledged my amount but the goal amount hasn’t been met yet. So far $5,950 has been raised of the $7,300 goal.
It’s getting there but there’s only three days left to go. Can you pledge some cash their way? You can do that here.
Posted by Vixen as Activism, Sex Workers at 10:57 PM CDT
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“Out in the woods is better-it’s more like nature.”
-new client
Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 9:59 AM CDT
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The UK riots-have you been a news junkie like me today? For the last few hours I’ve been reading online and watching videos. Seeing the riot fires in London is somehow surreal and I’m not sure why. I didn’t get that feeling after the Vancouver riots. Maybe it’s the way they’re spreading from city to city like an invisible fuse is slowing burning through the country.
Here’s some of what I’ve been reading:
General news about the riots can be found at the BBC’s Live: UK riots page. Some riot photos can be seen here and also at this Flickr group.
From SkyNews:
Man Shot By Police ‘Did Not Open Fire’
“The victim of a police shooting did not fire at officers before he was killed, according to a report by the Independent Police Complaints Commission.
An IPCC ballistics report said there was “no evidence” that a handgun found near where Mark Duggan was shot by armed officers had been used.
The 29-year-old died after a gunshot to the chest on Thursday. The death sparked the first night of rioting in London in Tottenham.”
And two commentary pieces that make some very good points.
From Penny Red:
Panic on the streets of London.
“Violence is rarely mindless. The politics of a burning building, a smashed-in shop or a young man shot by police may be obscured even to those who lit the rags or fired the gun, but the politics are there. Unquestionably there is far, far more to these riots than the death of Mark Duggan, whose shooting sparked off the unrest on Saturday, when two police cars were set alight after a five-hour vigil at Tottenham police station. A peaceful protest over the death of a man at police hands, in a community where locals have been given every reason to mistrust the forces of law and order, is one sort of political statement. Raiding shops for technology and trainers that cost ten times as much as the benefits you’re no longer entitled to is another. A co-ordinated, viral wave of civil unrest across the poorest boroughs of Britain, with young people coming from across the capital and the country to battle the police, is another.
(snip)
Riots are about power, and they are about catharsis. They are not about poor parenting, or youth services being cut, or any of the other snap explanations that media pundits have been trotting out: structural inequalities, as a friend of mine remarked today, are not solved by a few pool tables. People riot because it makes them feel powerful, even if only for a night. People riot because they have spent their whole lives being told that they are good for nothing, and they realise that together they can do anything – literally, anything at all. People to whom respect has never been shown riot because they feel they have little reason to show respect themselves, and it spreads like fire on a warm summer night. And now people have lost their homes, and the country is tearing itself apart.”
The above blogger wrote her post while there was rioting nearby. I don’t think I could stay calm enough to not only blog but to make excellent social commentary too. Impressive.
And another commentary, this time from the Guardian:
There is a context to London’s riots that can’t be ignored
“Since the coalition came to power just over a year ago, the country has seen multiple student protests, occupations of dozens of universities, several strikes, a half-a-million-strong trade union march and now unrest on the streets of the capital (preceded by clashes with Bristol police in Stokes Croft earlier in the year). Each of these events was sparked by a different cause, yet all take place against a backdrop of brutal cuts and enforced austerity measures. The government knows very well that it is taking a gamble, and that its policies run the risk of sparking mass unrest on a scale we haven’t seen since the early 1980s. With people taking to the streets of Tottenham, Edmonton, Brixton and elsewhere over the past few nights, we could be about to see the government enter a sustained and serious losing streak.
The policies of the past year may have clarified the division between the entitled and the dispossessed in extreme terms, but the context for social unrest cuts much deeper. The fatal shooting of Mark Duggan last Thursday, where it appears, contrary to initial accounts, that only police bullets were fired, is another tragic event in a longer history of the Metropolitan police’s treatment of ordinary Londoners, especially those from black and minority ethnic backgrounds, and the singling out of specific areas and individuals for monitoring, stop and search and daily harassment.”
And of course there’s The Clash song-London’s Burning.
Posted by Vixen as News at 11:30 PM CDT
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Ms. Magazine sent me a few articles to preview for their upcoming issue. I was happy to see they wrote an article on the recent Slut Walks.
From Taking Slut for a Walk:
“And so the SlutWalk was born. Since the first march in April of this year, it has reached 45 U.S. cities and 13 other countries, including Brazil, Mexico, South Africa and, most recently, India.”
I love that the Slut Walk is now up to 14 countries. How cool is that? I’m excited about participating in my first Slut Walk later this year and am already brainstorming what my sign will say. (I love the “Consent matters NOT clothes pictured above.) This new protest has caught on so quickly! It’s so inspiring to see younger feminists and activists joining the cause for sexual freedom.
“While thousands have joined the cause, the SlutWalk movement has also created some controversy in feminist circles because of the word slut.
(snip)
But marchers do believe they can reclaim the term. Said organizers of SlutWalk Seattle in an online statement: “One of the most effective ways to fight hate is to disarm the derogatory terms employed by haters, embracing them and giving them positive connotations.”
As a Pagan I hesitated calling myself a “Pagan” in the past. Like slut, the word pagan has so much stigma and negative propaganda attached to it. In college a lesbian friend decided to identify herself as a dyke to reclaim the word. Others may have still judged the word but her action really inspired me and I decided to start identifying as a Pagan. Previously I had identified as a Wiccan because it was more accepted and less of a shocker religious word. I found a freedom and exhilaration in reclaiming labels. It made me more comfortable with my often uncommon religion and made me a stronger activist.
I support activists and fellow feminists who want to reclaim the word slut. Why should we let anti-sex people shame us for our sexual activities and the way we dress? The more we use the word and shout our solidarity the less it can be used to shame and blame. Yes it may take some time. But over the years when I’ve identified myself as Pagan I’ve noticed less and less shock. Yes I still may have to explain it and debunk some myths but more people have heard of the word and are open to hearing a different definition. It’s my hope that the more slut is used positively and the more slut pride is claimed that one day the positive connotations to the word will outweigh the negatives.
Posted by Vixen as News, Activism at 5:32 PM CDT
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