Jennifer is an escort working in New Mexico. She graciously agreed to be interviewed about the recent prostitution bust in Albuquerque. The David Flory she refers to is the man accused of running the Southwest Companions website and other charges.
How did you find out about the Albuquerque bust?
Texts and messages started flooding in immediately. Everyone who heard contacted me pretty quick.
Friends sent me links to different stories.
How has your escort business been affected?
It has been devastated and I guess that was their goal. The business completely died immediately after the story broke. Only a very few long time clients are still in contact right now, and half of them weren’t associated with SWC at all.
What’s the vibe in the escort community right now?
I know very little because I haven’t had much communication with anyone. I have no idea who I can trust and who I can’t so I’ve been very cautious. One of my friends took down her website like I did. Another one that I know of at least changed her phone number, although I have no idea how that would help.
How have the clients been reacting to the bust?
Well, the ones I have spoken with have looked for reassurances that they’re still safe with me and are pretty saddened by the loss of the New Mexico community as a whole. No one understands why resources are being wasted like this on our industry, which we view as a “victimless crime” when there is so much serious crime out there that involves violence and theft and destruction.
How does this bust affect escorts communicating with each other and with clients?
Well as I’ve said, there is very little communication now, which creates a very dangerous environment for all of us. This “prostitution ring” was really a website designed for open communication and safety, and of course a little free advertising. It was the place we could discuss clients and verify with each other who was honest and good and who was freaky, violent or a rip off artist. The same goes for the men. They knew which girls were not only talented, but also who was drugged out or known to be a thief. We could discuss who played unsafely and who had good reputations for practicing safe sex. All that is gone now, and we’re all back to playing blind so to speak.
How will these arrests affect safety practices amongst escorts?
When we see sad circumstances of young girls being pimped and controlled and mistreated, and then even more horrific stories like the West Mesa Murders, it creates a feeling that “something should be done”. The saddest part is that Southwest Companions was created exactly for that purpose and now it’s gone. They’ve destroyed the community of safety we built to enable us to work independently.
I would beg women to just hang on through this tough time, work to build back trust among us, and continue to communicate with each other. Don’t turn to the streets or the truck stops or to pimps for protection. Don’t let feelings of desperation or despair make you reckless. Stay strong, stay clean, stay smart.
What are your opinions of the media coverage?
Well it was definitely the hot button story for a few days. The writing was pretty skewed in the direction of making David seem evil. Mostly, it was pretty much just regurgitated repetition, thankfully (in this case) no one really does serious investigative reporting anymore. It was easy for me to see that not much is known about how our industry really works.
Several women were accused of being prostitutes in the media before being found guilty of it. Have you heard how these women have been affected? What do you think about the media doing this?
Well, I have to defend the media on this one. The women that they accused of being prostitutes had full web sites claiming to be talented escorts, containing pictures and detailed descriptions of what they would do and how they would pleasure someone during a date and had their hourly rates posted. It’s pretty hard at that point to quibble over who might be a what.
The Dateline special portrayed the ABQ police as wanting to help New Mexico prostitutes (ex the West Mesa Murders) and yet the police are busting women and men in the ABQ area. Do you think this bust will negatively affect future progress on the case?
Omg, I can’t even imagine! I’m afraid of more escorts moving to the streets after losing their main internet business. I know that by destroying trust and communication avenues the only willing participants with police are going to be girls who are being threatened by the police because of their minor children or drugs. How reliable will those be? By arresting the decent paying clients it’s only going to create a desperation that may drive girls to be more reckless with which Johns they go with, leaving them wide open to freaks and killers.
What actions would you like to see the sex worker activist community doing about this bust?
I’m not sure what can be done. We need to rebuild a forum for referencing safe people, places, and practices.
What can sex worker supporters do to help escorts?
It mainly depends on voting for the right people and ideas, especially on local levels. We need to put pressure on our governments to put the money and resources into the projects that are really important.
Prostitution busts are often portrayed as necessary to get women out of the escort business. Do you think women quit the business and get “socially accepted” jobs because of busts like this?
I don’t know. Two women I know well already have regular jobs and I think that’s really common. One is a teacher who is divorced with two children; she got into the business when she was facing foreclosure on her house. The other has been working a job, going to school and still works in the business to stay afloat. I’m disabled and unable to work a normal job. I’m in the business so I can afford my doctors and medications. My medications alone run about $1,200.00 a month. I’ve been on the waiting list for state medical care for over 3 years now.
What are your opinions on governments and societies telling consenting adults what they can and can’t do with their time, bodies and money?
Oh I could go on forever about how wrong the system is. I think most of the ridiculous laws were brought about through good intentions of creating an environment of protection for it’s citizens but hundreds of years worth of history has proven that it doesn’t work. People are not better people because they live under thick layers of blanket laws that don’t take individual circumstances into account.
Any other thoughts on the bust that you’d like to share?
I’d like to give my personal opinion on David Flory, as someone who knew him and worked with him. Although we, the local working girls of New Mexico, would get frustrated with him for encouraging so many outside girls to travel to New Mexico for work, he wasn’t a bad guy. He took over the site to keep it from getting lost and falling apart. He recognized the need for service that the site provided and he was dedicated to keeping the hobby fun and safe for everybody. He never pressured or forced or intimidated or threatened or “pimped” or “managed” anyone. His biggest error was trying to encourage out of state girls to visit. In his mind, and the minds of the other men that were arrested, it was about increasing the variety of girls to choose from.
Posted by Vixen as Interviews, Sex Workers at 10:10 PM CDT
1 Comment »
The Beautiful Kind is doing a series of interviews with the Sex Blogger Calendar models. She just posted mine-You Are The Beautiful Kind: Radical Vixen
Thanks for including me TBK!
Posted by Vixen as Interviews at 9:19 PM CDT
No Comments »
Sex Worker Profile
Craig Seymour was a stripper in D.C. during the ’90s. He writes about the experience in his book All I Could Bare: My Life in the Strip Clubs of Gay Washington, D.C. My review of the book is in the current issue of $pread Magazine.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I’m not currently doing any sex work, unless you considering writing a memoir about being a stripper and then selling it to people as sex work : ) It’s certainly work, and both men and women have told me that they’ve gotten a little horny while reading it. So, in that way, I guess I’m still selling sex for money.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
Not as active on the front lines as I should be or would like to be. But I do see my memoir as a bit of covert activism. I think a lot of people have a negative view of sex work because they see sex workers and their customers as stereotypes. But in my book I try to humanize sex workers and customers by openly sharing my own story and those of others who were a part of the scene. My goal was to paint a truthful, yet multi-dimensional, picture. Already, I’ve gotten emails from people who can relate my experience as a stripper to their experiences as waitresses, members of sports teams, and a whole host of other things. So hopefully I’m doing my part. I think the first step in any sort of activism is to get people to think about something differently, and hopefully my book is helping to change perceptions.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
It’s the same way you’d promote solidarity among all people — don’t judge, and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It would always drive me crazy when my fellow strippers would look down on hustlers or porn models. I mean, it’s fine if that’s not your choice. But there’s no point in looking down on people who make the choice to do it. And most people outside of the sex industry think it’s all the same anyway. (I learned this lesson firsthand from the critical reactions to my book. Numerous reviews refer to me as a “prostitute” even though all I ever did was j/o for one guy one time; he didn’t touch me, and I didn’t touch him.)
What project(s) are you working on now?
A novel. And, yes, one character is a sex worker…
—
Though Craig downplays his activism by saying he’s not on the front lines I still think he’s doing important work. All I Could Bare does an excellent job of humanizing sex workers. There were so many times I related to his experiences and I’ve never been a stripper. I imagine he’ll have plenty of readers who have never done sex work that will still relate to his stories.
In the recent issue of $pread Craig relates a story about a waitress who related to his book. Finding connections to others is vital if we want people to see sex work as just another type of labor. If I take away the titillating details of calls I can relate to a lot of workers. Who hasn’t had a day where they didn’t want to work or a day where some piece of important equipment breaks at an inopportune time? Once a connection is made acceptance can happen.
A friend of mine is a nurse. When she found out I was a PSO she found someone she could share her weird hospital experiences with. For years she worked as an emergency room nurse. That woman has seen some weird things shoved up patients rectums. Most people might not want to hear those types of stories. But she was able to laugh about them with me. I found them very entertaining. Our work is so different but we related to each other in many ways.
The more non-sex-workers can relate to us the more support we’ll have. We can try to mobilize ourselves as much as possible but for measures like Prop K to pass we’ll need as much support as we can get.
I’m also happy that Craig is still proud and out about his sex worker past. After reading Sarah Katherine Lewis’ books (reviews here and here) it was so nice to read a sex worker reflect on his work in a positive light.
It’s interesting to hear he’s writing a novel featuring a sex worker. I’d like to see more sex worker characters. Ideally, I’d like them to be similar to the PSO character in the book Native Tongue by Carl Hiaasen. She was a PSO but it wasn’t the plot of the book-it was just a part of her character. There was no moral struggle about her work. Instead Hiaasen often used it comedic effect. This humanized sex work, just like Craig mentions.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie
Sex Worker Solidarity: Catalina
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 10:48 PM CST
No Comments »
Sweat Shop Sissy liked my interview with Nanette and asked if he could give his own answers to the questions. I said sure. He’s posted his answers over on Best Sex Bloggers in the post Vixen Interviews Sweat Shop Sissy (kinda).
It’s an interesting read and even more interesting to compare his answers to Nanette’s. Thanks to SSS for thinking of the idea!
Posted by Vixen as Interviews at 11:16 PM CDT
No Comments »
I talk to a lot of sissies. Originally I planned to write about them for the Fetish Fridays series. Instead one of my blog readers Nanette, who is a sissy, agreed to an interview. She sent me the above picture which is her beloved Barbie plate where all of her sissies releases are deposited and then eaten.
How would you define a sissy? What sort of things do sissies have in common?
Sissies love to be surrounded by femininity — makeup, lipstick, perfume, panties, bras, camisoles, stockings, shoes, magazines like Marie Claire (Cosmopolitan is a bit too forward for this sissy). Nancy Drew mysteries. Hobbies like needlepoint. Dolls and dollhouses. Shopping for clothes. Sissies love feminizing their own bodies — toenail polish, shaving, bubble baths.
The poor sissified boy in the Who’s “I’m a Boy” is not a sissy, though that is one of the all-time great sissy songs.
How do sissies differ from each other?
Two of the main differences are sexual orientation and degree of sissy immersion. Some sissies are gay, some are straight, some have elements of both. Some are sissies primarily for sexual fun and lead a non-sissy life, or attempt to, when not seeking sexual satisfaction. Others would be perfectly content to be sissified 24/7 if society allowed.
Humiliation seems to be a key part of being a sissy. Yet I would define the humiliation as a “fun humiliation”. Would you agree?
Yes, I would agree. For some sissies the actual humiliation is *not* fun, but the anticipation and recollection of it is. Over time, sissies may develop a tolerance for humiliation — what was once humiliating becomes commonplace — and need to raise the degree of humiliation.
What do you consider to be the difference between a sissy and a crossdresser?
I would say that virtually all sissies are crossdressers, but not all crossdressers are sissies. Crossdressers simply feel more comfortable wearing women’s clothes. There isn’t an element of inferiority involved.
I would also say that the humiliation aspect is one thing that differentiates a sissy from a crossdresser. A crossdresser may not feel the need to be humiliated, may just feel most themselves when dressed in feminine attire, but are subservient to no one when dressed. A sissy would often feel aware of being sexually inferior –not successful as a male, but try as she might, not as feminine as a genetic woman.
When did you realize you were a sissy?
I was late to the party. I did not realize I was a sissy until reading letters to Penthouse when I was in college. A couple of the letters about forced feminization and male submission were electric — more exciting than the pictures, for that matter, more exciting than live sexual partners. One in particular I nearly memorized — “Weekend Wenches.”
How has your sissyhood changed over time?
I am more sissified more of the time than I used to be. I used to view it like an affliction that would erupt out of nowhere, need to be satisfied, and then hopefully go away. Now I am more accepting of it. I don’t think anything of coming home from work and changing into a bra or cami and panty — it’s just what I do. Likewise, when I am allowed sissy release, it used to be off with the sissy clothing as soon as possible afterwards. Now, thanks to years of training from some wonderful phone mistresses, having an orgasm doesn’t change anything about my sissiness. I am a sissy before and after.
However, I am still acutely aware that a sissy is not accepted in American society. I would not want to be “outed” at work, or among friends or family not in the scene. Some sissies are more advanced than I in that regard.
What are some myths or misconceptions about sissies that you’ve run into?
The main one would be that most sissies are gay. Those in the sex worker world know this not to be so, but few of those outside the industry know.
A complicating factor is that forced bisexual activity is a common sissy fantasy. Many would say that this just proves that sissies are gay, but that really isn’t the dynamic. I have no interest in having sex with a man, but being “forced” to have sex with a man– or even better, another sissy — under the watchful eye of a dominant female is exciting. It’s the submission to the female that makes it so.
Of course, some sissies are gay. The element of sexual inferiority would still apply, most likely, but probably involves submission to a dominant male rather than a dominant female. (I am speculating here –truly gay sissies are not my long suit.)
Is there anything in particular that you would like people to know about sissies?
Most of us are closeted. It would be great to be able to be a sissy in real life and not have to worry about the consequences, but society is not yet ready for us. We can come out in everyday life only at tremendous personal cost. Many of the battles for acceptance fought by gays in the 1960s and 1970s are still remaining to be fought by sissies braver than I. That’s too bad, because we are really quite harmless and can be a lot of fun.
Thank you for the interview Nanette!
Fetish Fridays
Fetish Fridays: Sploshing
Fetish Fridays: Robot Sex
Fetish Fridays: Humiliation
Fetish Fridays: Glory Holes
Fetish Fridays: Shoe Fetish
Fetish Fridays: Achoo!
Fetish Fridays: Tickle Fetish
Fetish Fridays: Doggy Boy
Fetish Fridays: Smoking Fetish
Fetish Fridays: Latex Love
Fetish Fridays: Furries
Fetish Fridays: Exhibitionism
Fetish Fridays: Chastity
Fetish Fridays: Pony Play
Fetish Fridays: Hirsutism
Fetish Fridays: Sploshing Revisited
Posted by Vixen as Fetish Fridays, Interviews at 10:11 PM CDT
3 Comments »
Sex Worker Profile
I am Catalina. I’m a 36-year-old polyamorous sex kitten who has somehow made a name for herself as a sex expert (and slut). Aside from that, I’m a PR and marketing consultant, a mother, a wife, a professional domme, a fellatrix, a mentor, a writer, a stoner hippie chick, a nerd, a princess, a dork, a whore, a Daddy’s girl, and a wanna-be yogi. My Master is Marky D. Sade.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
Aside from my work as a sex(positive) writer, I am also a professional dominatrix, fellatrix, and a fetish model. I have just recently started producing fetish content to open my own Clips Store.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I don’t consider myself to be politically active, however I do consider myself to be a sex positive person. In a society where women are taught that sex is shameful, I proudly state that I love sex. I take pride in the term “slut,” as someone who likes to fuck.
Also, as far as my work in the sex industry - I don’t feel ashamed to do what I do. My friends know about my work, we talk about it over coffee sometimes as their jaws drop when I tell them about my latest adventures. Nobody in my circle has ever been anything but supportive. Many of my female friends confide in me that they have thought of using their bodies for money, but haven’t due to the taboo of it.
Of course, I am pretty “out” as far as the bigger world is concerned. Not only do I write about some of my clients and adventures on Catalina Loves, I have a blog solely dedicated to my Fetish/FemDom work called Momme Domme: From Professional Momme to Professional Domme.
I do, however, believe that the single most important thing that I do as a sex-positive role model is raising sex-positive daughters. I don’t talk to them about inappropriate things or show them inappropriate images, but I also don’t treat sexuality like it’s a dirty sin. For example, the book I’m reviewing for my blog called, “Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide To Masturbation,” is sitting in the bathroom, accidentally left there on purpose in the hopes that my 14-year-old reads it and learns that masturbation is normal and healthy.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Tricky Tricky! In my perfect world, I would have a group of local friends who are sex workers. Ideally we could compare notes on clients, the business side of things, and also have a sense of camaraderie. However, in my experience, there is too much competition between the women and it always breaks down into a feud. I try to actually stay to myself in real life, and be as supportive as possible online to those who seek me out.
What project(s) are you working on now?
I write my own personal sex blog at Catalina Loves, my personal journal and opinions at Catalina Says, my Professional Dominatrix/Fetish Model blog at Momme Domme, a weekly sex blog review of my favorite posts called This Week in Kink, and a weekly list of new things to try on Catalina’s Good Things List. I also contribute at Breathplay, Corset and Collar, and Mr. and Mrs. Kink which I write with Marky D. Sade.
I am a featured blogger on Social Kink, a toy reviewer for Vibe Review and Liberator, and a book reviewer for Seal Press. On top of that, I’m writing a book that chronicles my work in the sex industry, as well as editing and writing the foreward to Melvin Moten Jr’s latest book.
Together, Marky D. Sade and I run Quid Pro Quo, a PR and Marketing company that specializes in the fetish market. Our client list includes some of the industry’s top models, photographers, and webmasters.
—
Sometimes I think I’m a busy blogger. I have a handful of online projects and there are times I have more than I can handle. Then I interview Catalina, who has so many online projects I don’t know when the woman sleeps, and realize that I’m really not that busy. Her enthusiasm for kink shows in her writings and her photographs and she is a delight to chat with.
I can relate to Catalina’s wish of having a “group of local friends who are sex workers”. While I do have a group of women I occasionally meet up with, I wish I had a weekly coffee night with fellow workers.
Like Catalina most of my networking is done online. I remember when I first found an online forum for PSOs. (Unfortunately, it has long been abandoned due to hacking.) Years ago the forum was full of activity. The online conversations helped me through phases of burn out and helped me become a better PSO. It was a place to bitch about cranky clients and a place to seek advice.
With her husband Mark, she is creating quite the network of kinksters. Though some may not consider this activism I do. There is value in creating connections between kinksters, as there is with connecting sex workers. Catalina makes an excellent point that many of us feud instead of support each other. I’ve had tensions with fellow workers and I’ve seen plenty of drama in the BDSM community. However I believe that both movements are getting stronger. The more we can support each other the stronger we become as a unified group. I certainly feel more connected to fellow sex workers and activists since I began blogging. And I hope these feelings continue to grow.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 9:55 PM CDT
7 Comments »
Sex Worker Profile
I’m a former escort, now running Sex-Kitten.Net, a lifestyles site for women who admit that sex is a part of their lives. SK, as we affectionately call it, has many regular columnists as well as guests (both male and female). I started it nearly a decade ago!
If you’d like more of my bio, please see here.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
Technically I’m a writer and an editor; but I see myself as a facilitator of conversations.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I consider myself an activist in the sense that I work very hard to keep sex from being a dirty taboo. By keeping the dialog open and ongoing, I hope to further understanding and acceptance of sex by society. If ‘mainstream’ society doesn’t accept sex, neither sex work nor the workers will be respected.
How I do this is by facilitating conversations and by providing a forum for these conversations.
I believe that it is through conversations that women identify, scrutinize, question, confront & come to terms with their concerns & needs. As women communicate with each other from a place of mutual respect, individual as well as partner needs, insecurities, & desires are exposed & understood.
In short, and I’m not known for being succinct *wink*, I believe that having a place to share and connect, to ask and to answer, to face their own fears and see them mirrored in the insecurities of others, is a place to not only build awareness but to exercise tolerance and understanding of others.
And I help others market their adult sites, products and services as The Marketing Whore.
Similarly, by keeping an open dialog between mainstream and adult marketers, I hope to break down barriers by showing that business is business and that ethics are a part of our business (quite often more than in mainstream business).
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Honestly, I often think the largest problem currently facing sex worker solidarity is ourselves.
I hear too many sex workers discussing the differences between types of sex work and debating the definitions of sex workers ~ and not just in a marketing sense. Like the political ‘red states vs. blue states’, we are focusing on the smaller differences which keep us apart, forgetting that we have much more in common than not, and making it more difficult to come together in terms of understanding & acceptance of one another. This also makes it much more difficult to unify and work for the understanding & acceptance of sex and sex work by the public at large. But this fragmentation of our industry is also far more insidious.
When I hear one pro belittle another pro, my heart aches. When I hear one sex worker claim superiority over another, I feel quite sick to my stomach. I’m not talking about individuals with ethics problems ~ we most certainly should be calling one another out and holding one another accountable for adding to the negative stereotypes; I’m talking about the sex workers who fall for the moral arguments, believing in lines & using them to keep some sense of purity… The “I’m not that kind” thinking not only divides us, but is proof that at some level the person has fallen for and accepts that sex work is dirty (in a bad way).
Bad ethics aside, there is no bad sex work.
Higher rates do not make one sex worker more pure than another; nor do specific acts. Escorts, hookers, hos, those who work directly with flesh & fluids, are no dirtier (or cleaner) than phone sex operators who work with words. Those making or selling sex products for the purpose of sexual gratification (toys, erotic stories, porn films & publications, etc.) are no more (or less) involved in sex work than an escort, a pro Domme, a PSO, etc. Those who write non-fiction works; who create educational sex films & guides; who report on sex health issues; who fight for better reproductive rights; who push for better policies & treatment for gender issues; who treat, medicate, counsel, & create tools with which to better treat, medicate, etc. ~ they all can claim themselves sex workers, should they wish to don the scarlet letters and cloaks.
And I hope they do.
For each one of us wants sexuality to be safe, sane, consensual, and pleasurable ~ be it free or paid. Yet every time we justify our work as better, more pure, more acceptable than the work of another, or limit entrance into the movement or industry, we move away from those goals.
We are all part of the same struggle. We should be welcoming one another with open hearts as well as open minds. After all, that’s what we are asking others to do with us, with sex work.
What project(s) are you working on now?
I am an editor, not just for the website, but two book imprints:
Sex-Kitten books
Gracie Passsette Productions
I also will be writing at Women Blogging For Democrats with hopes that ’sex’ can appear as part of a political platform ~ heaven knows there are plenty of these
issues, such as reproductive health, sex education, and basic rights which are linked to gender and sexuality, which should be a part of every candidate’s platform.
—
Gracie’s comment “If ‘mainstream’ society doesn’t accept sex, neither sex work nor the workers will be respected” really hit home with me. She’s right but she’s also timely. If ‘mainstream’ society didn’t have such a stigma around sex would Jeane Palfrey still be alive today? But this idea reaches beyond her. How many murdered prostitutes might be alive today? How many women who hide their sex worker past could come out of the closet if they were free from stigma? Would sex workers be able to put their work on a resume for a ‘normal’ job without fear of discrimination? The list can go on and on.
We have a lot of work to do to get the acceptance, respect and rights we want. I believe we can get them, though I’ll admit it’s a long road. Gracie makes an excellent point about sex workers getting caught up on our smaller differences. It’s a trap many activist groups fall into. Focusing on our similarities instead of our differences is vital.
I like to focus on the little details that we share in common. I was just talking to Jesse Cox earlier tonight. We were laughing about how our clients want to buy our expensive panties. She never sells the panties she wears on stage and I don’t sell the panties I wear in photos. We’ve carefully picked them to coordinate with our work clothes. Getting rid of the panties would ruin a good outfit. Though she strips and I do phone sex we find a lot of similarities in our work.
She comments that “We are all part of the same struggle. We should be welcoming one another with open hearts as well as open minds. After all, that’s what we are asking others to do with us, with sex work.” Well said Gracie, well said.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Sex Worker Solidarity: Amanda Brooks
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 11:33 PM CDT
2 Comments »
Sex Worker profile
I’m a native Texan who is currently a little out of water in California (the foggy part, not the sunny part). I’m someone who has been interested in sex work since 10 years old and I feel very at home within the adult industry. I’m creating a reference series for Internet escorts and am becoming involved in activism. It’s a way to try and right a lot of wrongs I’ve noticed since I was a kid.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I spent my 20s as a stripper and independent Internet escort. I’m currently not engaged in sex work.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I’d always been curious about it, but it didn’t seem to be for me. A few months after my first book was out Jill Brenneman contacted me through MySpace and we started corresponding. She described my book (and series) as “harm reduction.” It’s an appropriate description and that got my interest. She invited me to join SWOP-East as a board member.
In July 2007 I attended (and presented at) the Desiree Alliance conference. It was a moving experience. There is no way I can let these passionate people down. Though everyone has a slightly different area of focus, the overwhelming impression is of motivated, informed people who are trying to make a difference in a positive way. There’s a lot of love among activists, even those who disagree with one another. Looking forward to the 2008 conference in Chicago!
Through SWOP-East I’ve gotten to start Pledging Action – a condom donation program for sex workers in Chile. I’ve recently joined the Desiree Alliance board. My focus there is as a liaison for SWOP-East and working to create a Media Center for sex workers through DA. (This is in the thought/planning stages, so don’t ask for specifics yet!)
My books are very much an activist statement even though they’re not overt. The idea of producing information for escorts so they can choose their work, determine their work environment and control their destiny in the safest manner is activism at a broad level. I’m all for empowering escorts as women and as sex workers.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Since every sex worker has their own pet issues, it’s important for all of us to step back and view the big picture. The truth is, every sex worker faces the same basic social issues - only the degree and intensity changes. Those who work in criminalized fields face additional legal and social issues which are essentially the same regardless of what “class” the sex worker belongs to.
Promoting solidarity isn’t hard with blogs, discussion forums and real-live groups. When you start to feel a sense of belonging with others who understand your obstacles, it’s easy to present a united front in public even if you have disagreements in private.
Sometimes the distance of the Internet backfires and we splinter into arguments over things that matter only to us. Then it’s important to remember what I said above: we all face the same basic issues.
Promoting solidarity comes from every sex worker reaching out to another on an individual level. We’re all people-persons; otherwise we wouldn’t be sex workers. But feeling involved requires that we learn the individual. Sex workers aren’t going to feel loyalty to someone whom they only know from a mass e-mail (like current mainstream-marketing wisdom suggests). Meeting the individual sex worker isn’t hard to do and it isn’t difficult. But since there are so many sex workers it’s going to take a long time to reach everyone!
I have to add, this series is a great starting point for introducing an audience to sex workers we haven’t met before. I’ve contacted a couple of your interview subjects because of their interview here.
What project(s) are you working on now?
Too many!
Working on Book #2. The manuscript is back from the typographer and I’m proofing it before sending it to the printer. Yay! Also, working on fleshing out the outline for Book #3 and doing preliminary research (the basic outline has been in place for a couple years but this is detail-work).
Trying to promote Pledging Action and solicit condom donations. I’m not the best at this but I don’t consider it a closed issue.
Working with SWOP-East on whatever issues we have on the table. We have many things in the planning stages and hope to move forward on a lot of projects. Fundraising is a big issue right now.
Working with DA in whatever capacity I can.
Trying to promote Book#1 and myself
Writing a monthly column for EscortSupport.com
Blogging
The Notebook (the book’s blog)
After Hours (personal blog)
Bound, not Gagged (moderator and contributor)
SWOP-East (news blogging)
Amazon and MySpace blogs (my stepchildren locked in the basement)
Working on my Squidoo lenses …and a million other little things that all connect to everything above and eat my time – but you don’t want me to list everything!
—
Amanda’s comment “There’s a lot of love among activists, even those who disagree with one another.” really struck a chord with me. Since the Spitzer scandal first broke I’ve been seeing a lot of the “love among activists” that Amanda mentions. While the many stories in the mainstream press focused on portraying Kristen as a “good girl gone bad” sex worker activists were not only supporting her but creating solidarity with each other as well.
Whenever I would get enraged or depressed with the Spitzer coverage I would turn to the sex worker community online. Writer after writer was bringing up important issues, using the scandal to shine a light on our many causes. Scandals like these seem to come as regularly as the seasons but this one really brought home to me just how much solidarity and activism is really out there.
Amanda’s makes an excellent point about the online community. It does create more solidarity and bring us closer. Just like she says, we sometimes “splinter into arguments” amongst ourselves. But again and again we return to support each other because “we all face the same basic issues”. Focusing on our common grounds makes us closer and our movement stronger.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Sex Worker Solidarity: Jesse Cox
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 11:39 PM CDT
5 Comments »
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
Currently I am working as an exotic dancer in a club called Centerfold in Springfield, Missouri. It’s a conservative little part of the country, so the club is very strict, ie, pasties and opaque t-back bottoms one inch thick at the back end, no see through costumes, and an 18 inch distance kept between dancers and customers at all times (to the extent that when a customer wants to tip us he has to put his money down in front of us, as we cannot take it out of his hand). This cuts way down on the money we can make– I make maybe $100 a day, whereas in looser clubs on the east coast I made $500 a day, but it also makes for a much more pleasant work environment. I’m not so angry and wary of people touching me when my shift ends at 7 pm. Also, the club itself is nice, with lit candles on the tables and steak and lobster dinners, which attracts a nicer group of customers and dancers. Oh, and it’s a family business, which is nice too. My boss makes me breakfast in the morning, and took my family’s pictures at my college graduation.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I like to think so. I am constantly talking to the women I work with about what their rights are both as sex workers and as women. I also volunteer for Planned Parenthood, which is of course about women’s rights specifically, but these things are so tied up with each other, the lines sometimes blur for me a little. I just wrote an article about civil rights (or lack thereof) afforded to sex workers that is featured in this month’s $pread Magazine, and I am interested in writing more and for broader audiences on this topic.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
That’s a big question, but off the top of my head, I’d have to say it’s probably not that different than the way you might go about promoting solidarity between any group or groups of people. There is a lot of competition in the field of sex work, as we’re all competing for the same guy’s wallet. There is also a lot of shame put on sex workers from people outside the industry, that I think most of us take on whether we mean to or not, and then project onto our fellow workers in an effort to make ourselves feel better, or more justified in our own work somehow. If you only do modeling and I dance on a stage, then I’m a whore and you’re ok, because I actually interact with men, while you only pose for a camera. If I work in a no touch non-nude club, and you give lap dances or show more skin, or God forbid work in porn, then you’re a whore and I’m ok, because you do more for your money than I do. In a way it’s a reflection of the classism that exists in the mainstream system, where the less actual “putting out” you can get away with for your money (whether the putting out is that of your energy or your body), the higher class and therefore better you are.
So to answer your question, I think the best way to promote unity between sex workers or anyone else, is to truly learn to love ourselves where we are, and to deflect the judgments others would put on us, rather than soaking them up and passing them along. Maybe then we will feel confident enough in ourselves to see our fellow workers as they really are: our partners in struggle, and our greatest potential allies for the procurement of better wages, fair treatment under the law, and sustainable human relationships.
What project(s) are you working on now?
Several, and I’ll list them quickly after that rant! I am a writer and visual artist outside of the world of dancing. I have a solo show at the Good Girl Art Gallery here in Springfield in June, so I am painting frantically to get ready for that. I am writing a book about the Amish based on the period of time I lived with them when I was 21 and the ongoing friendships that grew out of that. I am also in the process of publishing and distributing a series of political coloring books based on Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States,” which is endorsed by Mr. Zinn. Also, I make most of the costumes for the club I work at to supplement my income (stupid student loans…) so in between projects, I am always making panties. Right now, I’m about to go bathe my cats.
You can see most of my work at www.seejesspaint.com, and a few pieces from my next show at my Myspace page.
—
Jesse’s art is beautiful. I’ve seen her art develop over the years and it is both gorgeous and powerful. Her Howard Zinn coloring book is something I plan to get for my friends’ children.
Jesse was my first sex worker friend. Years ago we hung out as hippie chicks. She taught me to crochet and entertained me with her stripper work stories. She was taking a break from stripping and I hadn’t yet become a PSO.
Later when I was back to normal society and started doing phone sex Jesse was there to listen. While my spouse and friends are supportive no one understands the work quite like a sex worker. Though we do different types of work we’ve found we have so much in common. Long before I became involved with sex worker activism Jesse and I would entertain and support each other.
Like Jesse says so many times sex workers focus on the differences in their work. Walls and boundaries are put between us. A vital part of sex worker activism is reaching across that divide and finding solidarity and common ground between workers. Though our jobs may be different we share much common ground. There is strength in this and we are stronger when we stand together.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Sex Worker Solidarity: Libertine
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 11:16 PM CST
3 Comments »
Sex Worker Background
I’ve been a sex workers for almost ten years, working as a dominatrix, escort, masseuse, madam, and a porn filmmaker. My blog is www.sexpros.net and talks about my work in the industry as well as my activism with SWOP Chicago.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I still do escort and massage, as well as some fetish work. I also shoot porn and crew on adult movies from time to time.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
Yes! I am a member of Sex Workers Outreach Project-Chicago and am helping plan for the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of 2008 in Chicago.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
We need to reach out to one another, rather than being so isolated, and realize that we are not in competition with one another. There are a lot of working girls that would not consider themselves to be “political”, so we need to find a way to reach out to them and let them know that they should demand respect and better working conditions. We need to look at sex worker rights as a human rights issue and educate other sex workers are what their rights are, on and off the job.
I’ve found that it’s really tough to create solidarity in the sex work community because so many workers are afraid of being exposed and don’t want to admit to being a sex worker in a public forum (but are willing to post pictures of themselves online, so go figure). So I think we need to find a way to make sex work more acceptable and not something to be ashamed about. Maybe then will more workers be willing to form a bond and create a solidified community willing to work for change.
What project(s) are you working on now?
My blog-www.sexpros.net
Organizing the 2008 Desiree Alliance conference with SWOP. Creating a porn film fest for Chicago sometime in summer ‘08.
Shooting porn for my friends Morgana and David at www.morganamoon.com
—
Libertine touches on two key points-isolation and competition. It often seems that isolation is just a part of sex work. Many of us work one on one with a client and don’t have a “break room” where we can hang out together. I see sex workers reaching out to each other as a form of activism. By befriending fellow workers we find common ground, fight burn out, educate and protect each other.
And by reaching out we break down the competition wall that often separates us. There is often a competitive vibe amongst sex workers. I’ve had it happen to me. A fellow PSO become upset that one of her regulars was calling me. She talked trash about me and forbade him to call me again. What did he do? Called me and in a gossipy tone relayed every nasty thing she said. At first I didn’t want to believe him. She was a fellow sex worker?! But I started hearing similar stories from other clients that we shared. Then some other PSOs shared that this particular woman had been forbidding clients to call me.
I chose not to confront her because I figured she’d deny it. Instead I invited the clients to call her and to have a good time. Instead of bashing back I spoke of her good qualities and talked about the certain fetishes she handled well. Did I lose clients? Quite the opposite. They seemed to call me more because I had the confidence to not bash her back. Somehow I must be an amazing PSO if I knew they’d call back. In reality I was shaken up that a sex worker sister had bad mouthed me. This was in my early years and I was scared to get in a fight with a fellow worker.
But it proved to be a valuable lesson. Fighting over clients doesn’t pay. It only isolates us. My friend Sera and I shared clients when she was doing PSO work. Sometimes they did the same fantasy with both of us, sometimes they did one fetish with me and another with her. Occasionally we talked to him together. (These were by far some of my all time favorite calls.)
Sometimes I’ve talked to a man and we’ve made a horrible match. Either he wants a submissive or wants to talk about a subject that I don’t know much about. I’ve referred him to fellow PSO. The client is happy because he gets a better experience and I’ve helped a friend out. She refers a client to me in the future when they’re not a good match. This creates solidarity. When we knowingly share or refer clients everyone benefits.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Sex Worker Solidarity: Rachel Kramer Bussel
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 11:49 PM CST
4 Comments »
Rachel’s bio:
I’m a writer, editor, blogger, and reading series host. I mainly write erotica and nonfiction centering around sex and relationships. I’m a former sex columnist for The Village Voice, and host In The Flesh Reading Series every month in New York, and have edited 15 erotica anthologies.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I was a bit surprised to be asked to participate in this interview series because I don’t really consider myself a sex worker, even though I do work in the field of sex, as a writer and editor. But I guess in the sense that I create and edit stories that people jerk off to and write about sex, I’m somewhat of a sex worker. And on a very minimal scale, I’ve done some nude modeling, but mostly for free. I’ve toyed with the idea of some kind of professional BDSM, but don’t really see that happening in my future.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I wouldn’t say I’m really active in sex worker activism, but I do try to keep up with political developments and what the sex workers I know are doing and support them as best I can. I think sex workers are one of the few groups it’s still perfectly okay to talk poorly about and generally stereotype and disdain en masse, which is ironic considering how many people hire sex workers. When I cover sex work, such as I did in this old Village Voice column, “Whore Pride,” and this one called “Big Bucks for Pain Sluts” on professional submissives, I try to do so in a way that doesn’t sensationalize the people doing the work and lets them speak for themselves.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
I know in my field, sex writing, what I get the most out of is just talking to people who do what I do. Even though I don’t consider myself a sex worker in the traditional sense, I do think anyone working professionally in any sex-related field is stigmatized in much the same way sex workers are. To some people, sex itself is dirty, and belongs only in the home. Once you take it out into the public arena, you face people from across the political spectrum tellling you sex is not a worthy topic of inquiry. I’ve been writing a bit on sexuality for Alternet and even there you get liberals saying, essentially, “Why is sex even an appropriate topic on a political website?”
I think it all ties together - the fact that people want to keep sex in its own neat, tidy place, and want to deny that sex workers are real, living people. I find a real disdain for sex workers, especially prostitutes and porn stars, across pop culture and even academic writing, like those are the worst of the worst professions a woman could enter. I think often in the name of feminism and trying to create more opportunities for women, some pundits don’t mind putting sex workers down and denying them their humanity. So I think two of the best ways (for all of us, sex workers and non-sex workers) to promote solidarity are to be willing to listen and learn, and keep an open mind.
What project(s) are you working on now?
I’m always editing some anthology or another - my latest releases are Sex and Candy: 22 Succulent Stories, Crossdressing: Erotic Stories, Hide and Seek, which is about exhibitionism and voyeurism, and the one I’m most excited about, my first non-fiction book, Best Sex Writing 2008. That one has some fascinating pieces about sex work, including “The Pink Ghetto” by Lux Nightmare and Melissa Gira, “Menstruation: Porn’s Last Taboo” by Trixie Fontaine and “Buying Obedience: My Visit to a Pro Submissive” by Greta Christina. It was really important to me to include sex work, from both the workers and customers’ perspectives. I think all in all sex work is still so hush hush and outside the mainstream that people don’t even know how to distinguish amongst types of sex workers or have a real sense that there is a sex workers rights movement.
I have a lot more anthologies coming out in 2008, and will be starting a podcast focusing on audio versions of my erotica, and am finishing up my first novel, Everything But… - the best way to keep track of what I’m up to is on my blog.
—
When I was sending out emails to sex workers for this series I started wondering about the definition of a sex worker. I emailed fellow psos, strippers, escorts, mistresses. But a few people I wanted to interview were in a sort of gray area. They wrote about sex, sometimes their jobs dealt with sex, but were they sex workers? I wasn’t sure if Rachel considered herself one or not. Even though she doesn’t I’m glad she wrote back because she brought up a lot of great points.
Where is the line that defines a sex worker? Does the act have to be part of a job or can it be a one time thing? What about a trade? And what acts make a sex worker? Porn stars are obviously sex workers. But A-list celebrities that do a hot sex scene are not, even though they are getting paid to portray sex for an audience. Peep show girls get paid to portray sex for an audience and are considered sex workers.
I think it comes down to personal choice. Does the individual see themself as a sex worker? When I first started pso work I didn’t. I saw myself as just talking over the phone about kinky sex. PSO work can be isolating and after a few months I started seeking out others online to talk about the work. When I found a pso forum I was exposed to the idea that my work was sex work. I don’t know why I never made the connection beforehand. But when I read another pso referring to herself as a sex worker something clicked. I knew I was one too and have identified as a sex worker myself ever since.
I think Rachel makes an excellent point about how “anyone working professionally in any sex-related field is stigmatized in much the same way sex workers are”. Sex workers, and people who work with sexuality, challenge people’s assumptions and can bring up a lot of issues-people’s personal beliefs on sex, issues in their own sex life and of course sex and politics which seems to be a timeless hot button issue. Breaking that stigma is important work for all of us.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Sex Worker Solidarity: Secondhand Rose
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 5:26 PM CST
3 Comments »
Sex Worker profile
From Secondhand Rose:
Writer turned phone companion and conversationalist. My partner travels, so I understand the loneliness which underlies what some would call just plain old lust.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
A phone sex operator and (still) an erotica (and non-erotica) author. I must use different names for each ‘hat’ I wear because there is low tolerance among tribes. :sigh:
Are you active in sex worker activism?
If talking about sex work in a non-apologetic way is an act of activism, then I am an activist. If entering the words “sex worker” in online blanks for occupation, for surveys etc. counts, then I am an activist. I’d love to be able to say that I’m ‘out’ in my community and beyond, but I’m not. Even though my work is legal all over the US, it’s still not accepted; and I recognize that being ‘out’ isn’t just making a choice for me but imposing that choice on others. I’ve seen women lose their children for this (and less than this) and have no desire to taint the lives of those close to me out of a selfish notion of saying it loud and proud.
Do I wish it were different? Hell yes!
But in order for that to be a reality, we as a society need to be honest about sexuality & accept sexuality as a fact of life. Until we do that we can’t accept the ‘little facts’ along the way, such as real sex education, the truth about the validity of sex work, the real need for sex workers, and the honor & pride I/we feel with such work.
I’d like to believe that, along with doing my job well, I chip away each day — little by little — at the notion that sex is bad, dirty or unimportant.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
This is difficult & I sure hope I don’t offend anyone…
I’ve watched the feminist movement steadily lose support (and with it, ground) simply because it has difficulty rallying itself & members ’round key points. This because it is hard for one stance to be agreed upon by such a variant and variable group as “women”. The parallels here regarding sex workers are, well, rigidly similar — and scarily pointed downwards.
It’s not that I feel hopeless (about either), but leadership needs to change.
With all due respect to publications and organizations which purport to support sex workers, I have to say that I think they’ve put the horse before the cart in many cases. In order to salvage what little appeal I (may?) have at the moment, I’ll focus on how I think we can get the cart behind the horse — and get more horses pulling it too.
We need to focus on fundamental matters which affect the majority of sex workers. These are the issues sex workers have respect for &/or concern regarding, even if only out of fear. Issues of general sex & reproductive health; civil sexual rights; matters of poverty, race, & safety, especially as ‘used’ in court, are the basics. If we can’t come to any sort of consensus on these most basic issues — issues which are at the heart of getting the general population to give a damn about the rest of our issues — then that’s pretty sad. Ditto if we can’t forge relationships with other groups with the same goals. Sex workers shouldn’t make strange bedfellows, nor hop into bed too soon; but we need to start participating with society, rather than accepting the small corner relegated to us.
What project(s) are you working on now?
It looks like I’m currently working at alienating you and the rest of my colleagues. :sigh: I swear I’m not — and I’m very honored to be a part of this conversation. I just have very strong feelings about how we are going to effect any changes. I’m open to projects & persons which are willing to start at the beginning & work upwards.
—
Since I’m childfree I have a lot more freedom to be out an of the closet sex worker. I don’t tell everyone I’m a pso though. Does the clerk at the grocery store need to know? No. Does the gas station clerk need to know? No. But my friends know and I’m thankful for that. Hanging out with people that don’t know can be difficult. It feels like I’m in a constant state of self-editing.
I don’t blurt out I’m a PSO. I get the know the person first so they can know me before they realize I’m a sex worker. People tend to have lots of questions about the work and I don’t mind answering. Not every sex worker has the freedom to openly say what they do. Like SR I feel I too am chipping away at the notion that sex work is bad. Those of us that can be open about our work have the power to challenge and change assumptions about sex workers.
I’ve been a feminist since I was a little girl. My Grandmother had a subscription to Ms. Magazine and would bring over the current issue after she was done reading it. I remember flipping through the pages, not understanding a lot of it but wanting to read it anyway. As much as I love Ms. Magazine for what it is, I don’t have a subscription because I find it too depressing. I prefer magazines like Bust and $pread which incorporate feminism into their publication.
Mind you, I’ve had my clashes with feminism. A couple of years ago Mr. Radical and I were at a market that had a National Organization for Women booth. I’m into NOW so we went up to say hi. They asked if I wanted to become a member. I did! But I asked what their position on porn was first. Since I was a sex worker I wanted to make sure they were ok with it before giving them my money.
What did the two feminist women running the booth do? Look immediately over at my husband in incredulity. He shrugged them off saying he thought it was cool. They looked back and me and gave me a lame answer that didn’t answer my question. Then they passed the buck and suggested I write to NOW and ask. Grr. I did and never heard back. Grr again!
I still identify as a feminist. Admittedly the movement isn’t as inclusive as it could be. But I believe it will one day welcome sex workers. Am I being overly optimistic? Perhaps. But there was a time when feminists shunned lesbians, fearing them to be a “purple menace” that would hurt the movement.
I see a lot of parrells between the sex worker movement and the gay rights movement. Gays have rallied together. Between the gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered and queers they too must be a group that is hard to get “one stance to be agreed upon”. But now the GLBTQ movement is a lot stronger. Last year Democratic presidential candidates debated on gay issues. If a candidate says a homophobic remark it’s national news when 10, 20 years ago it wouldn’t have made headlines. This is great progress.
One day I would love for the sex worker movement to be that strong. I believe we can be.
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Sex Worker Solidarity: Dallas From Babeland
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 8:15 PM CST
4 Comments »
Dallas blogs for Babeland and is a regular Sugasm submitter. Her writings cover a wide subject range from first time anal sex adventures to updates on the Alabama sex toy ban.
I goofed in my first question and Dallas thought I was asking her to define a sex worker. I’m happy for my mistake because she sent me a kick ass definition!
2-3 sentences describing sex worker
Renegades and revolutionaries who insist, with their actions and words, that sex is not a dirty, shameful secret. Sex work of all kinds acknowledges that humans have sex and that they want and need information and services related to sex.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I work as a sex educator at Babeland - a women owned and run sex toy shop. I answer people’s questions about vibrators, anal sex, bdsm, strap-ons and more and help them pick out the right toy for them. I love my work at Babeland because I believe that sex-positive sex toy stores are a completely new environment for most people. Sex and information about sex is not shunned, it is celebrated. Voice and authority is held by the sex educators who are those traditionally without power (lesbians, trans people, poor people, sex workers, etc). Time spent at Babeland has the potential to shift people’s long held norms about gender and sexuality - that is truly powerful.
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I blog for Babeland where I promote positive views of sexuality and of sex workers as much as I can. I have the opportunity to highlight events and publications that support sex workers and by aligning Babeland with sex workers, we have the opportunity to help change other people’s minds.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
Babeland offers discounts to all sex workers - and I hope that all sex workers see Babeland as a safe space staffed by kindred spirits. I also love SPREAD magazine and their events are places of community. Sex workers can be very isolated or working daily with fantastic coworkers - we need to find ways for everyone to come together to support each other.
What project(s) are you working on now?
My biggest project remains the Babeland blog. I am also writing on women’s relationship to pornography both as consumers and producers.
—
Dallas’ interview has me thinking about sex worker spaces. She’s right-we need to find ways to come together. Creating spaces where sex workers can relax, let down their guard and talk about work with understanding peers is important. The more spaces we have to meet, the more opportunities we have to help each other.
Meeting for coffee to talk about work is great for all sorts of workers. It’s especially important for sex workers since so many aspects of our work is isolating. My sex worker friends and I agree that we can call each other any time to talk about work. Having a bad session can ruin your day. Some guys are so mean, so vicious that I’ve hung up the phone in tears (and resolve not to let them get to me like that again). But after a good bitch session, the tears are long gone and we’re both laughing from how ludicrous our clients can be.
I love that Babeland is so sex worker friendly. The first time I was in their store I was very accepted and have been on my subsequent visits. I’m mostly out of the closet with what I do. However, I tend to get to know people first before telling them I’m in the sex industry. It is so freeing to disclose one’s work without being judged. And that sex worker discount is touching too.
Back when Latex Geezer was still alive I took him to a Babeland store. He was incredibly closeted in his normal life due to the nature of his career. We were shopping for toys and the worker that day was very helpful. LG turned several shades of red when her and I were discussing the best strap-on to use on him. Afterwards he told me he had never discussed his kink so openly in public before. It was a good experience for him.
If you’re a sex worker and would like to be interviewed (just a few questions, via email) write me at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 6:56 PM CST
3 Comments »
Introduction:
My official third-person whirlwind of a bio is: Audacia Ray is a blogger (WakingVixen.com), video podcast host (LiveGirlReview.com), author (Naked on the Internet), porn director/producer (The Bi Apple), magazine editor ($pread), and erotic art curator (Arena Studios). She is based in New York and can be contacted at dacia[at]wakingvixen[dot]com.
What kind of sex work are you currently doing?
I’m actually retired from sex work and have been for more than two years (wow, crazy). I still work in the sex industry and probably will for life, though now I’ve moved into more management type positions, which I’m trying to do in an ethical way that gives workers a lot of autonomy. I’ve directed/produced a porn film (The Bi Apple) that won a Feminist Porn Award for “Hottest Bi Sex Scene” and I’m starting to work as a manager/phone girl at a dungeon. When I was a worker, I started as a foot fetish worker, moved briefly into escorting, and then spent the vast majority of my work time as a sensual body worker (which I loved). I also did a lot of nude modeling, which includes one hardcore scene (Pyschocandy 4), some alt porn web stuff, and a lot of obscure, low-production value fetish videos including wrestling, trampling, and sleepy fetish stuff.
(As an aside, I know that I’ve just nuanced/complicated what a sex worker is a little bit more by saying that I’m no longer a sex worker now that I work in management – discuss amongst yourselves)
Are you active in sex worker activism? If so, what are you doing?
I’ve been an editor at $pread magazine for the past three years, and I’ve helped to organize countless parties, events, and panels as a result of that work. My activism tends to be of the consciousness raising and cultural variety: I think that producing and publicizing culture made by sex workers is extremely valuable. Visibility on our own terms and the ability to uses our voices (and other mediums of expression) are key to the progress of sex worker’s rights. It’s very important not just for us to talk to one another and share our thoughts and experiences, but also for people who are not sex workers to engage with our culture and see us for what we are – people who are trying to gain better working conditions and understanding.
What do you think is the best way to promote solidarity with fellow sex workers?
I think that at the very basic level, sex workers need to communicate with each other both inside and outside of their work places. This can happen through casual conversation (and bitch sessions, no one understands like another sex worker!), support groups (social ones, not necessarily activism), art (like the traveling Sex Workers Art Show and $pread’s annual Sex Worker Visions), and writing (on blogs, in handmade zines, and –shameless plug- $pread). Incidentally, sex workers who are interested in writing for $pread shouldn’t feel shy about writing to us and pitching ideas – contribute[at]spreadmagazine[dot]org. If you want to write but don’t have a pitch, I’m the person to talk to – I’ll start you off with a review or a news piece.
What project(s) are you working on now?
My big new project of the moment is Live Girl Review (http://livegirlreview.com) - a video blog in which I review all things sex-related: books, movies, sex toys, porn, art, etc. If anyone has stuff they’ve made that they want me to review, or has tips, drop me a line!
I’m also planning to direct and produce some new porn films in 2008 and I’m starting work on my next book. And as always, I’m working on $pread, blogging, developing art shows, and trying to get paid gigs doing what I love.
—
Audacia is right. It is extremely important that we sex workers talk to and educate each other.
I had been a pso for about six months when an opportunity came up for an in person session. While the extra money was certainly exciting, I was a little scared by the idea of meeting a client face to face. What if he became violent? What if I did the session and he threatened to attack me if I didn’t give back the money? Scary scenarios were running through my head and I thought about cancelling on the client.
Then I wised up. I talked to fellow mistresses. They gave me their tips for ensuring a safe session. That first in person (and thankfully all of my in person sessions) was successful and safe. By talking to my sex worker comrades I was given a good education on how to prevent violence in the workplace. It was an invaluable lesson.
If you’re a sex worker and would like to be interviewed (just a few questions, via email) write me at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom
Sex Worker Solidarity Series
Sex Worker Solidarity: Introduction
Posted by Vixen as PSO Confessions, Interviews, Sex Workers at 10:34 PM CST
3 Comments »
