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May 23rd, 2008

Reality Check: Dealing With Assholes

View over Manhattan, New York

I got a lot of responses to my post Reality Check: Asshole Clients. The most common question was-How do you deal with asshole clients? Through the years I’ve come up with several techniques. While the following tips are meant for PSOs many can be adapted to different aspects of sex work.

First off I suggest you work with a service that lets you decline calls or end calls early without punishment. True, this one isn’t a tip for dealing with assholes. But it’s still an important one. Having the ability to back out of a bad call is essential for a PSO if she wants to avoid burnout.

Being able to decline a call is great but bills still need to be paid. On to the tips:

-Snuggle your pussy
If you’re a cat owner snuggle up with your furball. My cat has no idea how many calls he’s helped me through. A warm snuggly kitty in my lap puts me at ease while a caller calls me a bitch or ridicules the fantasy I’m telling him. Added bonus-You can use my favorite PSO line- “I’m petting my pussy right now.”

I know. I recommend knitting on all calls. But knitting on asshole calls is great. The guy can be ridiculing your breast size and you’re overjoyed because you just turned the heel of your first sock. Caution: Extremely stressful calls will effect your gauge so make sure to work on a project that’s forgiving of fluctuations in your knitting.

-Do quiet household chores
Putting away laundry is probably the best chore to do on the phone. It’s quiet and can relax your nerves on a stressful call.

-Give a lackluster or downright bad call
Use this one Very Sparingly! I’ve only done this one a few times. You have to be careful not to get caught. How to give a lame call? It’s hard to say since it has to be tailored to the individual. But seasoned PSOs will know what I’m talking about here. Some examples could be not moaning loud enough, not answering a question promptly or forgetting to hit mute while you cough or blow your nose.

I don’t recommend this tip that highly. The guy is paying for call with you after all. Think of this one as a last resort tip. If he’s being verbally abusive and you’ll get in trouble for dumping him try giving a lackluster call. He may even cum at the end of the call during it. That’s great. The goal here is to satisfy him enough that he doesn’t complain but not enough that he wants to call you back.

-Give an outstanding call
I know-this one contradicts the preceding tip right? Not necessarily. Sometimes giving an asshole client a stellar call is the best way to handle the situation. This works great on the guys that personally insult you. Make them crave you, make them addicted to you.

Telling you how to do that is hard. This is such a customized tactic it’s difficult to find examples. Again, seasoned PSOs will know what I mean. Getting a client hooked hard is an intuitive thing. Sometimes when I’m talking to a client I feel like my voice is entrapping him. It’s as if I can feel my words creating this sort of bondage around him. I’ll just sense that he needs me. (This isn’t just for asshole clients. I get that vibe when I talk to the Fabulous Foot Slut and not only do I like him, he’s one of my best clients.)

A bonus to this tip is giving a stellar call sometimes turns an asshole client into a great client. This has happened to me numerous times. The call will start out frustrating. My sex worker intuition says to give a stellar call so I do. The next time the guy calls his attitude is completely different and I never think of him as an asshole again. He gets more good calls from me and I get a good client. It’s a win for both of us.

Yoga poses are great for releasing stress. After talking to a difficult client I like to do yoga. This releases all the tension that built up during the call. You can even do some stretches while on a call if you have a headset with a good mute button. I like to do neck rolls and leg stretches on stressful calls.

-Take a break after the call
Even a little five minute break can work wonders. There’s one client I talk to where I turn my phone off for the rest of the night after we talk. He’s not a bad client but he’s incredibly demanding. I have to constantly talk. If I take a break to plan my next words or even to take a drink of water he complains that I’m not talking and that I’m wasting his time. I can handle him but I find I need to decompress after we talk.

-Donate a portion of call to charity
This one feels great. A couple years ago I was talking to a guy that whole heartedly supported the Iraq war and thought Bush was doing a great job as president. He never wanted to debate, he just wanted to give his thoughts on the current political situation. Whenever I would voice my opinions he would brush me off as a “silly little girl” who was too young to know anything about how the world worked. This made my blood boil. During the fantasy part of the call he was pleasant enough so I wanted to keep him as a client. Every third or fourth call with him I would donate the money to anti-war organizations. It made me feel so much better. Suddenly his calls were stress free. Every time he’d go off about the liberal media distorting the truth about Iraqi I’d smile thinking about how he’d hate it if he knew I was donating to charities he in all likelihood hated.

-Look at pleasing pictures
There’s one client who likes constant orgasms. And not the quiet little sighs. No he wants the porn star, going for the AVN award for best scream, type of orgasms. After I do one he demands another. And another. And another. This doesn’t make him an asshole but the calls are a pain to do.

To make my orgasms sound real I look at pictures of pretty yarn online. When I see a picture of handspun, handpainted wool I naturally go OHHHHHHH!!!!! Saying Oh My God! I love it! I need it! Give it to me! is not really a stretch because yes I do want that yarn. If you’re not a freak for fiber like me perhaps looking at places you want to visit would do the trick. In the middle of winter I like to look at pictures of Hawaii. Looking at warm sunny beaches makes my Yes! Yes! Oh it feels so good! comments sound hot.

Use this one sparingly. There’s no need to turn into a lush over an asshole client. If done in moderation the occasional glass of wine on a call is pleasant.

-Have sex worker friends
No one understands quite like a fellow sex worker. When I’ve had a frustrating call I like to talk to a sex worker friends. We’ll swap work stories and usually end up laughing over the situation. If you want to prevent burn out find some fellow workers you can talk to.

Reality Check Series:
Reality Check: Getting Sick
Reality Check: Lessons Learned From Clients
Reality Check: Eating Food
Reality Check: Handling Long Calls
Reality Check: Working On Christmas
Reality Check: Asshole Clients

Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions at 10:35 PM CDT