Come election day California residents will be voting on Proposition K. From Yes on Prop K’s site:
“San Francisco voters have an opportunity on election day to reduce violence against women and improve the health of sex workers and their clients. Voting yes on Proposition K to decriminalize prostitution - to prohibit the city from arresting prostitutes - will make it easier for sex workers to report violence to the police and improve public health. The decriminalization of prostitution was the main recommendation of the citywide San Francisco Task Force on Prostitution more than 10 years ago. A recent UCSF study found that 1 out of 7 sex workers in San Francisco were threatened with arrest by police officers unless they had sex with them, and 1 out of 5 reported that police officers paid them for sex. Clearly, the policing of sex work is problematic. Spending city resources on education and health outreach to sex workers and linking them to the array of excellent services in our city would be a much more humane and effective way to help sex workers. In addition, those arrests do little: nine cases went to trial last year, but there were no convictions.”
As a sex worker activist I support this proposition. Want to learn more? Bound, Not Gagged and $pread’s blog both have great coverage of Prop K. Annie Sprinkle writes a letter about Proposition K and Sadie Lune performs a Prop K piece at the Museum of Modern Art.
Voting day is almost here and more donations are needed. Please donate here!
Posted by Vixen as News, Activism at 10:13 PM CDT
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The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #152? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
Help, My Friend Says I Have an Ugly Vagina!
“Say no to vagina prejudice!”
“Kiss My Boots.”
“One of the more unexpected hairpin turns I navigated in my “Coming Out” into BDSM involved a series of moments that were deceptively simple, perhaps even innocent, in a way.”
Yours, Sir
“I felt and then heard a low rumble of a slightly sadistic chuckle from him.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank
Editor’s Choice
Sass And The Sadist
More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
Sublime Nudes courtesy of Badgirls Hotbox.
Posted by Vixen as Sugasm at 10:13 PM CDT
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Yay for funny faces! They’re so cute and shows the model having fun. The pic above is my favorite from this gallery.
Posted by Vixen as Sexy Sensations at 10:44 PM CDT
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I’ve got several news stories I want to cover so I’m doing a roundup.
Remember the crap movie Obsession? Democracy Now interviewed Isabel Macdonald about Obsession and Islamophobia. Macdonald co-wrote Smearcasting. From the site:
“Smearcasting documents the public writings and appearances of Islamophobic activists and pundits who intentionally and regularly spread fear, bigotry and misinformation in the media. Offering a fresh look at Islamophobia and its perpetrators in today’s media, it also provides four snapshots, or case studies, describing how Islamophobes manipulate media in order to paint Muslims with a broad, hateful brush.”
If only this report could be mailed to the 28 million people the movie was sent to.
—
It’s a series of indictments!
Sen. Ted Stevens found guilty in corruption case
“Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens was convicted of seven corruption charges Monday in a trial that threatened to end the 40-year career of Alaska’s political patriarch in disgrace. The verdict, coming barely a week before Election Day, increased Stevens’ difficulty in winning what already was a difficult race against Democratic challenger Mark Begich. Democrats hope to seize the once reliably Republican seat as part of their bid for a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate.
Stevens, 84, was convicted of all the felony charges he faced of lying about free home renovations and other gifts from a wealthy oil contractor. Jurors began deliberating last week.”
(snip)
“Despite being a convicted felon, he is not required to drop out of the race or resign from the Senate. If he wins re-election, he can continue to hold his seat because there is no rule barring felons from serving in Congress. The Senate could vote to expel him on a two-thirds vote.”
A person can be a felon and still be a senator. Yet in some states felons aren’t allowed to vote. Oh our crazy democracy!
—
Speaking of crazy-the woman “attacked” by an Obama supporter admits the whole thing was a hoax.
From the Post Gazette:
McCain volunteer admits to hoax
“Almost from the start, Pittsburgh police were skeptical about a young woman’s claim that she had been mugged and a “B” carved into her cheek by an attacker who was provoked by the sight of a John McCain bumper sticker on her car.
Yesterday, their doubts were confirmed when 20-year-old Ashley Todd, a McCain volunteer from College Station, Texas, admitted that she made the whole thing up.”
She carved the “B” into her cheek backwards. That’s why they call it self-abuse? Wow, I’d laugh if the whole story wasn’t so pathetic.
But is Todd really a volunteer? Turns out she was an employee of the College Republican National Committee.
From Buzzflash:
Ashley Todd, PA Racist Hoax “Victim,” Was Paid Organizer for College Republican National Committee, Not a Volunteer
“The attack of a 20-year-old college student was seized upon by the Drudge Report as a “mutilation,” and other conservative Web sites as fodder against the surging Obama campaign. Ashley Todd filed a report with the Pittsburgh Police Department alleging a 6′4′’ black man robbed her, then carved up her cheek and sexually assaulted her because he saw that she was a McCain supporter. It turns out the story was made up, and that Todd’s black eye and the backwards B scratched into her cheek were most likely self-inflicted.
Something was missed in the reporting of the story, however. Though Todd was an employee of the College Republican National Committee (CRNC) — as confirmed today to BuzzFlash by a representative there named Ethan Eioln — nearly every report demoted her to the role of volunteer. In fact, she was hired by the CRNC and promised a contract wage of $3,600 from August until Election Day. After she was charged by police for filing a false report, her employment with the CRNC was terminated.”
That last link from Buzzflash takes you to the College Republican National Committee’s blog post about Todd.
CRNC Statement on Ashley Todd
“When Ms. Todd initially contacted us claiming to have been attacked our first reaction was obviously to be concerned for her safety. We are as upset as anyone to learn of her deceit, Ashley must take full responsibility for her actions.
We have terminated her effective today.”
One would think the media would stop calling her a volunteer when she was clearly an employee.
Posted by Vixen as News at 11:30 PM CDT
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From Sex Workers Outreach Project:
National March for Sex Workers Rights
Dec. 17, 2008
Meet at Franklin Square (14st NW & Eye ST NW) near McPherson Square Station for rally and speeches.
March Gathers at noon.
March ends at The White House (1600 Pennsylvania AVE) about 3 blocks away.
Join the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP-USA) as we march on Washington to demand rights for all sex workers! On Wednesday, December 17, 2008, advocates from across the nation will converge to mark the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. Together, we will take a stand for justice, dignity, and the freedom to do sex work safely and in dignity. We are calling for an end to the unjust laws, policing, shaming and stigma that oppress our communities and make us targets for violence. At this vibrant event, we will both honor the lives lost in 2008 and celebrate our vital movement. Some housing is available for out-of-towners - consider staying on to attend our big party that weekend. On Dec. 17th, SWOP-USA and its allies in harm reduction and social justice welcome your support as we march for sex workers rights!
This is a permitted event (pending approval). For more information, or to endorse this event, contact:
877-776-2004 x 1
dec17atswopusadotorg
Posted by Vixen as Activism, Sex Workers at 11:49 PM CDT
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“I drink Scotch to take the edge off my misery.”
-regular client who seems stuck in a mid-life crisis
Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 7:52 PM CDT
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In addition to sending me Sex and Bacon, Seal Press also send me Sarah Katherine Lewis’ first book Indecent: How I Make It and Fake It as a Girl for Hire to review.
Indecent was an enjoyable read. There were many times I had to put the book down momentarily because I was laughing so hard. But now that I’ve sat on it I have to give this book a mixed review.
Though her stories deal with sex work I haven’t done I still related to her quite a bit. I’ve had clients treat me like scum because I’m a sex worker just as she writes about. I’ve smacked a client who tried to feel me up just as she has. While non sex workers may still laugh at her stories it’s the industry workers who will enjoy the little details-the nervousness of a worker to share a regular with a new girl, the various wig and make up tricks alternative chicks do to give them the appearance of a “normal” girl.
My favorite chapter was Toxic. She writes about a client Steve who she calls a Relator. Lewis explains the term:
“A Relater was a customer who wasn’t satisfied with getting the service he’d paid for as quickly and efficiently as possible-a Relater needed to believe he was actually making a human connection, that his provider actually liked him and found him charming.”
During the handjob session Steve asks her leading questions about her childhood. This shows his true fantasy-finding a women whose only a sex worker because she was sexually abused as a child. Lewis creates such an absurd tale of ritualistic abuse I was crying from laughing so hard.
I’d never heard of the Relater term before but I’m familiar with the type. I’ve had many phone calls where the client wanted to ask about my past or wanted to “get to know me as a real person”. The catch is they don’t really want to know the real me. These types lead the call, dropping hints on who they want you to pretend to be. Once they feel connected enough they often want your secret fantasy to be exactly like theirs. This may sound annoying but in fact these men are easy calls. Often they’ll talk for hours to establish the special connection. I wrote about one of these types in A Stellar First Call.
Lewis admits to having a love/hate relationship with the adult industry. Her client stories, while funny, show her anger at her work. She gives the impression that sex work was lucrative for her but I kept wondering if the work was good for her overall. She describes the violent fantasies she has about her clients, often daydreaming during the session.
“As I ran my hands over the knobs of Steve’s spine, I imagined myself stabbing him in the back. For maximum damage I’d have to work the knife in between the bumps of his spinal column, prying them apart and attacking the meat underneath. A sturdy serrated hunting blade could be pulled back, tearing flesh on the backstroke, before being viciously shoved in again and twisted. I could almost feel his spinal cartilage popping under my fist as I slammed the knife home-could almost hear the whistle of his collapsing lungs.”
Wow. I’ve never fantasized about killing a client. Now in personal sessions I do size up the client and room immediately. I compose a backup plan on how to defend myself if the client were to get violent. But that’s just common sense for sex workers. Fantasizing about maiming and killing clients? That seems unhealthy to me in any job, unless you’re a sniper or something.
Can I recommend this book? Like I said with her book Sex and Bacon “Yes but with reservations”. The book often reads like a fun bitch session about clients. Lewis is skilled when writing about the quirks of the industry-men who lick the peep show glass after the previous client came on it, the clients who pass noxious farts during sessions, the strong connection fellow sex workers have towards each other.
If you’re not a sex worker you may not like this book. It gives the impression that most, if not all, sex workers hate their work, hate their clients and it’s only the love of money that keeps them coming back for more. While this is true for some it is not the complete story of sex work.
Then again, can one book or one sex worker perspective ever tell the complete story? I’ve had days where I love my work and I’ve had days where I’ve wanted to smash my phone. Lewis seems to see most of her experiences in a negative light.
The majority of Indecent focuses on the negative, unpleasant parts of sex work. And that’s fine since that’s a valid experience. My problem with Lewis’ work is she takes her experiences and projects them onto sex work as a whole. I’d like to thank reader Iamcuriousblue for pointing me to Lewis’ original introduction to this book. Here’s a snip:
“I have snorkeled through shit for money, and what I’ve learned is this: it’s not trangressive to work in the sex industry. It’s not sexy, nor is it somehow “empowering,” unless you’re a grievously damaged bitch who got fucked by her daddy at age five, and who now has to re-enact that same power imbalance over and over again with customers in order to re-cast her victimization as control.”
This is the side of Lewis’ writing that irks me over and over again. You know what? I find sex work pretty empowering. But I’m neither a grievously damaged bitch nor did I get fucked by my daddy. Before PSO work I was pretty hard up. I hitchhiked to work because I couldn’t afford to get my car fixed. I played the which bill can I put off another month game. I ate crappy Ramen noodles and generic Kraft macaroni and cheese. These days I’m not rich but I can afford to shop at the health food store and buy organic groceries. I can take my car in to get fixed. I can finally help others by giving to charity. That feels pretty damn empowering to me. If it weren’t for sex work I wouldn’t be where I am today and for that I am grateful.
That said, I still enjoyed Lewis’ client stories. But her negative attitude and frequent implications that all sex work is bad make me ultimately disappointed in the book.
Posted by Vixen as Reviews, Sex Workers at 9:30 PM CDT
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After making the Mormons Exposed calendar Chad Hardy got excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Now his diploma has been taken back.
From St. Louis Today:
BYU yanks diploma from ex-Mormon calendar-maker
“Brigham Young University has yanked the diploma of a man who created a calendar featuring shirtless Mormon missionaries and was later excommunicated from the church.”
(snip)
“A Sept. 30 letter from Norman B. Finlinson, the school’s executive director of student academic and advisement services, said a nonacademic hold was placed on Hardy’s record after the church-owned university learned of the excommunication.
“If in the future you are reinstated as a member of the church in good standing, you are invited to contact my office regarding your possible eligibility for the awarding of a degree,” Finlinson wrote.
Hardy, 31, plans to challenge the school’s decision. ”
Chad has a MySpace page; this entry discusses this latest development and gives contact info for BYU officials.
Posted by Vixen as News at 10:27 PM CDT
2 Comments »
From Women Against McCain Palin:
“This November, female victims of rape and incest are in jeopardy of losing their rights. Join our movement and pay to have these ads run on TV in a swing state.”
You can watch the ads, donate to the campain and read more info here.
—
I remember a time when even opponents of abortion agreed that rape and incest victims should be able to get abortions. It is sickening that there are people, and worse candidates for major office, who want to take that choice away, further traumatizing the victims.
Posted by Vixen as News, Activism at 2:19 PM CDT
2 Comments »
I dig happy porn. The model from this gallery looks like she’s having fun.
Plus there’s a wall of pom poms! That’s super groovy!
Posted by Vixen as Sexy Sensations at 11:03 PM CDT
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I found this via This Modern World:
When I first saw this pic I thought it had to be Photoshopped. But it’s real. Wow. Just wow.
There needs to be billboards across the US with a close-up of McCain. The caption could be “Do you really want this man to be president?”
Susie Bright lived blogged the debate in her insightful and often hilarious manner. My favorite line from Live Blogging the Last Presidential Debate - Obama & McCain is:
“Anyone who is genuinely undecided at this point is a liar or high.”
Although her “I think this debate is a media spin, to give McCain a little blip at the end. “Hey, he’s coherent for a few minutes, after all! Let’s give the man his due!” They want a little more drama for their spinmeisters before November.” is a shrewd observation.
Posted by Vixen as News at 10:58 PM CDT
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This incident happened this past summer. I was hesitant to blog this because it shows me in a bad light. But I started this blog as a way to talk freely about my work. I wanted a space where I could write about both the good times and the bad times. So here it is.
The call started off normal. The guy was a Just Another Caller type. He wanted a sexy voice, some vague domination and commands to jerk off. JAC types aren’t bad callers. In fact they are essential to my work. They are as interchangeable to me as I surely am to them. They tend to be boring calls but my knitting makes up for that. The only thing really bad about them is they don’t make for interesting blog posts. Thankfully I get enough interesting clients to make up for them.
JAC started annoying me within minutes of our call. He kept insisting that he wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. He only wanted to talk about what I wanted to talk about. I can’t stand this. We both know it’s not true. When callers say those things this is what I hear: I’m too embarrassed to tell you what my real fantasy is so I want you to play mind reader and find out.
Most of the time I ignore my annoyance and follow their lead. I guess what their fantasy is and pretend it’s mine. If they like it the call takes off; if they don’t I try again and again until they react positively to one of my fantasy suggestions. Normally this works pretty well.
I tried this tactic with JAC. He kept pushing back saying “No, what do you really want?” I could feel my blood starting to boil. Again and again I tried a “here’s what I want to do to you” fantasy. JAC kept insisting he only wanted to do things or talk about what I wanted.
I can remember the moment I snapped. It was as if something literally snapped inside me. “Ok JAC you want to know what I really want to talk about?” I said.
Actually I didn’t say that. I yelled it. The anger, stress, annoyance and tension billowed out of my mouth. The day he called had been a stressful one. I told JAC about the things I wanted to talk about:
My best friend was in the hospital. I couldn’t go see her because my car was getting repaired. (She’s ok now.) Mr. Radical was sick with a cold. Some extra expenses had come in and I had not been getting many calls. A knitting project was not working out and I had ripped out a complicated section several times. (This may seem minor to you but if you’re a knitter I know you’ll understand.) My dog had eaten my cat’s poo (again!) and now had diarrhea. The weather matched my mood. It was raining and gloomy and there was mud everywhere.
But I’ve worked under bad conditions before and not snapped. What made me lose it? I don’t know.
I finished my rant with a criticism of JAC. “Now that’s what I want to talk about but I don’t think that’s what you want to jerk off to. So what I would suggest JAC is that you tell me what turns you on so I can pretend I care and you can jerk yourself off.”
That’s not exactly what I said. If you insert random cuss words into the above statement you’ll get a better idea of what I told him. When I get pissed off I cuss a lot.
By the time I finished screaming at JAC I was gasping for air. I fell silent and tried to catch my breath. I was shaking with rage and had started tearing up. JAC was also silent. I realized the other line had been silent for awhile and wondered if he was still there.
A meek little voice finally spoke. “Well I was just calling to see how this worked…”
My bitch streak wasn’t over. I snapped back that I had already explained how it worked. At least I had stopped yelling?
He ummm’d and ahhh’d a bit and then said he had to go. I think I actually yelled “GOOD!” and hung up. I screamed “what an asshole” to my phone.
Then I started crying. I fell into my chair and just let the tears come. Somehow I had been standing during the call; I think I must have stood up while yelling.
Rage towards JAC morphed into OMG did I just lose my shit on a client?!?! What was I thinking? I grabbed my phone and turned it off. There was no way I was doing another call until I got a hold of myself. I cried out the rest of my rage and stress and tried to own up to what I had just done.
Later that night I turned my phone on again. I was extra nice to my clients as if that would make up for my treatment of JAC.
JAC never called back. I hope he never does. I’d be to embarrassed to have to explain myself to him.
I acted very unprofessionally. It’s like I went into super bitch mode and directly all my rage at JAC, as if he were the cause of all my troubles. If I had been honest with myself I would have realized I was in no condition to do calls. But often I love doing calls when life is stressful. It’s like I get to put my life on hold for the time I’m talking with a client.
Why was this time different? I think there were so many stress factors it just sent me over the edge. I can’t make it up to JAC. But this call taught me an important lesson. Don’t lose it on clients. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? Not for me apparently.
These days when I get a difficult call I check in with myself before giving any indication to the client. Am I up for this call? Is there anything I can do to change the tone of the call? If the client is really being an asshole is there something happy I can do while talking to him? This tactic has been working really well for me.
I’ve had many JAC types since this incident. The “whatever I want” response is still a pet peeve. Now when a guy says that I try to show compassion. Maybe they’re nervous. Maybe they’re scared I’ll freak out over their fetish. I play along, pretend their fetish is really mine and try to give them a good call.
It wasn’t easy to write this post because I have to admit what a bitch I was to JAC. I can’t make it up to him but I can check in with myself to make sure I don’t do it again to someone else.
Sex Work And Compassion Series
Sex Work And Compassion: Panty Tree
Sex Work and Compassion: Self Hating Client
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 10:30 PM CDT
6 Comments »
Found via World Sex News Daily:
How yoga can spice up your sex life
“YOGA has many benefits for those who perserve and one without doubt is that it improves your sex life.
“Loaded with mind, body and soul benefits, yoga does more than offer enlightenment and improved well-being. It can transform your sex life at its very core,” says sex educator, relationship expert and Fox News columnist Dr Yvonne K. Fulbright.”
Here’s an example:
“5. Greater Fitness
By tapping unused muscles, you will feel fitter. In working out, your body will become more toned and you may notice an increase in your metabolism. Better muscle tone will also increase your sexual responsiveness. For example, tight hips decrease your sex drive by constricting blood flow to the sexual region, decreasing nerve activity and pleasure. Yoga counters this!”
—
I’ve been practicing yoga for about eight years. Dr. Fulbright’s list makes sense to me.
Posted by Vixen as News at 11:59 PM CDT
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“You spin a pretty good yarn.”
-new client
He was referring to the fantasy we had just talked about but as a knitter and spinner I took the compliment differently.
Posted by Vixen as Quote Book at 11:57 PM CDT
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